


Partners

by prismdreams



Category: Barry Allen - Fandom, The Flash (Comics), The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types, caitlin snow - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Barry Isn't the Flash, Caitlin Snow - Freeform, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Flash Fic, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Geek Love, Geeky, High School, Love, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Mild Language, Nerdiness, OOC, Out of Character, POV Barry, POV Barry Allen, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Ratings: R, Romance, Romantic Fluff, School Project, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Shy, SnowBarry - Freeform, Snowallen, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Tumblr: snowbarryweek, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Work In Progress, nerd love, partners, westallen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4142985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismdreams/pseuds/prismdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow couldn't be anymore opposite from each other. Barry was just a guy trying to figure things out, living life as it comes and Caitlin always had a plan in life. When these two are forced to work together, getting along could be half of the battle where good grades are concerned. AU. High school. Snowbarry. Linda Park has a cameo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story will be told in Caitlin's point of view for now.

* * *

   


If someone would have told me I, Caitlin Snow, was going to be paired up with the new kid, Barry Allen, for the anatomy project, I would have definitely told them they were nuts off their rocker. Not to mention I'm shaking inside because it's worth more than half my grade in Science class.

I was worried because the teacher paired us up at random so that meant we weren't allowed to choose who our partners would be. My best friend Cisco Ramon rolled his eyes at the whole thing. He's too smart for our class anyway. He always told me I was too smart for the entire school. I guess in some way he had a point. Being smart made us feel like powerful mutants.

I sent him a text to meet me at my locker to discuss what we're going to do when we get off. I spotted him coming my way. He always wore these out of character shirts, basically a nerd's high end wardrobe. I like to call it nerd suave. I kind of envy his personal style. Beats me, I had an ordinary pony tail, glasses that were imprinted on my nose bridge and my favorite jacket over one of my many denim fitted jeans. I know I'm a girl, but I prefer not to wear dresses and skirts unless I absolutely have to.

"Hey Cait, did you watch the new episode of _Space Invaders_ last night on Netflix? Too bad my little brother and dad used the desktop when it aired." He mumbled.

I bit my lip and stuffed the rest of my notebooks inside my locker. Half of me was listening and the other half was dreading this project with the new guy.

"No I didn't catch it. I'm too stressed about class. I can't believe the teacher. She's so unreasonable. To be paired up with someone I don't even know, what if I get a bad grade?" I grumbled.

"Well you could get to know this guy," Cisco suggested. I gave him a look. "It couldn't hurt. Just interview him to see what he's like. If he'll flake, at least you have a warning. We do that sometimes."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah like it's gonna be that easy Cis. Guys aren't like that." I grabbed my next book, unable to bring myself to the next class but pushed myself anyway. "See ya later." I waved at him.

"Give him a chance; you never know the clique might not have sucked his entire soul out yet." Cisco said leaving me to go to English. Now I was forced to fend for myself. Just great, now I'm left with all these annoying thoughts too.

I heard Barry Allen was the new guy a few weeks ago but apparently Ronnie, Iris and Linda already tried to convert him to their cliqued up ways. I hated that. Not that it was bad having just Cisco as my friend, it's just our school hardly gets new kids anymore. Not that I wanted Barry Allen to be my friend. For a second I thought he was like me and Cisco, nerdy and hopeless as well as dateless, turns out, Barry's a jock and proved it by signing up for track immediately.

I admit, OK, during PE class I've watched him run before, he has this charisma and charm that you were only born with. His smile could light an entire country. I hate that. I hate myself for feeling this way. I wasn't crushing, hell to the no. Barry Allen will never have that affect on me. No matter how good he looks right after a 5 mile sprint. I digress.

I hope school in general (minus the only class I have with Barry) will get my mind off of this pending project. I'm more dreading it because I don't know what kind of a student he is. To continue running for the track team, you need to maintain a C or higher to stay. I can't deal with a C, call me uptight and prompt but I can't handle anything lower than an 89% even getting that percent would kill me. Barry better not be one those "bottom of the barrel" types of guys. I don't believe I have the patience for it.

Cisco is right. All this speculating and I clearly have no idea who this guy actually is. I don't even think we made eye contact once. That meant I didn't see his reaction when I heard our names were called together. He probably – for my sake anyway – has no clue who I am and maybe will probably get Linda to work with him in my place. For a popular girl, Linda is actually more at my level. Part of me felt sorry that she gets teased about it from her friends but anybody who hangs around the popular knows what they are getting into.

If I have to be paired up with someone besides Cisco I normally get their information, barely speak to them about anything other then what we're assigned to do and cross my fingers that the oral presentation goes off without a stitch of error.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, I have no idea who Barry Allen is or if he's going to purposely make this experience hellish for myself. I'm annoyed with not knowing too.

Cisco said I should go talk to him and I'm half thinking I should and half hoping he'll ask Linda to trade. Barry didn't even come to talk to me about it. It was just announced yesterday. Science is my last class of the day. It sucks that I have to wait to talk to him. I guess that means I'm going through with it. Oh well, then there is also tracking him down before class, after his track meet.

I don't think I have the courage to talk with him among other jocks. I'll be the laughing stock and I know I'll regret it because Barry probably allow them to bully me.

I received another text, it was from Cisco.

 _Quit stressing girl. If you want a good grade just go after him already._  
_I could see you making up an excuse._  
_Just ignore what you think you know. Go talk to him. Let me know how it goes! xx_

"Easy for you to say." I sighed and checked the time.

Was I going to flag this guy down or what? I feel like this was going to be now or never.

OK, whatever, I'll give it a shot.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright class, see you all next week. Remember the deadline on the board. I am strongly advising you to get acquainted with your anatomy partner. Research the topic." The teacher told us, partially making me feel queasy.

To catch you up on everything I pretty much flaked on meeting with Barry. Yeah I know, this isn't starting out so great. I'm trying not to be scared of this guy but it's becoming a challenge. I had to rehearse saying what I wanted to say and even that didn't work.

I packed my stuff when I felt my shoulder bump slightly. I looked up with relief as Cisco gave me that knowing look.

"You could still catch him you know. He's not a pariah. At least I don't think he is in the same realm as Ronnie or Hartley. Come on Cait, stop being so squeamish of this guy." He urged me; my exact expression was more of a tired one than anything.

He was right though. I had to do this if only to get it over with. Maybe I could fake a bunch of small talk, Barry doesn't seem to be a very deep guy anyway; a couple one word answers would do. Hanging out with cliques make you mono-sentenced.

"Fine, we're getting out though. I'm not even surprised he didn't come over to me. I'm getting the feeling he doesn't know who I am."

"Look, he's a freaking jock. Not saying they all operate the same but he clearly has an image to maintain. Catch him when he's alone. He might be completely different when he's not around _those_ people."

"I don't know what makes you so sure." I stood up from my desk and slung my backpack around. "I don't understand why the teacher didn't just let _us_ work together. I cannot afford to fail this class. My entire future in science is riding on my GPA being spotless. I can't afford slip ups. I practically planned out my educational path since the 5th grade." I confessed; although I could only admit that to Cisco.

Cisco and I were the last ones out of the classroom as we walked to my locker.

"Did you ride the bus today?"

"My dad dropped me off early before work. Can you take me back?" I closed my locker.

I looked at Cisco, his face was far off. Uh oh.

"What about asking Barry?" He asked boldly.

I stopped walked, almost tripping when he said that. My eyes narrowed. "You are not serious are you?"

Cisco shrugged.

"A ride home is personal. I only have to do a project with this guy and find out he's not some kind of sabotaging jerk. Why would I ask for a ride?"

Cisco took my hand and made me start walking again. "Because it's reasonable. It gives you an excuse to talk to him. And he's going to be alone, why is that such a bad thing Cait?"

It wasn't I just don't want to do it. I have no reason to complain but I am, sue me Cisco. I don't care.

I realize he wasn't going to let off so I begrudgingly let him win this one. I took a deep breath, clearing my head. "OK, where do the jocks park?"

"Around the smoking trail, if you smell American Spirits, you're in the right place. Seriously, this is gonna be nothing, like ripping off a Band-Aid." Cisco said, how cliché of him.

"Yeah, with the adhesive right on the open wound."

"Oh please, quit being so scared." Cisco nearly pushed me toward to the parking lot, I almost stumbled down the stairs trying to regain my balance.

I can do this. OK, this is nothing. He's right. I'm not even gonna look back. I might change my mind if I do. I felt my cell vibrate but didn't check it. Cisco pushing me to do this was really making this whole thing awkward.

Barry Allen is harmless, right? I rolled my eyes, fixed my backpack and focused ahead to the open area Cisco was talking about. I got lost here this one time when I had to ride the school bus back. I don't live very far but I could walk back if I wanted, only I get lazy and bum a ride from Cisco mostly. But I guess this gives me leverage to get over my fear of talking to this guy.

OK, deep breaths. So freaking weird. Here goes nothing. I walked with my head held up slightly and made my way through the parking lot, trying to scout for the smoke smells.

I winced, biting my lip. Let's try this again.

"Where is it?" I stuck my head out; I know I must have looked really funny being by myself.

I didn't smell anything, oh god, is that what I think it is? Some people cannot control their green day.

Cisco was right about the smell at least, but it wasn't of cigarettes, in the same family though.

I managed to spot Barry in between a group of guys lazily sucking on a shared marijuana stick. Why do some people have to be so obvious? Do these boys know they are still on school grounds?

Seriously, I don't even know where they got it nor do I care. All I want is to get this meet and greet over with so I can relax about my grade.

Thankfully to my advantage I saw the boys depart as I walked closer to where they were smoking. I recognized Ronnie Raymond, Hartley Rathaway and a few other guys from the track team. I thought for a second I saw Ronnie give me a look before getting into his car. I passed on it as soon as Barry was completely alone.

OK, I can do this. Just look like a normal human being person. Don't stare or stutter. Try not to talk too much, save that for the project.

"Barry!" I called over before appearing in front of him. I couldn't help but think I was too loud.

He looked up briefly from the android in his hand, sliding some things on his phone. The marijuana roach was still dangling from his mouth. I wanted to say something but kept my mouth shut.

"Yeah, what's up?" He asked me, wait what? I wasn't even sure I ever heard him speak before.

Very odd, he didn't sound like someone that could be a douche. But then again, the people he hung around have mastered the art of blending in well. Still, I didn't detect something off the radar.

He was even making eye contact with me. He turned off his phone and shoved into his jacket.

"Uhh…" way to go on the "no stuttering" rule. "Hi."

"Hi." He said slowly, a hint of smile on his face.

I groaned, rolling my eyes before I took a deep breath. "Yeah so, you and I, the teacher like, paired us together for the project yesterday."

He looked at me through squinted eyes.

"Oh yeah!" He slightly interrupted me. "You're Caitlin, right?"

Part of me was shocked and the other part nodded, OK, now I'm passed the feeling scared phase and more on the confused, "how did he know my name?" phase.

"Ronnie told me your name. So what's up? How are we going to do this?" Barry asked me, he seemed genuine suddenly.

Good to know Ronnie Raymond, friends with the main higher ups, was the informant.

"That's the thing…" I paused. "I don't know if you heard the teacher tell us our subject. Other then obviously what the theme is."

"Oh, OK then."

Barry leaned against his car. I tried not to stare at his lean body and focused on his eyes more than anything else. Damn it. They were distracting too. OK focus now.

"That's cool. When do we have to pick the subject?"

"Next week, I think."

This was a strange conversation. This was an _actual_ conversation. My first one between Barry and I, and I slowly wasn't dreading it like before.

"Cool, so, should we meet up some time over the weekend or something?"

My eyes bugged out slightly. "Umm, yeah, yes." I paused until he said something.

"So, are you free tomorrow?"

"I think so. I think I have Saturday open. What day is good for you?"

I have all my days open normally. But I didn't want Barry to think I have no life outside of school.

He smiled, brought out his phone and slid some things across the screen. I'm half worried he's going to call the whole thing off and ask for Linda instead.

"Saturday works. You wanna come over to mine or your house?"

Wow, no meeting in a public place or even the library? We barely know each other and now he's inviting me into his home. Relax, it's probably because he doesn't want to be seen anywhere with me.

"Is yours OK?" I kept that reply short. I didn't want mine to be an option, plus I was still investigating this guy in case he was going to screw me over.

"Yeah, sure. Do you uh," he paused, "need a ride home or something?"

How in the hell did he know that?

"Why would you think that?" I said, the corners of my mouth rising nervously.

He shrugged. "I don't know, it's not a big deal if you're close. Where's your house?"

Maybe I could just give the cross streets. Oh no, I shouldn't back track to being afraid of him. To be fair he's given me no reason to.

"I live 20 minutes from the school. Near Central City Commons area."

Barry peeled his lanky body off the car, "Alright, that's doable, want me to take you back?"

I almost put my hand up, instead I slightly backed away. "I don't want to impose. It's not a problem waiting for the–"

"Caitlin, it's on the way. We actually don't live that far apart. My folks' place is right on the street of The Commons. You wouldn't be imposing on me."

Ugh, I hate feeling like this. He's obviously trying to be nice, why am I brushing it off? Gotta get a grip.

"As long as it's not a problem." I said as followed him inside his SUV. "I'm not making you late for anything am I?" I almost turned red as I said that.

Barry looked like he was going to laugh but stopped himself before he could. "Not at all."

He opened the door for me, I carefully went inside the passenger seat and sat down, Barry was about to close the door when he moved his stuff to the back so I could have space for my bag and legs.

"Thank you." I said in a small voice.

"No problem." Barry flashed me a small but blinding smile.

As he closed the door to run to his side I couldn't help but shake my head and smile myself. I wiped it off as soon as he got inside and closed the door.

I waited for him to turn on the engine and leave when I felt his shoulder brushing my suddenly. I gasped as Barry reached across me, pulling my belt over me, "I'm sorry I thought you heard me. Don't forget. It's illegal now if you aren't buckled. Plus, it would suck on the first day I met you, something terrible happened."

Huh? Oh that just means "buckle up, I don't want you to die on my watch." I get it now.

The ride was short and mostly silent. Barry kept it on some kind of hipster, alternative rock station and fiddled with the dial until shutting it off when advertisements came on. The only sound between us was the AC humming. I admit, I really liked being in Barry's car. It was comforting. For an athlete, it didn't reek of sweat or was completely covered in fast food wrappers. Clothes weren't everywhere and the foot mats seemed like they were just vacuumed. It felt like being in a brand new car. Barry certainly takes care of it. It made me wish my parents could afford a car like this so I could have the freedom to drive anywhere I want.

"Is this your street Caitlin?" Barry asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I looked ahead to be sure. "Uh…yeah, you can stop here. Thanks."

"Alright, here you go." He said, stopping the engine and parking on an open spot near the corner of where I live.

I didn't waste any time as I gathered my things to get out of the passenger seat. When I closed the door, Barry called out my name.

"Should I get your number?"

I hesitated before walking to the window, giving a small nod and taking his phone to put my number in there. When I finished, I waved bye to him understatedly.

"See you tomorrow Caitlin! I'll text first!" Barry said, as I turned the corner.

I wasn't feeling dejected it's just Barry didn't seem at all like the people he hangs out with. He seemed…more like someone Cisco and I could be friends with. I don't like this.

I like none of this less and less. Oh Lord, I can't wait for more "nice" Barry Allen tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up exhausted and dreading, err, _knowing_ what's to come so I made sure to get up early on Saturday and get all my stuff done before Barry called me. I think he said he'd text first. So far I haven't gotten anything back from him. Typical jock.

I'm worried this will turn out to be an utter disaster. Cisco has way too much faith in Barry. What's even funnier is what I saw yesterday. I mean, come on, this guy gets along with my on the record mortal enemies. I really dislike that he's the complete opposite from what I was led to believe. I'm still on the fence that this is all an act and the real him will come out when I least expect it. I'm bracing myself for the worst case scenario.

One thing I don't particularly like about Barry is his smile. It's too charming. It feels anything but negative or opportunist. It's not a cover for something. Cisco and I used to read people a lot when we were freshman. We could just tell off the bat who was for show and who was approachable. Our school feels too close to suburbia land, so it was hard to tell but we eventually became experts at it. OK, whatever, Cisco may have been right about Barry, but I don't need to admit that he is. Hell no.

Barry Allen isn't going to make a fool out of me. I don't trust his motives. For all I know, this could be some evil scheme to thwart me over so I fail so he could tell the teacher in the end and then he wins. Now I'm hoping the worst of it is he'll want to switch with Linda Park. She's more of his style.

"Caitlin, your father left town, make sure you do your chores by the time I get back. I left a list behind."

I stood up, facing my mom as she rushed to get out to the garage. "I have studying to do," I said, while she looked at me like I told her I was going to ditch the chores. "I have to go to Barry's house. We have a thing that we're doing."

She looked at me through narrow eyes. "Barry? Who's he? What "thing" is this?"

"Mom, it's not like that. We're partners for school. I was supposed to meet him today for the anatomy project."

"Well OK, are his parents home?" Mom asked, packing her things in her purse.

"Yeah, he said they would be."

"Alright, make sure you come back in time to finish your chores. Your father will be home between 7 and 8 tonight."

"What time are you coming back?"

"Late. Don't come back late just because I will be. I don't want to worry." Mom said, not even hiding the sentimental tone this time.

"I'm always home. I'll see you later. Bye—" I waved but she didn't turn around.

I don't really think she heard me but this was nothing new. My parents have a problem with eye contact; they are always either working for pay or socially working. I still have no idea what my dad does, something to do with business and economy ethics. I once heard conversations about it but I was puzzled as to what his job really was.

My mom works as a personal assistant to a couple of celebrity clients that are young, fresh and need their lives taken care of. I don't envy what she does just because she gets to be around famous people. I mean, I don't know, I wanted her to be around for the holidays. I don't know if that's asking too much or I'm not really supposed to ask for it. My parents for the lack of a better word are hard workers; they have the work life down perfectly, not too sure about family life.

Cisco has his brother Dante and his mom and dad are usually around. It's just me in the family. Only child and no I don't think I'm the center of the universe thank you very much. That's the last thing I am to my parents. One time they noticed I wasn't wearing my hair in braids and that felt nice. I could count the times they've paid attention to me on one hand. I guess it could be worse right?

Whatever I have my own real problems.

I can't afford to complain. I can't afford anything. I guess that's the main reason why I put up with it. It's my last year of high school. Soon I'm going to be going away from here. I'm not too sure how I feel about leaving my life here or the fact that my parents weren't around to really raise me. I kind of envy Cisco's Hispanic upbringing. His family is so close and is always around when they need each other. I almost told Cisco this and he asked me what was wrong and I immediately switched topics. Some things just should not be talked about.

I know it feels like too little too late but the more I started growing up the more I realized how much I really needed my parents to acknowledge me. I think the answer to that may be few and far between. Oh well, I have such a nice life. I have everything I could want. Glancing around my house it was proven true.

I looked at the door where my mom sped out of here like a speedster late for a meeting. The frown on face came as it always did. I couldn't suppress it. I had to keep reminding myself of all I had and how other families would be so lucky to live in such privilege. Though I was far from spoiled, my parents have yet to get me an actually functional car that isn't a rusty passing of the torch. It worked sure, but it needed a lot of fix ups often. My parents said they were replacing it, oh well, guess we'll see on that.

My phone rang and I knew who it was; I made a face as I unlocked the screen.

"Caaaaaitlin," Cisco dragged out the "a" vowel in my name.

I pretended I didn't hear that.

"You gonna answer me or am I gonna breathe really hard on the phone now?"

"Stop I'm not stalling."

"So then why aren't you at Barry's? What did I say about that thing we talked about?"

"I am so not doing this with you. Who said I wasn't on my way out? You don't know if I'm purposely putting this off. I have like...chores to do."

"Uhuh, yeah, I've known you since preschool. I also know your parents aren't home at this time, even on the weekends."

"This is boring. I'm bored now."

"Oh get over yourself chiquita. You survived _miraculously_ yesterday. It couldn't have been _that_ bad."

"Well it was." I lied; I can't get how nice Barry was. It just didn't make sense. "It was awful."

"So you're just gonna not go? Get an F in Science? That doesn't sound like the Cait I know. Come on."

"Oh stuff it, you weren't there."

"I just think you're making all of it up. You forget I could tell when you are so scared all you do is lie and badly I might add. It's not right Caitlin."

I hate it when Cisco tried to be this diplomatic guy and I always end up feeling guilty in the process.

I managed to tell him I was gonna go right now but really I was just gonna take my time. The plan was for me to meet Barry there at his house. I doubt he'll come over here wondering where I am for our meeting.

Uh, this sucks. I got a notification on my phone. It was from Facebook. I hardly get friend requests unless I know them. Even then it was a slim chance.

 **_Barry Allen_ ** _wants to be your friend  
_ _**Confirm** _ _or_ _**Delete** _ _?_

First of all, how did he find me? I know Caitlin is a slightly common name at our school, but I think it was my last name. No one at this school has my last name. Weird. Still, he had to search for it.

I shoved my phone in my pocket, forgetting about this for now and went to clean up the kitchen before deciding on today.

OK, this shouldn't be so hard right? I need an A. I can't avoid Barry forever. I won't be able to get away with stalling for long since I got Cisco on my case whenever he finds out, which he always does. I swear, that guy has uber ESP that I don't wanna talk about.

My phone beeped and I got a text message, it was from Barry. Barry Allen sent me a text message. OK, deep breaths.

 **From: Barry Allen**  
_Hey Caitlin! Just came back from the track meet!_  
You can come by now. :)   
  
Uhoh, OK, he's cheery. This makes me more nervous than before.

My phone vibrated again, oh no this one is a call, from Barry. I didn't answer him for 2 seconds and something happened? Maybe he could pick up that I'm avoiding him. Everything he's doing is harmless, what the hell is wrong with me?

OK, breathe deep; I should just answer already.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Caitlin? Hi, it's Barry from Science class."

"Yeah I saw the name on my phone. So..."

"You coming over?" he asked me in oddly eager voice.

"Uhh, yeah, my parents just left and I was getting ready to." _Yeah right, you're doing anything to not go. Stop lying already._ "I got your text."

"You did? Oh good, was a little worried you didn't. My friends sometimes say they don't get it because I have a shitty phone that doesn't text right."

Oh my god, was Barry trying to have a conversation with me? A popular boy, err, yeah, boy. This is like something out of _The Twilight Zone_.

"Well I got it, thanks."

"Sure, no problem. Just so you know, my dad just left for something and my mom has this thing with her friends. That OK with you?"

"Yes." I said before I could take it back.

And I didn't want to. I mean I have no desire to meet his parents. We aren't even dating, and it'll be super awkward if they were there. Every 5 seconds checking on you to make sure you're studying and only studying. I'm not one of those girls but I would feel really uncomfortable if his parents did that to me.

"Great, I'm gonna take a shower now, see you then!" He said, while I said a quick bye and he clicked off the line.

Holy shit. No way. OK, get the image of Barry Allen in the shower, naked, wet, still naked, like _everything_ in slow motion. Alright that image is done.

Cisco called me and I rolled my eyes answering.

"Whaaaaaat?" I yelled exasperated stretching out my "a" vowels.

"Oh this is pathetic. I was so hoping you got over it, turned off your phone and were already at Barry's by now. Seriously, you turn your phone off when you study."

"Shut up you!" I groaned. "Look maybe I was feeling a little on edge about this whole thing but I'm gonna do you a solid, that's right." I began to gather my backpack together.

"Meaning?"

"Cisco I'm serious. I'm gonna stop being a pain. Besides it's Barry Allen, what could he possibly do to me? We don't even know each other."

"That's correct." He said slowly as if he weren't following me at all. Typical of him. "OK well, get your ass over there. No excuses this time. I will drag you if I have to. Even during the current _Dr. Who_ binge watch marathon."

I smirked. "How could I take away such an honor? I barely saw last season anyway. Catch me up on what happened 'kay?" I said, doing last minute things before walking out into the garage.

"I'll let you know if there is suckage for sure. Bye Cait!" We said our goodbyes as I opened the garage door, letting some light in.

The car my parents loaned to me was thankfully there. I think they preferred to drive their new cars than suffice with the hand-me-down they bestowed onto me.

I got in and did my safety protocol before pulling out of the driveway, making sure to lock the garage behind me. I feel like I'm on auto pilot now. Why do I also feel this tingling vibe in my body? Very odd.

Barry texted me the directions to his house and he wasn't lying. We were like minutes from each other. This is some kind of weirdness that I wasn't going to get used to.


	4. Chapter 4

Tentatively I knocked on Barry's door. No longer than 2 seconds passed and the door flew open.

Barry Allen stood in front of me. He was wearing what every jock wore after a team meet. Somehow I found myself looking before I could notice I was. I shook my head, biting my lip; he almost mirrored my gesture by rubbing the back of his neck. Guess that practice this morning took a lot out of him. He couldn't have been looking like I was.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Barry moved to the side, "Wanna come in? We could study upstairs?"

"Yeah, OK." I sounded really spazzy. It's just Barry; he's practically wearing all white. He looked like an angel.

Barry went to the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink? We got soda and...no beer, damn it! Oh well, do you want some soda?"

"I think I'll pass on the beer even if you did have it." I said as Barry shrugged. Seriously though, beer in the morning? Aren't we minors? "Soda's fine."

He nodded stiffly and went to get the drinks.

Man, was he nervous too? I can't see why. It's not like I do anything for him or any other guy at our school. I was still under the impression that whatever Barry knew about me Ronnie had told him and that made me feel super uneasy. Ronnie and I have a weird history, but I don't wanna go into that now.

I told Barry I would wait in the living room when I saw him putting away the dishes; but he said he was done and with that we went upstairs to his room. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Both of us could have switched with another person at this point but so far he gave me no indication he wanted to do that.

My feelings of weirdness came in suddenly. This was the same feeling I got right before I went on the scariest roller coaster ride. I took a deep breath and followed right behind him but not so close to the point where it was creepy. When we walked inside his room I did a once over just to see what I'm dealing with. I didn't know whether to grimace or be inquisitive.

Emo/alternative rock fanatic much? Posters of various rock bands were on all 4 corners of his walls, some were actually not that bad. Vintage classics, The Beatles, The Stones, The Who, The Kinks. Did Barry have some kind of secret ambition no one at school knew about? Sure he was a jock but looking into his room was like looking inside someone's journal. Maybe this was a part he wanted to keep to himself. Why would he show someone like me? At school I always saw him kind of on the quiet side. Do any of his popular friends ever came inside his house?

"Sorry about, uh, all the mess. It's normally halfway decent even after I come back from practice." He said apologetically, clearing off random items on his bed, storing them in his closest.

He wasn't kidding. It was fairly obvious he didn't do his load of laundry yet. It looked like weeks were piling up and now he scrambled to fill the hamper moving it out of sight. I felt a tad awkward. Should I have requested my place? I'm not completely bothered but it seemed that Barry wasn't ready for anybody to come over; maybe it was rare for him. He probably did his work at school and sped out of here quickly.

I felt like I should say something. He was vigorously cleaning now.

"You don't have to do this; maybe we could go somewhere else?" I said, those words practically flew out of my mouth.

Barry stopped almost completely still but resumed cleaning around his room. He was mainly shoving his things under another thing; which is basically a guy's way of cleaning. I looked at him amused and he turned to glance at me biting his lip.

"You sure?"

He seemed like he was almost done. Part of me was a little paranoid that his parents would come back and conveniently interrupt us when they feel like it. I know mine would.

"I just don't want you cleaning everything on behalf of me. It's really not that messy." Although it was at first; Barry had been quick on his feet.

He looked almost embarrassed I said that. "I should have done some of this before you came over. Sorry."

I almost walked forward to put my hand on his but I restrained myself. That was inappropriate.

"Don't be." I looked at the chairs near the desk. There was also a bean bad chair in the corner. "We can start now if you want."

Barry looked at me, his face was flushed from cleaning like he was on the track field, and he genuinely looked like crap for not having the room clean before I came by.

"Barry?" I repeated, almost putting my hand in his face that was now in a trance. "Hello?"

He snapped out of it when the door swung open. "Oh shit, that's my dad—or, no, somebody's home."

I winced; this couldn't have come at a worse time. Barry looked out the window and a car was heard pulling out of the driveway. I saw Barry wave back with a stiff smile.

"Sorry, thought he was coming inside." Barry said, still looking out of the window.

The weirdness in the room was on full blast. I had to say something about all this. I hope I don't offend him.

"Barry, are you OK? Did you want to maybe do this at school?" I asked, unsure but really wanted to know if something was really wrong and if I'm right in the middle of it.

After a few moments Barry pulled away from the window, closing the blinds, making the room hue darker suddenly. I thought he was going to say something but he didn't. He silently left the room and gone to the bathroom.

I calmly gave him privacy but in the back of my mind I was freaking out.

The bathroom door opened and I instantly looked up at a smiling Barry coming toward me.

"All good, you ready?" he asked and all I could do was stare at him wide eyed.

I couldn't figure out the color of Barry's eyes, they looked green but I saw something hidden in there. Maybe hints of yellow and blue, OK I was staring like a fan girl again. Time to move on from the weird behavior and the staring.

"Yeah, sure, let's start."

We sat down on the two open chairs that were close to each other. I guess we were going to be close during this whole thing. I was going to have to get used to it, and the nervousness he was giving me. I never thought I'd find these unpredictable feelings amusing. My life had a lot of mapping, this was new. I didn't think I'd be intrigued by it.

Barry handed me one of the drinks and I took it. I wasn't really thirsty and I didn't want him to feel bad about getting it so I took a sip and drank a little more just to be sure.

We both got our materials out and took out the sheet we received from the teacher explaining to us all about the project. I memorized this thing on the first day it looked like Barry was reading it for the first time. I hope this wasn't true.

I decided to help him out. "So, the teacher wants us to pick our own subject but it has to be based on what we already studied so far."

"Hmm, what?" He looked up from the paper, moving his chair closer to the desk. "Oh right, yeah. OK well how do you wanna do this?"

"We studied the systems thus far. Do you remember them by name?" Barry looked at me shaking his head. "It's OK, I do. If you remember the gist of what we studied we could pick out something that isn't too complex. Anything but the brain."

"Agreed on that. I struggled a little bit with that section. It's just too—what's the word—verbose."

I laughed softly. "Yeah it's complicated; there are many scientists that don't know everything there is to know. I guess that's why I—" I stopped myself. "Sorry..."

Barry dropped his paper and placed his hands behind his head and leaned back. "No, what were you going to say?"

If I go off on tangents I don't stop and it was good I stopped. Now I can just give the reader's digest version.

"I guess I like that there is always more to know. People aren't really like that. I mean yes, we are biologically connected but with science there is unlimited knowledge. I don't know if many people could relate to that." Oh god, what was I doing?

Barry looked at me like I just told him something that sparked his interest.

"That's insightful I suppose. You don't think people are deep?"

I looked sideways, biting my lip. "I don't think they aren't..." OK this was just embarrassing, now I was rambling. "I mean...sorry, never mind."

"No, you were on to something. What did you mean by people aren't linked to the unlimited? Do you believe we as a race don't view ourselves as complex creatures?"

This is a double edge sword. I answer honestly and he hates my answer, or I don't answer and look like an idiot.

My mind was still reeling from the fact that Barry was at all interested in science and philosophy, let alone my opinions on them. I had him pegged for complete shallowness.

I gulped and bit the bullet. I figured what the hell, we aren't friends so it's not going to matter if I tell the truth or not.

"I do think humans, especially human brains are very complex, there is still so much we don't know about our science, but I was referring to being poignant, most of us aren't interesting. Some are one way or another. There's no grey to look forward to, it's all predictable."

Barry looked at me for a long moment. It felt like he was studying my face to memorize it. Maybe I was just imagining he was, he wouldn't look at me like that. I had the feeling I might have pissed him off with what I said.

"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have said anything...maybe we should get back to—"

"I disagree with you." He stated firmly, interrupting me in the process.

I was taken aback. "Wait, what?"

"What you said just now. I disagree with you."

My mouth almost dropped all the way down but I picked it up before I caught flies inside.

"Do you wanna know why?" Barry asked it felt like he was daring me to say no.

I shrugged, smiling nervously. I totally opened a can of worms, how was going to get outta this one?

"Because you're wrong about people. Maybe on the surface we aren't complex, because this is what people often see when they aren't a part of our lives. Like strangers when they met, all they see is the surface, right? But as soon as they spend more time with each other they are proved wrong, the surface is only a small piece of who they are. We're more than our surfaces. Essentially more than the sum of our parts."

I had to keep reminding myself Barry was friends with people who probably have never opened a book and read it from front to back before. Where was all of this coming from? I'm kind of freaked out now that I went there. Now he's running with it. This is so not what I thought was going to happen. Barry Allen was challenging me in a debate about the parallels of humanity and biology. I think I just heard the first crackles of hell freezing over.

I raised my eyebrow, daring to say something back. "I didn't mean to offend you Barry. Maybe we should go back to the project."

Barry flipped around his notebook with what looked notes from class. But he kept his eye on me, smiling while he sifted. He cleared his throat making me unprepared for what he was going to say next.

"Well, I wasn't offended per say, what you said made me curious. I wasn't going to just let it go. I don't know if you know what it feels like to be misunderstood, especially among peers at school."

I bit the inside of my cheek, unable to refute that. "Maybe I do."

I went back to my notes, looking over the sheet the teacher gave us. Things were quiet for a few moments. I saw Barry concentrate really hard on reading his notes, making little marks here and there, not once looking up. There was slight tension in the air and it was getting thicker every second.

I forgot about the soda and took a long sip before clearing my head. Alright, I couldn't take the abundance of silence and my brain not shutting up about this...

"Can I ask you something?"

His head looked up briefly before turning back to his papers. For a second I thought I was at home again.

"Well, when you said Ronnie told you who I was, did he say anything else?"

"What do you mean?"

"About me?"

Barry stopped what he was doing and looked at me shrugging. "No, he just knew you."

OK most of me wanted to believe that but then most of me was leaning toward him not being entirely truthful.

I tried again, "Are you sure? I'm just curious if he did say anything."

Barry shook his head vehemently, giving me a straight look, "No, he didn't. When I mentioned who I was working with he just said "oh yeah I know her" and that was it really."

I tapped my pencil against my notes, "OK, thanks. Thanks for being honest. I mean, you know let's just drop it."

Barry's amused face came back, he almost chuckled. "Dropped. So...this project? OK, do we need to decide on a topic by next class?"

Referring to my sheet I responded back. "Yeah, it just says we need to know what we have in mind to start researching on it as soon as possible."

"There's a chart of choices she gave us to pick from." I pulled out my copy and gave it to him to glance over.

He looked at me, smirking. "Like you said, nothing _too_ complex, we don't want that."

I blushed, smiling from before; my face had gone all pink.

"I put my foot in my mouth with that one, didn't I? Seriously, sorry I went there. I still feel like I offended you."

Barry laughed; it sounded like a boy's laugh more than a jock's. "Why are you apologizing? If I was offended you'd definitely know it."

This was so far beyond what I thought when it came to Barry. Cisco may have had a point with prejudging. I'm so used to figuring people out within 5 minutes of meeting them. Turns out with Barry, I'm still scratching my head, maybe that's a good thing for once.

"OK, taking the apology back. Just thought I'd make sure. I didn't want there to be tension because we have to work together for this assignment."

"I don't feel there's tension, do you?"

Maybe I was second guessing with that one. "No, I don't think so."

Barry shook his head, smiling as he crossed some things on the paper I gave him. He circled something and showed me.

"What about this for the main topic?"

I looked at him, nodding along. "OK, that's fine. I didn't like the others anyway. The ones you crossed out I mean. This is a good choice."

"Great so it's settled." Barry said, grinning as we begun to put away our things.

I half thought we were going to take longer than this to agree on something but it was so quick, I didn't think our brains would connect to the same thing. Good to know Barry is the decisive kind.

The packing up was silent until I heard Barry clear his throat.

"This should be fun; science is an interesting subject for me." I gave him a look that said "what, huh?" "I'm serious. I know because I'm dedicated to sports people don't normally think I like other things. But it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm intrigued to do this topic."

Barry was slowly becoming someone I'd honestly like to find out more about had I the time and bravery to ask. So far everything I've known about this guy has been proven untrue, just based on how is when he's expressing himself. Who knew he had his way of being randomly articulate? I kind of liked it.

"It's nice to hear when people don't ridicule something you like too." I admitted, swinging my duffel bag over my shoulder.

Barry stood up when I did, he took our cups and we went downstairs. I felt a little uneasy watching him do home-stuff so I made it my cue to leave.

"Hey so, thanks for the soda and I'm glad we could agree on something doable for the topic. This was..." Barry turned around; slowly smiling making sure it reached his eyes. Damn it. "Thanks for making this pleasant."

He nodded, smirking, "Well you're welcome. It was nice to put a character to a face."

I blushed slightly, unable to control it surfacing. "Thanks. When's a good time for you next time?"

Barry walked closer toward me the more I came near the door. I got the feeling he was going to walk me to my car but I pushed that thought away. Maybe he just wanted to make sure I left because I was acting a tad weird right now.

"Well if you want to you can meet me after practice when school gets out. Our last class period is together so maybe if you want we can meet up at the handout out near the campus. You know where it is?"

"The café you mean? Yeah, I think so." I can't wait to endure all those awesome cliques.

Wait, did Barry actually want to be scene in public with me? I didn't want to be rude and say no, Barry probably had a reason for it.

Barry smiled sheepishly, "Uh, usually I forget to eat after practice then get hungry late at night. It's bad for running the next day. Anyway, yeah, want me to walk you out?"

He was leaning toward doing that and I nodded. Who was I to tell him no? On a positive note, he actually smelled really good. OK, that is weird, now I'm noticing how he smells.

When I got inside my car I put down the window to get that weird heat smell.

Barry was standing next to the door but backed away when I looked at him. "Sorry, it's good seeing you Caitlin, take care."

I nodded and turned on the engine, I heard my name being called again and I turned to Barry coming near me.

"Sorry about the uh, Facebook thing. I totally forgot I had your number. You can decline if you want to."

I was hoping he wouldn't bring that up. "It's OK, it happens. Take care Barry, see you on Monday after the meet."

He nodded, stepping away so I had space, rubbing the back of his neck as I begun to back out of his driveway.

When I pulled away from his neighborhood I was back in mine in no time. Oh yeah, we're practically neighbors. Which is weird because normally hardly anyone came to our community unless people know about it. I guess Barry's family was looking to be discreet.

I could barely process what happened earlier. Not even sure what came over me with the deep, introspective thesis I went into off the cuff. Barry looked like he didn't seem to mind and most of all, he wasn't turned off I went off like that. Most guys would hate it if someone did that, suppose it was an ego thing, not Barry.

I leaned over the wheel, a calm smile appearing on my face while I went over what Barry said about people. It definitely gave me something to think about. It had something of a certain ominous ring to it as well. It was direct and yet vague. Who was he talking about? He did say people as in generally speaking, why do I get the feeling he was referring to someone specific?

I took out my phone before I could stop myself and began to send a text message.  
**  
To: Barry**

_Thanks for not judging me for what I said earlier. It means a lot._

I sent that not thinking he'd read it the moment I sent it over. Wrong again. My phone vibrated and beeped in my hands. I slid the lock curiously to read it.

**To: Caitlin**

_Thanks for having a real conversation with me, it doesn't happen too often. :)_ **  
**

Barry Allen is surely uncontrived thus far. I clicked accept on his Facebook request and sighed deeply. I feel like the journey to whatever this could mean has just begun.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is told in Barry's POV.

** **

**Barry**

"Keep it up Allen! I'm gonna put you on first string if you keep going this way!" The coach exclaimed my way.

Bending over to catch my breath, I smiled as I heard a couple guys congratulate me when we jogged back to the locker rooms. I was exhausted. Track is really eating away at my life, but I love it, so how could I complain? This was what I was meant to do. I mean I was good at it, right? It has to be what I was meant to do.

Ronnie and Hartley caught up with me as we traded guy talk about today's meet. This meet went on longer than the last; I guess the coach was trying to prep us for competitions with the workouts so far.

When I walked inside the locker room, I went to the corner area where my locker was. As I did the combo and opened the lock I got a few more pats on my back from the guys on my sprinting team. They were stand up dudes but truthfully I wasn't friends with any of them. Although when you're improving as much as I have been, people just kind of clamor over you like you're a celebrity.

I wasn't always this popular. I remembered the first day I came to this school. I had a southern accent and hardly anyone wanted to hang around me. As soon as I got on a team people started to notice me. What was I going to do, say no? People were coming around me like I was the next big thing. I'd since lost my accent the longer I hung around these guys. Got a bit more colloquial and less "red neck" if you will. I guess it would have terrified me if I had been a loner, I wouldn't know what to do with that.

I was decent at my other school back home. People knew me, I wasn't a star athletic but I wasn't a no name being bullied either. People at this school think they know me and I don't blame them. I'm kind of an open book, I'm not always outspoken but I lend my voice to pep rallies and stuff when they come up. It comes with the territory that I keep as friends. I guess there's an image to maintain sorta. But these guys are cool.

Hartley was a soccer player turned baseball pitcher, now he's running track with Ronnie and me. Odd transitions in my opinion but they work well for him. He's sort of a ladies' man I guess is the word? Ronnie's his wing-man and I'm there for a second opinion if need be. Hartley and Ronnie have been trying to get me to go out with Iris West, our captain cheerleader since forever. They wonder why I put it off and I frankly, I would be bored explaining to them why since I'm not interested in girls like that. Nothing wrong with her I just don't think our personalities would get along. She's sort of the girl every guy wants but can't have. She enjoys it when guys chase her, I don't work that way.

I don't like the idea of chasing someone only to lead them on. Iris is kind of shallow, suppose it's because her father buys her whatever she wants and the entire school literally worships her. Even Tony Woodward, the guy that could fundamentally take down a tank, but around her, could be completely whipped senseless.

Ronnie just came out of the showers; we were getting changed and ready to take off. Normally it's just he and I. Hartley usually leaves early and gets away with it because his parents practically own the town.

Ronnie threw me his AX body spray and placed it near my duffel bag.

"Hey man, what's up? Doing anything different?"

I stifled a laugh, "No, why would you think that?"

"Dunno, you've been running better than you were when you first started. I thought you were on a Creatinine protein build or something. Are you?"

"Nah man, I don't have the stomach for that stuff."

"Good cuz you can get like super jacked up when you've been on it for a while. You start to get dependent on it. Don't ask me how I know that. Let's just say those Tony Woodward rumors might be true."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

Ronnie packed up the rest of his clothes and was about to head out but suddenly stopped.

He came close to me and I looked directly at him feeling a little weirded out.

"What's up?"

"Hey," he began; it looked like he was trying to find the right words to say, "you know that science class you and I take?"

"Anatomy? Yeah? What about it?"

"Well...you know we take it together. You do know that right?"

OK, what was he getting at? "Yeah man, what's this about?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. I hated when he did that. Usually it meant something gnarly was going on.

"Did you remember who your partner was for that project the teacher wants us to do?"

I racked my brain and it popped up for a second and then I vaguely remembered what was said but I totally forgot who they paired me up with. I gave Ronnie the honest answer.

"I clearly blanked out in that class yesterday. Why? Do you remember who she paired me up with?"

"It's Caitlin Snow." He said bleakly but I ignored it.

Why do I feel like I know that name? "Uhh, OK. Wait how do you know that and I don't? Hmmm..."

Ronnie took back his body spray and looked at me with a mixed expression. "I don't know man, just do. They got me with Linda. I'm half tempted to just let her do all the work so I can get a decent grade."

"Linda Park? She would have been cool to work with. She's new to our circle but she's chill. Back to my partner, who's Caitlin again?" And why do I feel like I know her name?

Ronnie slung his sports bag over his shoulder, gripping it in case it fell. His jaw tensed up. He looked uncomfortable.

"Ahh, just someone I used to know. No big. Kind of a mousy geek, always hanging out that Cisco kid, she stares at us a lot."

I gave an amused smile at that. "Oh really? She sounds like a fan. So what's she look like? Is she pretty?"

Ronnie forced a laugh. "She ain't a dog but she's no Iris West. Seriously dude, get on that while you still can. Put Tony out of his meat-head misery."

I gave him a mock serious face. "Sure thing, totally get on that. Well, at least it won't be that bad."

I thought for a minute and felt like asking. "Did you guys have a thing or something?"

Ronnie's eyes expanded. "Iris, shit nah."

"No I meant Caitlin Snow, were you guys ever together?" I genuinely wanted to know, Ronnie was acting weird.

He shrugged again, but I could tell it was put on, like he was hiding something. I know how he gets when something's on his mind. I have my suspicions now.

"No, look man, I should go, promised Linda I was gonna send her my topic for the project thing. Catch you later, yeah?" As he said that Ronnie quickly moved further away.

"Sure..." I managed to say to basically air before realizing something was just totally off with him.

It definitely had to do with Caitlin, some girl I never met and hardly know. But why do I feel like I do?

Pulling my locker open, I took out my last stash of green. I really didn't wanna be coherent now, my stress levels could benefit but I saved it for tomorrow. Ronnie and Hartley would thank me later. I'm such a good friend to both those idiots.

I glanced at the clock and realized it was way too late to be here. Everyone had gone; you could still see the foggy condensation against the shower tiles of the room.

When I made my way out of the room and finally back to my car to get home, my mind was on Ronnie's odd behavior and this Caitlin girl. Clearly there was something going on and I was too damn curious for my own good. This is so stupid. This is not who I am. I don't judge someone before I actually know them. Ronnie mentioned that she used to stare at us. Does that mean she stared at me too and I had no idea?

To tell you the truth I was hella inquisitive about the whole thing. But it's none of my business, I guess, right?


	6. Chapter 6

** **

**Caitlin**

Monday came around in a flash as I stared off into space shoving books in and out of my locker when Cisco came up to me. I knew it was him by just the sound of his loud key rings. I wasn't in the mood mainly because I slept weird last night. My mind was stuck on someone. I kept thinking about Barry. Nothing in particular, just wondering about him as a person I misjudged. Maybe I really was wrong about everything I heard and saw on a dime. I looked at Cisco and I could tell he was acting funny. He called my name out a second time assuming I didn't hear him.

"Sorry I was being a little spacey. What's going on?" I asked casually.

Cisco's face looked anything but. He had the most serious expression that was too out of character, even for him to show.

"What?"

"What do you mean _what_? What's up with you and Barry?"

I rolled my eyes smiling and scoffed at him, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah I am. Why did you add him on Facebook?" Cisco said, slightly irritated.

I winced, hoping no one would notice that. In my defense I totally forgot that it shows who I last added on my page. Besides, he added me; it wasn't like I sought him out. But Cisco maybe wouldn't understand that by the way he reacted.

"It's not a big deal. Don't read anything into it."

"Uh, sorry, can't help it. You post private things on there. Why would you add Barry Allen so he can look at those? I thought you were scared of him last week?"

Cisco rarely if ever got me seriously ticked off, but now, he was being super nosy and I hated it.

I thought I could hide my face in my locker but I decided to shut it instead, opting to ignore him. I turned to face him with a bleak expression; I am in no mood right now.

"Cisco just stop; there's nothing to talk about. Besides, _again_ it's not a big deal." I looked at him pointedly. "Just let it go alright?"

Cisco's breathing tensed; he never got like this unless he really felt like something bad is going to happen. Usually Cisco's seriousness is never random. He had a reason behind it. I had no idea why he's acting this passive aggressive about it. It was like he's personally offended I added Barry.

"Look, I know I pushed you to talk to him, but Barry is just a guy you're doing a project with. Why does he have to be anything more than that?"

I scoffed a second time, rolling my eyes as I started walking down the nearly empty hallway to the bathroom. I knew Cisco was seething but I didn't care. It's _my_ life. There's nothing going on between me and Barry. Cisco doesn't know what kind of guy Barry is and he probably wouldn't believe me if I told him. Whatever, I'm bored with this. I didn't think Cisco of all people would be the one to instigate unnecessary drama but I guess stranger things have happened.

I had one more class today; I think I'm going to be OK, once I get over Cisco's out of nowhere outburst. Seriously, what kind shit is that? We're friends; we're not supposed to fight like that. In fact, I can't remember the last time Cisco and I had gotten into an actual fight. He does put up with a lot of my antics, I stress about stupid things a lot and he's usually the guy who casually lets it roll by. He normally had all the answers. Now it's just like he thinks I'm keeping a secret from him. Which was what exactly? Hell if I knew.

Barry and I hung out for barely 30 minutes on Saturday. I don't think this is grounds for admitting a confession that could destroy lives. I mean, please.

I washed my hands before going to my last class, the one I shared with Barry. I was actually looking forward to it. Normally I'm all work and stress out a lot in that class but now that I'm familiar with Barry, I don't know, maybe the teacher will pair us together so we could discuss more of the project and maybe some of those random, philosophical Barry-isms could come up. I liked when it did last time. It was new, different and unpredictable. It was something I wasn't used to. Mainly for a couple of reasons: someone was actually listening to me, someone in turn was actually challenging me.

I remembered this as I walked in the classroom. Barry was already there in the back corner of the room, texting and laughing with his friends Ronnie and Hartley. I rolled my eyes; I guess this came with the territory. With Ronnie, I don't wanna go there, maybe there's a nice bone in Hartley's body that I don't know about; maybe around Christmas time.

Class normally began later but the teacher was oddly on time. Cisco wasn't here for some strange reason. I guess it was better that way; I wasn't in the mood for his intense line of questioning of Barry Allen's Facebook motives. I mean, who cares? It's not like I'll stick out in the sea of friends Barry has on that popularity blog of his. That's all it is with people who have a Facebook, it's a very "look at me" type of social media. I have a good feeling there's probably a monsoon of cliques clogging up his news feed; he probably doesn't even recognize new people.

But what struck me was _he_ was the one who added me. Weird. Why did he seek me out? Ugh, this is stupid. I'm sounding like Cisco. I swear that guy worries about me like he was my brother. I should let this go. There is no motive, just trash that notion.

The teacher proceeded to give the class an activity to do and afterwards we were supposed to meet with our partner for the project for the remainder of the class. I wasn't rushing the assignment but I managed to be one of the first to finish in record time. Whew, this is my strong point too; if I was struggling I'd worry. Thank god I actually like this subject enough to breeze through it like it was elementary level science. And sometimes it felt that way since I am practically the female version of Matt Damon's character in _Good Will Hunting_.

As soon as I finished, I looked behind me where Barry sat, scratching his head, erasing marks and starting over. My mouth tensed, I felt bad for him but at least he's making an effort to try. I couldn't say the same about his friends. I'm assuming this is just to get a passable grade so he could stay on the team. I can't imagine the stress he's under, he's always on the go; maybe he doesn't even have time to study.

A bunch of people in class were beginning to stand up and change seats so they were sitting near their partners. I debated whether to go up to Barry now or wait until he was done with everything. On second thought...maybe I could help him out. I spotted Ronnie giving me a sideways glance as I stood up, gathering my things. I did not have time for this, he can stare all he wanted. I don't care if the entire team looked at me. Then again, Hartley was having eyes for the random girl in the halter top and the "trying too hard" makeup-smothered face so I was safe there. Though this was different, Ronnie was a completely different story for me. I'd since moved on with my life after what happened. There was no way I was going to let it affect me anymore.

His partner was Linda, figured. I thought it made it more sense, Barry could have been paired with her too. I rolled my eyes groaning that I was wasting anymore brain space thinking space about Ronnie Raymond and his partner for a second more. I changed gears and focused back on going over to Barry; he looked up as I made my way over. A curt smile appeared on his face as I sat down in the free chair next to him, I pushed it a little bit closer so we could work better together. I didn't want to be too close but everyone was doing it so I didn't want to look like the odd ball in the crowd. Plus we had sat closer than this at his house last Saturday so this is nothing.

"Hey Caitlin, what's going on?" Barry asked me, by then the entire class was already in their discussions.

"Not much. How's it going with you?" I paused, half smiling as he was writing so fast I thought his fingers were about to break off. "Do you need any help with that?"

I pulled out my completed assignment, offering to spot him. I wasn't going to let him copy it word for word but I still wanted him to get the right answers.

He shrugged. "All good, I'm almost done. I just had to reread some stuff over."

"Well that's good. I was still going to offer some help if you wanted—" Barry abruptly cut me off.

"I can do it myself." He probably realized how that sounded and grimaced, looked down from the paper then at me. "I'm sorry. I know you're trying to be nice. I prefer to just finish it."

"It's OK." I apologized. I could kick myself for butting in.

Maybe I overstepped my boundaries. I really didn't want him to think he was dense and couldn't think for himself. I just saw him struggle longer than everyone else to finish. I overdid it. Sinking back in my chair, I waited calmly while he finished the last part of the paper.

When he finished he put it away and took out his notes. I sat there saying nothing and watched him. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to speak yet or...?

I pulled out my notes from the weekend. I didn't want to start off doing too much research, I wanted Barry and me to actually work together and learn as we go so I jotted down core definitions just to brush up on the general topic we chose. It was stuff that I could basically recite in my sleep. But what was great about science is that there is always more to know.

"I like our topic." He said, pulling me out my quietness. "What do you think of it?"

I cleared my throat, trying to ignore what happened before. "Me too. I like it too."

Barry shuffled some papers together and took out one that had his handwriting on it. My eyes nearly protruded like an owls, the entire page was filled with notes. I looked at mine for comparison and felt uneasy. Barry sure did his homework. It was amazing he found time to do it all in a day.

"Wow..." I said, honestly speechless. Barry looked at me curiously, then at his notes. "I was just looking at your notes. That must have taken you hours to do."

"Oh, yeah, well, I knew this was a topic I didn't want to fall back on constantly so I made it a little easier and wrote down everything I pretty much didn't know. Is that bad?"

I shook my head. "No, you're a lot more prepared than I am."

He smiled, he looked happy I said that to him. Well now I'm impressed. Maybe Barry wasn't such a slacker after all. Another preconceived notion I can cross off my prejudging Rolodex of Barry Allen.

"It's actually really great you did that." I smiled and he looked at me with a smile of his own.

We began to compare notes and suddenly the teacher requested for the class to come up with a thesis statement for the term paper we're meant to turn in for this week. I looked at Barry and he had that look where he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"It's not that bad, I mean it's just one sentence. We have a general topic; it could be anything we want to explore. You don't have to think of it right away."

He looked slightly uneasy but masked it with a sly smile. "Well I thought it was going to be easier than that. I'm essentially bad at coming up with things on the spot, especially something I have to summarize, it's not my strong suit. It's not like songwriting or poetry."

My attention perked up. "Hmm?"

He leaned on his elbow to look at me properly. I thought for a second he was moving closer to me but I brushed that away.

"Well, in writing a song, there's a lot of room to fail because it's free verse, whereas if I'm summarizing what I'm saying—because I have to—then it just turns out wrong because the thoughts are often limited. It messes with my thought process. Poetry works the same way. There's freedom in the arts. School doesn't teach us that."

It was barely 2pm and already Barry was well into his Socrates dissertation. I smiled, laughing slightly as I wrote down some ideas while responding to him. I think I felt a blush coming to my cheeks because of how passionate he sounded about the subject.

"Well isn't that something to think about?"

"It is; I wish schools would recognize the value of freedom in art more. Especially writing. It shouldn't be so controlled." Barry replied, I got the feeling by his tone that he really meant it and hardly anyone understood him.

But fundamentally I saw value in it. I'm so used to sticking by the book, following the rules, didn't question, barely anything I ever do is unbridled. He had a point. I think school somewhat stiffens our ability to appreciate what's already in our given nature.

So just to piss him off I summarized that thought in his honor. "I think you're right about that."

He looked at me crossly but playfully all at once, knowing what I did but I just smiled and kept my eyes on my paper, continuing to write down suggestions. I would glance at him still in thought trying to come up with something. I didn't think Barry was out of his league. He's smart enough to come up with his own analysis. He's like anyone else at high school who hates the system: too much control. A big part of me agreed with that; maybe in my deeper thoughts. I'd grown so used to structure and itinerary I don't know any other way.

"You say very little. Why is that?" He asked me suddenly.

Well that was out of left field. Barry's observation of me had me stammering to reach for a response. I took a deep breath, hoping what I'm about to say didn't come out wrong.

"I don't know...I don't always say a lot I guess. It depends..."

"On what?"

"How interesting something is. I guess, I don't know. Good question."

"Would you give me an answer eventually?"

I took my eyes off the paper to look at him quickly, then back down. My eyes were locking with his and I didn't know what that meant.

"Yes, when I know the answer I will tell you."

"Great, I'd love to hear it."

He began to write and managed to jot down some ideas. I was happy to see that. Things were quiet for a little bit while we were working. I briefly checked the clock. We have 15 minutes left. The teacher may let us out early because of the project so I hoped for that to come.

"So, Ronnie told me about Cisco. He's your friend right?"

"Yeah, he is." I said, looking over something I was writing.

"That's cool. He seems like a cool guy. I mean I don't really know him but I haven't heard anything bad said about him."

I decided to let Barry just talk. I didn't really know what to respond back so I sent him nods and thin smiles as I went on working.

I heard him sigh heavily, uh oh. "You know, about the Facebook thing..."

I pulled away from my concentration to speak when he mentioned that. "I said it was OK Barry—" He cut me off holding his hand up.

"No, I know, it's just, none of my friends know about my page. Well I never told them about it."

My forehead crinkled. "What?"

"My page is set to private. None of my close friends know I have it. I keep a lot of my personal things on it. I hope, I don't know, you're not bothered by that, yeah?" He asked me, looking worried.

Honestly I hadn't noticed. Cisco mentioned Facebook pages were private. I rarely go on mine so I didn't get the fascination with that site. I'm not sure the last time I even made a post.

"No, to be honest I rarely am on it. I only signed up because Cisco wanted me to one day. I don't have many friends on there. I didn't even design it. If you really wanna know, I didn't look at your page. Do you not want me to be friends with you or...?" I was so confused I started rambling.

"No! No, no, don't get me wrong. It's just, nobody knows about that page. Hardly anyone does but a few people, who are, well, let's just say they are mutual likes of something I choose not to tell everyone. It's set to private for a reason."

"Is this a disclaimer or something?" I asked, having a feeling.

He nodded. "Sort of. Look, I know you don't run in my circle so who would you tell about it? But, the only people who know about it are people I trust."

My heart started racing again. I don't know if I liked it or not. Why would he add me? I didn't know what to think. I was no one to him, there was zero reason why he would add me. Not even his friends knew about his page. I debated whether to keep him as a friend or, just or. I felt torn. I haven't decided on deleting him. I didn't know that by accepting the request I was privy to his personal secrets.

But why would Barry trust me? We're _just_ partners. We're nothing more than that. I just don't get it.

The bell rang and I realized we were the last students in the classroom. The teacher obviously sent everyone early, even the teacher was gone. My mind was fuzzy. I really did not know what's going on. Cisco's words were ringing in my ears, bouncing between truth and fallacy. I really did not want him to be right about Barry. But what I don't get is Barry had no ill will when he sent that request. It was purely innocent.

I silently packed my stuff and on the way out when I heard my name being called.

Tensely I turned around as Barry caught up to me on my way out, he put some distance between us when he realized he was inches away from my face.

He looked flustered and rubbed the back of his neck. "Are we still meeting up after practice?"

What was I doing? Barry had no intentions like that. Maybe he just wanted a friend, I don't know but he chose me. Why me? This was buzzing in my head as I begun to answer back.

"I'll let you know." I said softly, no emotion in my voice as I turned around figuring out what the hell was going on with me and Barry.


	7. Chapter 7

** **

**Caitlin**

I gave myself a pep talk before considering meeting Barry for our project. It's going to be just for the project. I'm making it a rule if I have to. I need to enforce boundaries. Barry was beginning to change me, I can feel it and I'm not sure if I like it.

I checked my watch and realized I had 30 minutes until Barry is off from practice. This is it, now or never. I haven't heard back from Cisco, it's only been a few hours, Christ, he couldn't have been _that_ mad at me. Maybe I should reach out to him and see what's up.

On second thought, I think that might make it worse. I know Cisco; he's the type of guy—which is every type mostly—that prefers to take care of his own aggression alone. It's a guy thing I guess. When Cisco is ready he will talk to me.

I thought I felt someone near me; I have no idea why I was waiting near the guys' lock rooms. I so did not want to catch Barry in his unmentionables if that is what you're wondering. Not that they would let me in anyway. I sighed, leaning against the wall when I heard jogging near me and turned to the noise.

"Caitlin, hi." Ronnie said, I so was not ready for this.

But I remained civil since it's clear I am the one who's moved on. "Hi."

"Uh, how are you?" Now he was making small talk?

"Fine." I didn't want to ask if he was fine because I just didn't care. "I gotta go."

I moved passed him but he caught up to me. I was worried but kept moving.

"It was a long time ago Caitlin. I felt bad about it too. I _still_ feel bad." Ronnie said through panting because now we were both moving fast.

I stopped, turning to him; there was no way I was going to fall for that shit. "It's been a long time, like you said. I've moved on."

When I went to leave again he touched my arm gently. I really didn't like this at all. Familiar scenes came flooding back and I just wanted them to stay buried.

"I'm sorry, for everything. I don't know what else to say."

I scoffed, amused he was trying to reconcile at all. "Don't you think you _said_ and _did_ enough? I'm tired of this Ronnie. Just grow up and leave me alone."

He breathed in deeply. He looked only slightly sincere but my mind was too stuck on what happened. Yes I moved on but I am tired of reliving what happened between us. There is no us. He made that clear a long time ago.

"Caitlin if I could take everything back I would. You know me. You've seen how I really am. We were so close, I thought..." He trailed off as my eyes started to water. Oh no he wasn't going to trigger my emotions again.

"I'm not that naive girl anymore. You can't bring up what's already dead. That is what it is. Now back off. I am tired of reliving all that shit."

"Cisco would understand. He would hear me out. He knew how you felt. It was real, it really happened and then...I had no intention of truly hurting you."

"What you do doesn't affect me anymore. I was hurt but I got over it."

"Just like that?" He raised an eyebrow, not believing me. "Wow, that is what we meant to each other. Look I realize what I did and owned up to it but there's history here. Every time I look at you I'm being reminded of those times, I miss them."

"Good for you." I rolled my eyes, wondering when he was going to be done already. "I don't."

"Not at all? You told me so many amazing things during that time. I can't remember when I was happier. It was real Caitlin, no matter how much you're denying it."

"You're right Ronnie, I did feel and say those things, but they were said before I knew who you really were." I narrowed my eyes, continuing my speech. "Before I found out the truth, that it was all a lie. Everything..."

Ronnie smiled incredulously, "You're going to stand there and tell me you feel nothing? That what I did was so horrible that it made you erase all those feelings you had?"

"Yes." I said truthfully, once someone betrays me I forget they exist.

Ronnie shook his head in denial. But I wasn't lying right now, that's his battery surge.

"I don't believe you. You're either lying to me right now or you were lying to me during that time."

"I'm not responsible for the lies you tell yourself. I'm not the one who's being delusional now."

"Caitlin I..." he trailed off, I thought he was going to confess those empty words again. "I want us to be friends."

I shook my head, my blood was boiling. "You have _no_ right to ask me that. I owe you _nothing_."

I finally moved to leave but he caught my arm again, this time holding it like I was his property.

"Ronnie, let me go." I almost begged, I didn't want anyone to see us; I was surprised he was doing this in public.

"I wish I could. I tried to. I'm still trying to but it's hard. What we had was like nothing else—"

"And you managed to destroy that by being you. Now let me go."

When he pulled away I felt someone around us, there had to be someone watching us fight. I looked at Ronnie's face and he looked like he'd been hit by a bus. I did not care. Really, I didn't. He doesn't deserve another chance. His lies damaged anything we had. I'm not going to relive those days again. I've grown too much and put a lot of distance to repair myself to backtrack.

"I know I did. I regret it. I have regrets Caitlin that I need to live with. Your friendship would be valued, I promise."

"You are pathetic if you think I'm trusting you again. Stop it already. Enough is enough." I practically shouted, hoping no one would hear.

Ronnie suddenly had balls of steel when he walked closer to me. I backed away with wide eyes.

"Stay away from me." I said roughly, my voice was gravelly and menacing. I hoped it was enough to repel his efforts.

He looked defeated and all I could think of was good, about time. I couldn't even look at him anymore.

The sprinting team was beginning to come out of the lockers and I made it my cue to leave as soon as Ronnie had his attention turned on his jock friends. Ugh, screw him. Screw these feelings. I truly have never hated anyone more than I hate him right now. I said I wasn't going to be triggered and I was feeling like I had.

I decided to meet Barry. I liked his company. I already agreed to meet him before, and I wasn't going to back down on studying just because Ronnie Raymond chose to screw with my emotions at the most inopportune time. If wasn't fair to Barry if I didn't show. I got the feeling he would be hurt if I didn't. I don't know, that would bother me a little.

Maybe being around him might make me feel a little better. I'm still enforcing my study rule. I just hope my residual emotions don't show because that would really wreck everything that's seemingly normal in my life.

I told myself this as I walked to the cafe and took out my phone, texting Barry. I sighed after sending it and took a seat near the corner, passed the clique area. Better be safe than sorry. I looked at the words I wrote smiling slightly.

 **To: Barry**  
_Hey, I'm at the hangout, towards the back part.  
I'll see you here._


	8. Chapter 8

** **

**Barry**

It was Monday and I was already feeling like shit. This just added to it and I felt like a loser. I sighed lowly to myself as I watched Caitlin walk further away from me after our Science class together knowing I fucked up royally. I don't know what happened. We were getting along great, I finally felt like she and I were going in the right direction, then I brought up Facebook. Probably shouldn't have done that.

I don't know if she thought I was trying to impress her, I wasn't. The reason why I searched her name on that site is…I don't know. I was just curious about her. She felt like someone I could see myself getting closer to and it wouldn't scare me at all. I probably moved too fast when I told her about that. I guess she thought that maybe I was trying to use her or something.

But it honestly couldn't be further away from the truth. Maybe, I guess, part of me was interested in her as friends, just friends. I didn't know about the rest, but she's hella easy to talk to. I felt like in many ways she was my equal; I could bounce off my thoughts and she'd come right back with her critique. She didn't waver or simply agree to appease me. I liked that a lot. Girls do that so easily these days. Nobody has a mind of their own.

I checked my page to see if she was still there and didn't delete me and she was. Whew, OK dodged a bullet there. I literally breathed a sigh of relief. She doesn't hate me for what I said. That's progress. Maybe this won't hurt our chances to be great friends like I thought.

I have to admit though the entire time we talked I was looking at Caitlin's beautiful brown eyes behind her glasses. Really couldn't help myself. When she was writing her glasses would slip down and I'd get a good look at her doe eyes go wide every time she wrote down some new idea. I kind of was amused by that. It was beyond cute; her facial expressions should be recorded in a book or something. Each time I see her she seemed to have a new one and I laugh inside, if I showed my laughter on the outside she'd probably find me weird.

Oh well, I dragged my body to the locker rooms to change into my gear to get ready for practice. My jaw was clenched and I was so mad at myself for mentioning that to Caitlin. Who knows if she'll meet me for our project now? It's probably going to be all business, extremely awkward, tense meetings from here on. I'm kind of dreading it now if that is the reality.

Dejectedly I threw the rest of my stuff in my locker and jogged out to the meet area. I forced myself to run as hard as I can, possibly earn more brownie points from the coach. A little ass kissing would help somewhat right now. But I wasn't concerned with the practice or the validation. My mind was stuck on Caitlin. I tried pushing those thoughts away but I guess I couldn't help myself, I can't focus on sports. This wasn't supposed to happen to me so soon. I didn't think hurting Caitlin would have such a big affect on me like it has. I'm confused on if that was a good thing or not.

I didn't know Caitlin would be at all this intriguing. I barely knew who she was at the start of this, and now, she's all I want to know about. There is so much mystery to her that I feel like I'll die from curiosity if I don't know it. She interested me, but most of all, she's _interesting_. I can't figure her out for the life of me. I like that she doesn't pull away when I open a discussion with her. Aside from the mishap today, I hope it didn't ruin anything else. I'd really like to have more of those instances pop up in the future even if I am the one who instigates them.

But I might have pissed her off so I can't assume she'll return any attention to me other then working with me. I know she's not all work, I've tested it, and I feel like I just want more of that to continue between us.

After 30 minutes of grueling practice I looked around and noticed Ronnie wasn't around the meet this time. By some miracle I saw Hartley but he was barely participating. Ronnie doesn't always skip practice like this, normally there's a good reason behind it.

I jogged up to Hartley, asking him what was up with Ronnie and where was he. He just shrugged at me as I wiped the sweat off my face with the towel I brought and tried to clear my head at the same time. Where could he be? It's not like him to just walk out so early or skip it all together.

I walked back to the locker rooms determined to find out what's really going on. I probably did the fastest shower I've ever done in my life and ravenously grabbed my gear up, barely acknowledging my teammates as they were giving me jock nods. I made my way out and almost crashed into a body before walking outside.

"Barry. Hey." Iris West said flirtatiously. "Careful there."

"Hi Iris." I smiled thinly. I was half curious as to what she was doing here. Normally cheerleaders are affiliated with the Football players only. Track runners never interacted with them. "Excuse me." I said to her, trying to get by.

She was following me and began talking suddenly. I froze and almost stopped.

"So, what's going on with you? You just finish practice or something?" She put more honey in her tone but I tried my best to ignore it.

This was so one-sided I almost felt embarrassed for her. "Uh yeah. Look, I can't talk right now; I'm trying to see where Ronnie went to. Have you seen him around?"

She looked at me like she wanted to laugh but didn't. "Well I haven't really. You know, some of us on the squad watch you guys, there's even talk of us cheering at your marathons."

Not a chance that would happen. Not because of Iris or the vapid sport that is cheerleading but I just know our couch would be anal about nosy cheerleading adding to the already loud bleachers.

"Oh cool. Well I'm looking for him, would you tell him if you see him?" I asked her smiling, hoping she'd do me this favor.

She licked her lips, biting it as she nodded. "Of course. Hey, don't be a stranger; you should come by the practices. You're totally invited to the after parties for the varsity games."

Yeah, no thanks. "Sure, I appreciate that, thanks Iris. I'll uh, see you around?"

She waved and sauntered away from me, swaying her hips like Beyonce. I shook my head and continued on to check out Ronnie's no show when I stopped in my tracks. All I could do was stare, my face went from unsure to worry in mere seconds as I watched Ronnie grab hold of Caitlin Snow's arm.

My skin heated and my blood boiled inside.

This was not right, I had to do something. Just as I was about to pounce in on the argument the rest of the track team came out of the locker room and pumped up my ego some more. I really didn't care. Caitlin was in distress and I needed to stop it. I should go over there. By the time I looked over to where they were standing she was gone and he was standing around, slowly turning around staggering in place.

Ronnie came towards the locker rooms, his face was unreadable. He looked like he'd been punched in the face. Part of me wished it was my fist that came in contact with it.

He looked in my direction, putting on a new face but I didn't buy it.

"Oh hey man? What's up?" Ronnie asked me as I glared back at him.

I really didn't care for small talk, not after what I had just witnessed. All I had to offer to him was a promise that I was going to keep.

"Look I don't care what happened between you and Caitlin, but what I just saw out there man was out of line. Don't touch Caitlin again. Leave her alone."

I pushed passed him, barely giving him time to answer back. He needed to know I was serious, I didn't care what we called each other, he crossed a line and I wasn't going to let it slide.

As I made my way through the crowds of students I felt better about everything suddenly. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't stand by and do nothing there.

I took a gamble and walked from my car to the hangout, checking, just in case Caitlin would stop by. I don't know, I probably don't deserve it but a piece of me wished she was there; if only for me to check on her and see if Ronnie did any real damage. Worry hit me in between the eyes and my focus was on going to the handout, I didn't know if luck was on my side or she'd somehow give me another chance from the issue in Science earlier.

A myriad of questions came up in my head as I gave myself a self-talk before coming near the handout. I looked at it from a distance for a moment, feeling bad I was such a prick to her in class.

Who am I kidding of course she's not here. I should turn around. I moved my body when I felt my cell vibrate.

I pulled it out and I read the most beautiful words from Caitlin I've ever read.

A smile crept up to my lips and I was blushing to myself as I pivoted around to the entrance. She's giving me another chance. My life just felt a million times better.


	9. Chapter 9

** **

**Caitlin**

I was writing something down, brushing away residual Ronnie feelings off when I heard the desk vibrate with a knock.

I smiled despite what happened and stared into Barry's green eyes looking at me tenderly. Or at least I thought that's how it felt he was looking at me.

My cheeks blushed and the smile wouldn't leave my face.

"Hey, you came?"

"Yes, you messaged me."

"Yes." I said, pursing my lips. Barry was a sight for sore eyes, I'm getting used to his presence oddly.

I was starting to feel comfortable in it. I was getting the feeling that he's looking at me sometimes then when I look back he looks away. Maybe I'm just reading way too much into this guy. He's probably just being nice, nothing more.

"Go ahead. We got a booth in the back. I hope you don't mind." I said as Barry took his seat across from me.

"Not at all; I was a little—oh, never mind. Are you OK?" Barry asked, bit his lip and looked at me from the side.

"What?" I gasped slightly. "Oh you mean the Facebook thing?" I smiled.

"No, oh yeah, were you still OK with that? I mean you could delete me if you like—" I interrupted Barry's semi cute rambling.

"Barry, it's OK, I'm not bothered by it at all."

"Well that's good then." He sighed visibly as he cleared his throat. "Are you OK otherwise?"

Why do I get the feeling he knew something I didn't? "Yeah...I am. Are _you_ doing OK?"

Barry nodded stiffly, shrugging, "Yeah, maybe we should start."

I found myself nodding slowly, shaking my head as I gave him the itinerary I typed up. He looked at it with wide eyes and focused on reading it from top to bottom.

"OK, so how are we going to do this together? Like who's writing the thesis?"

"We both are." I said.

"Oh, wait, so we combine them?"

"No, we write them and take which one of ours that sounds the best. We only turn in one thesis but we could come up with a couple things on our own. What do you think?"

Barry sighed, looking at me almost like he was bored. Then I saw his attention turn to the front of the hangout, more directly to food on the big menu up top.

"Wanna get something to eat? I kinda skipped lunch today."

"Sure, did you want me to order something for you or?"

Barry smiled. "Well did you wanna have something too? I don't mind paying."

He looked like a really wanted to. But this wasn't a date, was it? No, we were studying, gotta get that idea out of my head.

"We could both pay, it's fine by me." I said and took out my wallet, pulling out a $20 as Barry stood up and waved it off.

"No worries, I got this. You can pay me back if you want next time. But you don't have to, this is my treat." He said matter-of-factly.

I huffed slightly, growing confused. _Was_ this a date? "OK then, don't wanna fight you over this, if you insist."

Barry grinned from ear to ear. "Great, what do you want?"

I thought of the first thing that came to mind, I was a tad hungry but I didn't wanna overdue it, I usually waited until I got home to really eat.

"A sandwich I guess."

"OK, any particular one or you don't care?"

I smiled, shaking my head. What's with all the precise details? "Surprise me. Nothing too big though if it's OK."

Barry nodded, "Alright then, be right back." He turned around and I found myself laughing at this entire thing.

Barry was acting a little, I don't know, _close_ is the word? Should I be worried? This wasn't a date; we were just at the same place at the same time, eating together. Not a freaking date. OK, I should chant that. Barry came back really quickly with one of those table numbers and placed it on the corner of our able.

"Well that was fast."

He shrugged, "There was nobody in line, I knew what I wanted and I got you something I hope you'll like. They'll bring it over here in a few."

"Thanks Barry, pay you back promise." I said, and I was promising, this is not a date. He's just treating me to be nice.

"It's optional, don't worry about it. So...what are our "partner" jobs again?"

I turned pink and rechecked the rules. "Thesis, one of us needs to have the better sentence."

"Oh, sorry, back on topic. I should probably take notes down." Barry said, bringing out his notebook as our food came.

We had a spacious table so the waitress put it on the side to not disturb our work. Barry took his sandwich and bit into it as he started writing while referring to the worksheet the teacher gave us.

I reached for mine and cut it up before taking a bite. Little habit Cisco seems to think is OCD of me but I didn't care. I tried it by taking a bite off the corners, it was pretty good. I normally don't eat this stuff but it tasted OK. I wiped my hands, sipped my drink and went back to writing. I was finished eating and writing by the time Barry put down his pen. He was mostly done with his food too, that's quite a talent he has.

"So what do you have? Or should I go first?" I asked him.

He silently read over what he wrote, looking unsure. "Well could I run it by you I guess? Like if it sounds bad just say something."

I don't see why he would think that. "Go ahead."

He held up his notebook and looked at me from the side, I watched him as he read off when he wrote.

"OK, here it is: "The heart: who is in control of us? Is the heart the center of us or is it brain? What are we led to believe and what are facts?" Sorry that's all I got...I know, that sounds really like—"

"No! It's very interesting." I began stammering, so out of character for me, I continued looking down on my page," I had something a little simpler but yours is complex. It involves the brain but the main topic is the heart, what is its control? Does it control everything in our systems? It's actually kind of great." I confessed, unable to hide the blush that crept on my cheeks.

He smiled shyly, I liked it, he still looked slightly unsure. "Really? You don't think it's stupid and maybe, a little corny? Like, tell me, will we be laughed at?"

I laughed, actually I giggled. Wow, didn't know I could giggle since Cisco last made me do it. "I don't think we will. I think we should use it."

Barry's eyes expanded, I thought he was frozen in place until his mouth moved. "Wait, whoa, what? You wanna use my topic for the project?"

"Yeah I think it's really good. It's general; we could do so much with it. Are you for that?"

Barry looked at me like I just told him he won the lottery but never entered his name. "No, just a little surprised. In fact I'm surprised. I didn't think it was that good or that you would like it."

I started to write down what he gave me and looked at him with approving eyes. "I like it Barry, this is really great to go from."

He laughed, shaking his head, I peeked at his face and he looked like he thought I was just kidding him. "Thanks, I was so scared of this part, I never know what to say or like what to come up with on the spot. I mean science isn't really my thing, I like philosophy a lot more."

I sipped from my drink remembering our conversation in his room. I wonder if he'll go into one of those little introspective dissertations again. Maybe a little coaxing on my part would help trigger it again. I tried to simultaneously look from my writing and focus on what to bring up, casually. I didn't want it to seem like I was doing it on purpose.

"I remember. I guess I just hardly looked at the world through someone else's eyes before. I keep thinking about what you said that day when I came over."

Barry leaned his chin on his palm, glancing at me curiously. "You do? You swear you're not bored by any of it?"

I shrugged. "Not so far. In fact I was curious about one thing." My eyes flickered from the page I was writing on to Barry leaning on my next word. "If you had to pick one quote from your favorite philosopher, who would it be and what would they say?"

Barry looked stumped as I stopped writing mid-sentence and glanced at him. He looked to be in thought as he took his time to answer me.

"Wow...there are so many, I would say my favorite philosopher in my eyes is from Plato, he said: "Sometimes you can discover more about a person in one hour of play than in a year of conversation." It's one of my top favorites."

I pulled myself back when I realized my body was leaning forward when he said that. To know Barry Allen knows more about me in the time that we met than Cisco has is sort of impossible. Why was questioning if it was true? We both shook out of the trance we were in, funny how we were both in one at the same time.

"We could continue this again, what day is good for you?" I asked in a small voice, not meaning to.

Barry checked his phone. I assumed it was a planner he was looking at, there was some slide action going on. "I have the end of the week open; I wish I had more days." He looked up, smiling slightly. "Well at least we have the hard part over with. Is there anything else we need to talk about?"

I wanted to say yes there is, I want to just talk to him, for hours, I want to learn more about this guy. Maybe I just want to lay in comfortable silence knowing he's near me; "to play" like Plato said. I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. I can't ignore the way he is looking me right now, it's almost too much.

I shook my head, ignoring my feelings inside. "No, the end of the week works."

Barry lingered in his staring before he nodded. "Should we get going?"

There was nobody in the hangout, we were nearly alone but I still found myself saying something against what I really wanted to say.

"Yeah, we should get back."

Barry and I stood up after packing up our things and threw away our garbage. He held the door open for me and I gave him a thin-lipped smile in return as I passed through it. I didn't want to speed passed him but I was feeling like I needed to not be so close to Barry right now. Inside I was feeling a little scared of moving forward. Seeing Ronnie today, that conversation, I winced as my eyes almost glassed over. Not again.

"Caitlin? Wait, wait up!" Barry's voice called as I turned around hiding any traces of sorrow from before. "Hey..." he said, looking at me with concern.

"Sorry, I was a little distracted."

Barry swallowed slowly scanning my face, I was feeling a little bit exposed when he did that.

"Are you sure you're alright? Did someone hurt you?"

I quickly shook my head. "No, why would you think that?"

"I—are you?" Barry asked me gently and all I wanted to do was tell him everything, finally break down and cry but I held myself together, like I always did.

"I just need to go home; I'm tired from the day." I half told him the truth, not wanting to drag him into any of my problems where Ronnie and my past is concerned.

"Do you need a ride back?"

I nodded silently as we walked back on the same pace to his car in the same place since that day I first talked to him. I hadn't realized it was only a week since I talked to Barry Allen, it felt like forever. When I look in his eyes I'm getting these feelings I just can't shake. He snuck a look at me while unlocking the car, opening the front passenger seat for me and jogging over to his end to get inside.

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to relax and forget about Ronnie completely, and press these unknown feelings I'm starting to have for Barry. If he suspected anything then I would just want to die. There is no way he is feeling what I'm feeling. Who knows how much I am freaking him out now with my awkward silences, thank god the radio turned on when he fired on the ignition.

"OK, I remember where you live; you don't have to tell me." Barry said jokingly, trying to get a reaction out of me.

I forced a small smile and turned my face to look outside. It was beginning to shower and I didn't bring anything with me. I prayed it would just be showers and not full on rain. There's only so much I could handle right now. It doesn't need to rain on me also.

What really bothered me was every time Barry drove me back home, something always made me feel heightened with emotion. Not saying it was purposely his fault but it made me feel uneasy that Barry is the type of guy to bring out such intensity in me. I have no idea why I'm feeling this way around him, I thought he was only a jock at school only interested in easy girls.

Why do I get the feeling it's me he's more curious about then with them? I shook my head, that's crazy. We barely know each other, at least I think we don't...I don't know anymore.

Ronnie's behavior has made me closed off for a while now, and he is Barry's friend. It was a good thing Barry didn't see us fight, it's none of his business and I didn't want to make it his either. We aren't friends; we aren't anything to each other.

I slowly looked at Barry driving smoothly on the road nearing to my house and bit down on my lip. Watching him stay so focused and easy going made me curious; I didn't know what I was getting myself into the more I hung around him.

I have no idea what's happening to me. Why couldn't I just work on the project and not feel this way? Wait, what way?

"OK, here we are." Barry said, shaking me out of my confusion, thank god.

He parked in the driveway and turned off the ignition. I sighed, staring directly in the front of me. My god, I'm losing it. Barry is not Ronnie and Ronnie is certainly not the guy Barry is. I need to get out of here before I completely lose it.

"Thank you," I said to him before my hand came on the handle, hesitating to pull it at first.

"Caitlin?" Barry asked suddenly. I shook, froze in place before opening the door entirely. Oh god, please don't whatever you do, ask me if I am OK, just don't. I might do something...I don't know what, but please don't ask me that.

I turned back to him. "Yeah?"

He smiled looking down and picked up his soft green eyes to stare directly into mine. "I appreciate you saying you liked my ideas. That really means a lot to me."

I eased, my body let go of the tension, I could almost could feel his hand lacing with mine and realized I was near his actual hand.

I didn't move it, oh god, what's wrong with me? What's truly going on here? I shook my head pulling my hand back to grip my bag a little bit tighter.

The look Barry was giving me made my hand want to go back to where it was, where it was going to, where it belongs.

I tried to focus on responding back to him. He looked as if he was waiting on my words. Another crazy notion.

"You're welcome, I liked it a lot." I spoke softly, unable to keep my tone from going any louder; I smiled genuinely at his reaction.

I couldn't help my face from reacting, almost mirroring his motions. I wanted to stay; I felt like I should stay, I didn't want to leave just yet.

"See you on Friday, take care." Barry said, saving me before I did something...I don't know what that something was, but it didn't make me feel the way Ronnie made me feel.

It was deeper, tranquil, my heart was leading and I was allowing it to. I bowed my head, smiling slightly before getting out of Barry's car. I kept my face forward, unable to erase my emotions rising up like a cool, calm ocean wave.

Oh my god, am I falling for Barry Allen?


	10. Chapter 10

** **

**Barry**

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I felt like I was suffocating in my car. I didn't want Caitlin to leave, there was something...I don't know what it is, but I felt something there. I can't define it either. I'm only feeling it and I'm not sure I can hold myself back anymore being around her.

I bit the bullet and said what I said. Do I regret it? No, I meant it. That quote I told her at the hangout defined the situation I'm feeling. Maybe Caitlin probably doesn't see it or feel it, but I made sure she knew it. How I would protect her from guys like Ronnie, even if he was one of my good friends. I'd take her side over his. How I wouldn't abandon her if she called me, like today; I was heading there anyway, not thinking she was going to be there, especially after what I saw with her and Ronnie.

She's brave, but she doesn't have to be. How can I feel this way for someone I just met only a week ago? Maybe I should just leave it alone, do the project, and not be so damn curious about her. I just don't know what to do now...that moment I looked into her eyes when I confessed my favorite quote, she looked at me like she knew something I didn't. If I screwed things up again with her then it's on me and I accept the blame. I don't want her mad at me. I care what she thinks—god, this is nuts! I don't get this way about girls. They are mainly the least of my worries. Most of them don't even interest me because they are just not interesting. Caitlin is the first girl to make me second guess that.

Ugh, this is just not good. I shouldn't hold onto this as a reason to obsess. She probably finds me creepy anyway and I agree, maybe I should be more stealth about how I feel. Hide it at all costs and ignore any building feelings I may have.

Maybe it's the way she talked to me. How she looked at me when she thought I wasn't aware. How at times I'm around her I find myself staring at the way her lips shaped the words she was saying. And now she knows about me liking philosophy. Hell, I never told Ronnie, Hartley, not even my parents know about my private likes.

I just can't help myself. Before I could control it I pulled out my phone, letting my thumb dance around Caitlin's number. I winced and put it away. Grumbling inside, I put my car in reverse, backing out of her driveway as I could feel the car slowly be covered in drizzles of rain, then full on rain as soon as I drove back home. When I opened the car garage I parked my car noticing my dad's car wasn't in its place. Shit. I had it figured. Would have been nice to see him when I got back. I could use his words of wisdom now more than ever.

I don't think I ever felt this way about a girl before...it's scary to me, I have no idea what's going on inside me. I thought—I felt she was going to do something and then she didn't. Was she feeling it too? Oh man, I wish I knew what happened with Ronnie, why she felt the need to change the subject as soon as he's brought up, Ronnie had the same behavior too. But I didn't care to hear his side. As harsh as that sounds, my own friend is taking a back door to Caitlin Snow. Oh god, where's my dad when I need him?

I jumped as I heard the sound of thunder hammering against the roof, then came droplets of water hitting against the stream of the drain pipes. I've been alone before and this is no big deal but now of all times, I didn't want to. My mind was too scattered. I wondered what Caitlin was doing now. Was she alone too? Were her parents home? What is her family like? That is only skimming the surface of what I truly wanna know about this girl.

I'm driving myself nuts and I shouldn't. This will all blow over soon. We'll do the project, turn it in, never talk to each other again. I don't need to know about Ronnie or feel my body grew cold whenever she's not near me.

For a second I thought about it, then I pushed it out of my head. Before I could stop myself my fingers moved against my phone to the Facebook app. I tinkered around, locating Caitlin's name and basic status. She wasn't kidding, it was practically empty aside from the kitten post Cisco put on her wall and her rolling her eyes in an emoji.

Then I looked around for a moment and my attention stopped on a name: Cisco Ramon. Wait, OK, I know this is over stepping my bounds but if anybody knew a thing about Caitlin Snow, then it's Cisco Ramon. I've only seen him in hallways so I don't know the nature of the beast.

I half closed my eyes and clicked on his name. His profile wasn't set to private. OK, that's good, and there was a way to send him something through his inbox. I held my breath and tried not to think so much. I sent him a small greeting, shaking my head at my chances. Something tells me he is probably going to be Team Caitlin on this, I don't blame him.

I threw my phone on the couch and went to the kitchen to grab a soda and unscrewed the top hearing the fizz almost sound like a hiss at what I just did. I definitely messed things up again. Yeah right, like her friend even knew who the hell I was, not every person in our high school has to know the jocks, I guess he'd seen me with Ronnie, I don't know, he might have thought I was just like him. Wouldn't be the first time someone thought that.

I heard my phone do that alert noise that sounded like a pop on Facebook messages. No way, I went over to the couch and grabbed my phone, narrowing my eyes when I slid the lock to glance at the message.

He replied. What the actual hell? OK, calm down, read it. Can't believe I have to remind myself to calm down.

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_What do you want man?_

This was fair, he had no clue who I was or why I was wanting to talk to him out of nowhere. Alright, deep breaths.

 **Barry Allen**  
_I need to know something, about Caitlin..._

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_What about her?_

 **Barry Allen**  
_I saw something today. My friend Ronnie Raymond wasn't at practice, it's not like him to not show up. I saw him with Caitlin after I got off from practice, it didn't look good._

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_What happened? Did he hurt her again?_

 **Barry Allen**  
_Again?! Wait, what happened between them that he hurt her the first time?_

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_Look dude, I just wanna know what happened today so I threaten him when I see him._

 **Barry Allen**  
_I already did..._

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_What? Seriously what happened?_

 **Barry Allen**  
_I saw him trying to force her to talk to him, look, can we talk on the calling feature? What I have to say needs to be heard. I don't want you to misunderstand me.  
_

**Cisco Ramon**  
_I only have the feature if you're my friend._

 **Barry Allen**  
_Oh OK..._

 **Cisco Ramon**  
_Alright just this one time. Can I trust you?_

 **Barry Allen**  
_Completely %1,000._

A message popped up before I could take a second to think after my answer.

 _**Cisco Ramon** _ _has requested to be Your Friend_  
_**Accept or Decline?** _

I hit accept and instantly had Cisco calling me on my end. I took a deep breath before picking it up.

"Hi."

"Yeah hi. OK, so tell me what happened? Tell me what you saw? Tell me what you did after it?" Cisco laid it down pretty honestly for me.

But my intentions weren't to lie, I had no reason to. I started from the beginning, telling him everything and what I planned to do to him.

"...I wanted to punch him, pretty badly. I never wanted to do that until today. He's my best friend but something snapped inside me when I saw him hurting her, when I watched him grab Caitlin."

"Wow, wish I could have been there. Look, Caitlin and Ronnie have a shitty history together. It started last summer. I've been trying to help her deal with it but she keeps telling me she's fine and she just wanted to be alone. I think she was really hurt by it but she wasn't open up to me much. Did you hear what he said to her?"

I scratched the back of my head. "No, I only saw them arguing and then he grabbed her arm. I was about to go over there and I don't know, probably get suspected for the day, risk the coach finding out. Then I turned my head for a second because our team was letting out and watched Caitlin walk away."

"Where to?"

"Well today she met up with me for our project at the hangout. I didn't think she would. I don't know why she did. When I saw her she looked like she was putting up a big wall, probably to protect herself. I didn't want to pry but I brought up if anything was bothering her, I'm just worried about her..."

"Why?" Cisco sniffed at me. "What's in it for you?"

I shook my head, he still didn't trust me. "Nothing, I've gotten to know her, maybe more than I wanted to. It's not what you're thinking. We've just gotten really close in a short amount of time."

"Alright." Cisco sighed. "I don't feel like your intentions are gnarly like Ronnie's were. I'm glad you thought it was out of line. If my best friend did that I'd punch him hard and I wouldn't care about the consequences. If you can get her to open up about Ronnie, chances are, she trusts you more than you think."

"I won't push her. I don't even know what happened between them; I just know it sounds bad. I have her number."

"I wouldn't try to get her to talk to you, she either wants to or she won't. Most of the time she won't. She can be quite icy when it comes to feelings. Especially painful ones."

I paused for a brief moment wondering what the hell I was going to do about about Caitlin now that I know it isn't going to be easy.

"I get that. I'll respect that."

"Why do you care about her so much? I don't mean to sound rude or like, a dick, but why do you care about Caitlin?"

I swallowed hard, feeling the lump in my throat thicken as I tried to ignore it enough to answer him.

"I don't know, I just do. I feel protective over her. As a friend. I know she has you, I'm worried Ronnie hurt her emotionally too."

Cisco groaned on the other end. He sounded like he knew what I was talking about. I hoped that was true.

"I think—I think the best way is to let her come to you. I've been friends with her since we were in the sandbox, she was like that even in the sandbox."

I wanted to smile but I sighed instead, "Thanks, I guess I have to wait then."

"Between us, Caitlin isn't talking to me right now but that's my fault. I was going to walk up to her at school and barrel through the awkwardness. She's actually quite forgiving when you're honest with her."

My phone made a noise and I took it away from my ear, looking at the receiver.

Caitlin is calling me. Oh god. OK, be cool.

"Hey can I take this call? It's important."

"No worries, you're not so bad man, maybe we can chat again. Take care." Cisco said as he ended the call.

I instantly slid the answer key.

"Hey, Caitlin, what's up?"

There was silence for a few seconds, "Umm, did your power go out too?"

I looked around the house and noticed the living room was suddenly really dark and the clocks were blinking that 12:00 time when it's reset, then shut off before I could register it.

"Yeah, looks like it." Thunder rumbled outside as I went to the window to check it out. Rain was coming down pretty hard and I thought I saw lightening glimmer in the distance following the thunder.

"Are you OK?" I couldn't control my concern.

"I don't like thunder storms. Oh god that's embarrassing, I'm sorry I called—"

"No, it's alright. I'm alone here, did you want me to come over there?"

"Maybe."

"I'll be right there."


	11. Chapter 11

** **

**Caitlin**

After a few long minutes I felt like I can finally deal with this like a normal person after my hands stopped shaking. This wasn't working, I tried to calm down by taking a shower but it wasn't settling down my nerves. OK, I don't even know why or how I had the guts to call Barry and actually infer that he should come over. Like, I didn't even stop to think he is probably thinking of other things besides me. As if Barry Allen really gave a shit about me. But...he said he would be here. Odd. I'm not quite sure why he agreed to come over.

More importantly, I'm not entirely sure why I gave the idea that I needed him here. I feel like I do, I don't know. Things are flimsy between us. This is one of those times that I need Cisco around. He is the best person to come to for advice, but I can't do that right now. He's mad at me because of Barry and I can only imagine his disgust if I even brought him up for any reason. I guess he'll never understand Barry isn't anything like Ronnie. I can't convince him otherwise too. Cisco will be whatever he is about it; he's just as stubborn as I am.

I jumped when I heard knocking. I didn't have time to process it until the door bell rang, startling me. I unfroze my body and made my way to the door.

When I flung it open, I was surprised to see a rain-soaked Barry Allen standing in front of me. His eyes were focused on me and I almost didn't believe it. _Shit, OK move you dork._

"Hey, Cait, are you alright?" He asked, moving closer to me, unaware that I moved backward.

"Yeah—yes. Yeah, I am. Are you?" I looked down and my eyes grew wider if possible. "Come in. I—here, come inside."

He nodded and made his way inside as I just looked at him standing on my door mat. It seemed like he was standing out in the rain; I filled in the awkward silence with some good old fashioned genuine rambling.

"I didn't realize it was pouring that hard out there, not that I didn't notice it before." I spoke as thunder rumbled and a small gasp escaped my lips.

Barry looked at me and smirked. "You OK?"

I waved him off but inside I was shaking, I didn't want to be too obvious about it. "Yeah, of course. Have you started on the project yet?"

"The project? I thought you said the teacher told us it was "thesis only" week?"

My eyes went wide as I folded my arms. "I did? Oh yeah, that's true. That's because it's true, yes, that's true."

Barry took a moment before he softly laughed at me. He shook off his jacket still laughing slightly while looking at me.

"Sorry that one was just too funny. Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yeah," I backed away to give him room, "of course I am. Are you?"

Barry gave a thin-lipped smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Can I—can I use your restroom?" He asked, pulling me out of my funk.

"Yeah, it's upstairs, first door on the left."

"Great." He smiled, "So, are your folks home?"

"No." I looked around, rubbing my shoulders as more thunder clasped my attention. "Are yours?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. They were supposed to be I think my dad might be out of town again."

"Oh? Is he, usually?"

Barry looked uncomfortable for a moment and I regretted asking the question. "Yeah...it sucks."

I tried to change the subject quickly. "So, did you need to uh?" I gestured upstairs.

"Oh yeah, thanks." He smiled so wide it reached his eyes. It almost looked blinding, like headlights beaming in pitch blackness.

Barry went upstairs while I willed myself for the umpteenth time to calm down. The thunder was now rumbling in small baby waves, ricocheting around my house but it was still enough to rile me. I took a deep breath before using my phone as a flashlight to find some unused candles. Better there be some light then trying to turn into a nocturnal bat in my own house. Plus I really hated trying to meander my way around, it really made me feel unsafe. Maybe that's why I called Barry. I guess part of me wanted him here so I wouldn't freak out. The look on his face when I invited him inside burned in my mind. I had a small feeling he was concerned for me, maybe part of me wanted to believe that. I don't know...my feelings for him are...oh wait, the matches. Damn it!

The book of matches was just where they were left at but the candles seemed to be misplaced. I took my phone around the top part of the kitchen, locating old birthday candles. Hell no, I knew my mom kept some of those scented ones for a purpose like this. People gave them to her in gift baskets for the holidays often. She barely used them. Thank you mom!

I bit my lip and went to the dining room, searching the secretary behind the dinner table for the candles; still nothing.

Thinking for a minute, I went to the kitchen on the off chance that she stored them in the cabinets. She had a habit to do that with things we hardly use.

"Hey," I jumped and stared at Barry coming near the kitchen holding something in his hand. "So I found this, I don't know if you wanted to but maybe we could use it for the living room. They're kinda scented though," he smiled, holding up the cylinder shaped white candle.

"Oh...yeah thanks." I came to him and he gave it to me. "Where were they?"

"Behind the mirror. I was closing it and I thought you might need it to see. _We_ might." Barry smiled thinly.

Something about the way he said "we" really stung at me. I pushed it away and turned around as he followed me back to the living room where I put the candle on the coffee table. Taking the book of matches out I fished for a couple in case the first one didn't ignite a flame. I leaned down to get level with the wick and managed to light it with ease. When I stored the matches away I turned back around to find Barry's eyes on me.

I suppose this is where I need to just say it.

"You're probably wondering why I called you." I said, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

"Actually no."

My eyes went wide. "What?"

"I mean—it's obvious why, like the power is still out, who knows how long it will be until it comes back? I'd feel a little weird myself being alone in the dark."

An amused smiled came to my face as I relaxed my tense body. "You would?"

Barry turned his body to me, mirroring my gesture. "I'm not like afraid of the dark, it's just, being alone in the dark and not knowing when the light will come back feels a little funny. I know that sounds really pathetic coming from a guy. I'd never tell my friends this..." he paused looking down at his lap.

My mouth twitched, he looked nervous, I changed the subject immediately.

"I didn't know if you were doing anything. I know I probably should have reached Cisco, but, I don't know, he's mad at me." _Because of you_ , I thought but kept it locked in my mind.

"Why don't you call him and find out? Or, maybe talk to him about it. See if he's mad or you never know..."

Barry said that like he knew something I didn't. I almost wanted to laugh when thunder pounded and a flash of lightening followed after.

"You know you're doing that a lot."

I pulled out the sleeves of my sweater jacket and did my best to cover my trepidation with moving my hair to the side.

"Doing what?"

Barry smiled at me, even in the darkness I could make out how bright it was.

"React to the thunderstorm. Are you sc—?"

"No, oh no. I'm not like, hell no. Shit no. Oh god nope." I looked to the window near the front door and noticed the curtains weren't closed.

"Do you normally curse when you white lie?"

"Shit no. I mean-no. I'm not lying." I didn't make eye contact and kept my eyes on the curtains before looking to the side.

My peripheral version revealed Barry watching me with a silly smile. I hesitated before standing up to shut the curtains.

Behind me I heard his laughing but not in the mean-spirited way, it was soft, almost angelic, like his smile. Maybe in the back of my mind I think he's smiling at me, not because of how weird I sound.

"You know..." he started to say behind me, "there's nothing wrong with a little thunder and lightning. There's nothing that's going to get you."

"I know that." Although I didn't but he doesn't need to know that. "Just forgot to close it."

I reached my hands to move the curtains together but I felt Barry's hand cover mine gently. I stopped breathing but then I heard his shallow breathing and turned my face to the side.

"What are you afraid of...Caitlin Snow?" Barry whispered close to my ear, sending small shivers from the area his voice had touched.

"N-nothing. Why-why do you think that?" I asked him as he removed his hand over mine.

Barry moved to the side to look at me then cast a glance outside, focusing on the storm as it grew stronger in front of us.

"There's nature showing off for us. It's never been this strong before. We're inside, it can't get us."

I forced myself to push off the shivers I was getting from his touch. I had to calm down; the unpredictability of this night was getting a little too real for me.

"I know..." I watched as more thunder came drumming then a strong lightening blot crackled in the sky. "It's still, just a little bit crazy."

"Not as crazy as being struck by lightning. Actually that'd be kind of cool."

"Cool? It's crazy; you'd die or be in a coma."

"Or develop a stutter." I looked at him rolling my eyes. "Since anything can happen, how about special abilities?"

"What makes you think that? Getting struck by lightning is an instant hazard, only the worst would come from it. Sounds like something out of a comic book."

"Ahh, but an interesting one. Pretty sure it'll be epic when it happens. Better than being an average track star, well, beginning novice one."

I bit my lip and looked at him seriously. Even though yes I didn't know much about his jock life he didn't seem like he was small time.

"I think you're more than your track medals. Sports isn't the only thing you're good at." I said, trying to get Barry to see me but he was avoiding my eyes. "Don't you think?"

"I don't know...I think you have to be in that world to understand it. Half of the time I don't know if this is all I'll ever be. I don't think I want my legacy to be just this. How sad would that be?"

I hated seeing Barry so glum. His smile lit up the room; he could light this entire house if he just looked on the bright side of things.

"Well if that's the way you see it then that's what it's going to be."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I feel it I guess, it's weird; I didn't think life had more than just a plan, until I met you."

He looked at me, catching me off guard as he sighed slowly. I felt myself watching the way he breathed, his jaw locking as his eyes scanned my face. I quickly broke the gaze and moved back to the couch where the shivers that grew over my body seemed to stop. The dissipation made my body feel cold.

"You think I'm not going to be just a jock? Isn't that the role I'm supposed to play? I swear as soon as I came to this school you had to have a label." Barry stayed near the window, watching the storm pour over the neighborhood.

I stayed on the couch, putting some distance between us but not enough where I was ignoring him.

"It's like that in every high school. Somehow I feel like high school is just one big giant planned event. Cisco and I didn't fit into any clique, we despised them. I mean not like Iris West and Linda Park. Pretty sure those girls hate me," Barry turned to look at me when I said that, I felt remorse. "I'm sorry, I-it was the first thought..."

"Why do you think they hate you?"

I stumbled over myself before answering. "I guess because I don't really care about being popular. I mean, Iris West, cliché, _every_ guy wants her. Maybe it's me but I don't see the hype. Linda apparently has everything. I guess they think it's going to last forever. Being known. I don't know what I'm saying..." I huffed crossing my arms.

Maybe Barry is getting scared of me now. I couldn't blame him, he hasn't moved from the window yet. His face is staring straight forward, his body leaned against the side of the window. He made a sudden move to shut the curtains and sat on his side of the couch.

"I guess, I don't know, I guess you're right on some level."

I started to speak but held back, and then I cleared my throat trying to form the right words my thoughts produced.

"I didn't mean you."

Barry glanced at me, his eyes were glazed over; the beautiful glow covering his face made me want to keep looking at him, if I could do it forever I would. I saw bits of deep green and lime in his eyes, colors I hadn't noticed before. My lips parted and I felt like I was in a trance. He was looking at me with his jaw locked.

If he was mad at me, oh god. I don't know what I'd do. This is more than just someone I want to pass a project with. He is becoming more. Did I want this to happen?

"I know you didn't mean me, Cait." Barry said gently, calling me that name because I allowed him.

I shook my head softly, turning my body so I was completely looking his way, unflinching and unafraid. But I was shaking inside, scared of what this could mean. What my heart could endure.

"I'm starting to think I was completely wrong about who you are."

Barry moved closer to me in a subtle manner, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

"Who do you think I am?"

My hair fell in my eyes as I struggled to see in front of me. The strong glow of the candle made his face even more luminous than before, the sweet scents of its perfume dancing in the air as it tickled my nose, drawing my attention to the moment in front of me.

"You are someone who—" I placed my hand over my heart; feeling and hearing the beats soar over my wildest expectations. "I think you're misunderstood. People miss that about you. I think people assume they have you figured out. But they don't really know you. I can't stop thinking about what you told me earlier. I can't stop hearing those words."

Barry smiled slightly, his brows lifting with the slightest efforts; I could have sworn he moved closer to me. I didn't back away. I stayed.

"I felt like you are the only person who can understand them," Barry whispered, moving his body closer to me, closing the gaps that were putting distance between our bodies. "That's why."

I don't know what possessed me but I felt myself closing in the gap further. Slowly I came closer but was shocked as I gasped at the entire house being strung up in overhead light. I didn't move but my eyes looked around the room, making sure it wasn't a dream. Did it really...?

"Did the power...?

"...come back?" He finished for me.

I stood up checking the rooms around the house until I jogged upstairs, checking everything, confused and flustered.

Sighing I turned around and almost crashed into Barry, he caught me before I could. I looked in his eyes before hesitating to walk back downstairs. The TV suddenly came on, the clocks were working again. Everything just seemed like it was back to normal. Wow...

"I thought it was going to be hours." I commented, feeling Barry near me as I blew out the candle.

Awkwardly I stood up looking at Barry before he cleared his throat.

"Are you going to be OK for the rest of the night?"

I took a second to nod slowly; my hands were shivering as I put them through my hair.

"Are you sure, Cait?" Barry asked me again. I felt really embarrassed to look at him after what almost happened.

What did almost happen? I can't even come to terms with it. But he was moving too! Oh my god.

My mind would not shut up. I hadn't realized Barry was still standing there until I made myself speak.

"Yeah-yes. Sorry I just—" Barry hung onto my dangling words. "I really was scared before. When it was out."

He smiled. "Well I knew that. I admitted I was too. For a moment though, I didn't feel so scared."

My shallow breathing came back. "So, um, I didn't want to take you away from anything if you were busy. Like I know I interrupted your life and—"

"Why do you say that? I wanted to come over."

"Cause I'm so interesting..." I rolled my eyes.

"Actually, you are." Barry said making me stare into his eyes, searching for any hints of humor.

I found none.

A smile came to my face so effortlessly. I couldn't erase it either. Maybe I deserved feeling this way. Maybe Ronnie didn't have to be the last man to make me feel this way. Maybe Barry could be...

"I don't know about that. I don't research philosophy for fun."

"There's still more I haven't told you. I wasn't sure if you wanted to know."

My eyes focused on Barry as my lips shaped the words. "I do. I want to know more."

"I definitely want to tell you everything I know. Maybe you'll teach me something I don't know too."

I blushed quickly, noticing the TV was still on in the background. "I can turn this off."

Barry nodded as I switched it off as we walked to the front door. "You sure you're gonna be OK?"

"You keep asking me that."

"Just wanted to make sure you are."

I'm starting to think this really was a dream. A guy like Barry noticing me. Doesn't sound like reality to me.

"I should be yes. What about you?"

"Yeah," Barry said, I got the feeling he wanted to say more but I guess I was reading into it as he reached for his jacket, putting it on.

I watched him step outside where it was only drizzling. It seemed like the storm had calmed down enough for the city to the get the power back.

Barry stood on my door step before giving me a look. "I keep thinking you might need someone near in case the thunder comes back."

"Are you really going to give me shit about that? At least I'm not afraid of the dark."

"Afraid of the power not coming back, get your facts right." Barry playfully pointed at me.

I narrowed my eyes and stuck out my tongue. "I should be just fine. Don't need you to speed over here as soon as I call you."

"Imagine if that were possible?"

"Me being needy?"

"No me having powers from nature to help people."

I smiled; Barry certainly was one of a kind. "You really believe in something that impossible?"

"Hey if it happened to anyone out of sheer coincidence it wouldn't be impossible anymore. Would be great if it was me. Just imagine?"

My heart warmed suddenly and the words spilled out before I could take them back.

"I think with or without any type of fame or superpower, what matters is you. If you have a good heart then the world is already a better place. The other is just a bonus part of who you are." Oh god, I feel like I really rambled the hell out of that but Barry was looking at me in that serious manner like before.

The moment before we...he visibly took a deep breath before gesturing behind him.

"I should go...it's getting kind of late." He said, moving down to the stoop.

"You know what's more impossible than super powers?"

"What's that?"

"A good friendship."

"What are you saying you wanna be friends? We could do that." Barry smiled as he skipped down the stoop. "You sure Cisco would be OK with that?"

I laughed. "It's my life and he would be." I flicked my eyes in his direction as he took his time walking to his car. "Goodnight Barry."

"Sweet dreams Caitlin. Until we meet again "Partner"." He winked and waved my way as I waved back, feeling my cheeks heat up in the cold gust of wind.

I watched him get inside and turn on the car until I realized I was staring and caught myself before closing the door.

I put my back against the door; the blush on the cheeks stung my skin. The vibrations were permeating over my body down to my fingertips.

My hand felt for my phone as I started a text message to Cisco first telling him to meet me near my locker tomorrow. My finger stopped around Barry's name. I let it linger like I always did, feeling that I should confess something but pulled it back. Barry probably thought he just made friends with some weird girl. If I texted him immediately after he left he can add stalker to that label.

But in that moment, my heart didn't let me care. I almost kissed Barry Allen tonight. And oh god, I feel like he would have kissed me back. Maybe it was in my head. Either way I know my mind won't rest easy on what just happened. My dreams are going to be Barry-themed tonight. Laughing to myself, I missed the part where that is such a bad thing.


	12. Chapter 12

** **

**Barry**

Thursday came around sooner than I thought. I was feeling sick the last couple of days so I stayed home to get better. This sucks, I hate it when I have to. Normally I let it pass through my system and somehow get healed the more I ran. Funny, I always thought I was a fast healer, guess I'm just over thinking it. My mind always had a hankering for the impossible, miracles if you will. You'd think I was already some kind of super human.

Though I don't know if people at school cared all that much about that; I know the coach would be on my ass if I missed a practice, as if everything rides on winning competitions. Some things are more important than being in good health I guess. On that note, I'm starting to think track is something I happen to just do, it's not my passion. Hell, I don't think anyone at school really has a clue what their passion is.

I think I do. Least that's what I've been playing around with. After I had some time to think after what happened—er—almost happened between Caitlin and me that night; I found myself repeating a pattern nonstop. Also I can't stop replaying those looks she was giving me. The things she told me about...I think she was referring to me but I didn't believe her, I don't think of myself in that way; which led me to what I was doing right now. I didn't know I had any more ideas until my pen found the steno pad the words were pouring from the ink.

I'm not like a prodigy but I always found lyrics came naturally to me. It's the music that never quite came as easily. There are people that have it down like it was second nature. But me, I was afraid of it, I didn't think I had what it took to fully complete an idea. Until now...

Caitlin Snow had inspired me to really try at something I've been scared of. It started after she left. I went through my closet and reached for what I felt I needed. I had the means to buy a new guitar but my dad came through recently to help me out. Before I would only just look at it and rarely play it. When I picked it up to riff I felt like everything I played sounded the same. Then came the myriad of excuses. Cords are jammed, my pic gets stuck inside the sound hole and I have to dump it out just to start over again, strings were too loose, then they were strung too tight, I had a long enough list that I memorized eventually. So I put it away, I don't know, a piece of me was taken away too.

If I had focused on sports and trying to attain passable grades I can live with it. I don't know if that was the best plan. It didn't feel plausible; to say goodbye, just because I was afraid and it was too damn hard to continue.

In my mind, for a while, giving up was best. I still wrote lyrics but I felt like there was no passion behind them. I had no purpose, nothing mused me when I put my pen to paper. I guess this is what hardcore writer's block really entailed. I felt like there was a hole inside and I was just filling it with other things just to sustain myself. Waiting for that one thing to make it take off.

I'm 17 years old; I don't want to live like this. Maybe Caitlin is right, maybe I'm more than just Barry Allen, "hot" newcomer that can date anyone and be anyone's friend. I guess I didn't seriously think about how short my time really was and all the hype. I only came to this school in September. Looking back at it puts things into too much perspective. I don't know how I felt about that.

A feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawed at me suddenly. A knock made me conceal it away as I heard my dad's voice behind the door.

"Yeah dad?" I asked as the door opened ajar, his face peeking through.

"Hey slugger." He said, opening the door further open. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I nodded, "Better, thanks. Good enough for school. It's good to see you around dad. I know you work often, thanks for checking on me."

"Of course my boy. I know recently I haven't been attentive and work has been nothing but chaotic for the past month but I haven't forgotten about you." My dad smiled, and I believed him.

I always forgave my dad for not taking more of an interest in my life, especially sports. I put it behind me every time he couldn't make it to a race; even I wasn't the best athlete he always made me feel like I was.

"Something bothering you son?"

I shook my head. Even though my dad hadn't been around it felt like the sun is shining on me when he is. I guess that's why I forgave his absences. Seeing him at all meant something to me. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"I don't know..."

"Well, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me about it. I'm here to listen."

I cleared my throat, never have I been so nervous before, maybe the moment before Caitlin opened her door to let me in that night came close.

"There's someone I—"

"Is this someone at school? A girl?"

I winced, was I being too obvious? "Kind of. I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, we're like we've never hung out together. She's not like other girls at school. It's bothering me."

My dad raised his eyebrow and smiled slightly. "You don't think I've been where you are? Son, this girl, if she is special to you then let her know this in some way. Let her know how you feel. Do you know how to do that?"

I shook my head, drawing a blank. Why did I have to learn things the hard way?

"Find ways to be around her. Is there a way you can take her somewhere? Just the two of you?"

"We kinda, we work together on this thing. A project thing. But I want...more time. I feel like the only times we hang out is when we work together. Do I sound crazy? I know I'm young, but I feel like she's so incredibly—I feel like I have to do something about it."

Dad stood up and padded my shoulder. "I have faith you'll make the right decision. Don't second guess yourself. Perhaps she's struggling with the same things you are."

"I don't know that for sure."

"Find out. We can talk more about this when I get home tonight. Have a good day at school slugger. Good to have you healthy again."

I smiled and called my dad before he turned to head out. "Yeah?"

"What if, what if she doesn't feel the same? What do I do then?"

"Barry, if this girl doesn't see what an amazing person you are, then it's truly her loss. You have a big heart, that's what matters most. Be honest with her, you can't go wrong. I'll be here when you need me. OK?"

I nodded, taking a huge breath finally relaxing my tense muscles. As I watched dad give me a wave while walking out I spun around in my desk chair.

I guess he was right. There nothing to be scared of, maybe this is all in my head. I stopped spinning and pushed my body out the chair. I wasn't going to get anything done this way. I don't think Caitlin would…I mean, why me? Why would she pick me?

Trying not to fret over it I made myself get ready for the day. My mind was still stuck on all this; I think my dad was just trying to make me feel better. He meant well, whatever, I can't predict these things. I swear...I thought she may feel as I do. Especially on the night I came over.

I looked at my phone numerous times, thinking, prodding, and trying to decide whether I should say this over the phone or in person.

As I gathered my items for a full day of school I contemplated coming straight to Caitlin. I know it would seem out of character for me but this is eating me up, I can't help myself.

Just then as I slid into the front seat of my car a strange feeling came over me while I turned the ignition; what if Caitlin was feeling the same way but she is just as scared as I am to say anything? Like my dad said, what are the chances of that happening? The doubtful side wanted to know. That possibility crossed my mind a lot but I never had seriously considered it to be plausible until now. It couldn't just be me. There was something pulling us together that night.

I feel like it's my mission to find out what it is and what could we do about it? If she indeed felt the same, then...OK getting ahead of myself here. But on the off chance that she does and told me, it could change things between us.

I hope it does. I smiled slightly while pulling out of my driveway and onto the road heading to school. Yeah I wasn't %100 but it didn't matter. Knowing what I know and feeling what I think I may be feeling, it could shake things up for me. I just need to make sure of a few things before I approach her.

Whatever happened with Ronnie, I want to make her understand that we are not the same person. Yeah he's my friend—using that term loosely—but it still doesn't mean him and are function alike. I have to make sure no guys are around her. It has to be a free pasture sighting. No loose wolves to deal with. I don't know if I could handle competition. I mean, who cares right? I was gone for two days, Cisco doesn't count really, but it would be cool if he wasn't around to be "protector guy friend." I must say though, it's interesting he gave me a shot. I'm still floored.

It was a short ride as usual but with all the thoughts in my head it felt like a much longer one. Now, it's finally first period but I have to find Caitlin before I head to class. There's no way I'll have time, I guess I'm going to have to barrel through all these classes until lunch comes around. It can't come soon enough!

Success, what a boring day to come back. Caitlin and I hadn't crossed paths yet. Her and I only have that one class together, the one class I really wanted more time in. Forty-five minutes is too short. I need all day. I need the entire week. I just want _more_. I have so much I want to say and I feel like my window to say it is getting shorter and shorter.

Ronnie and I crossed paths right before we left the other direction. I was in mood to deal with him right now. This is going to be a hell of a long day. I just have one more class period until my freedom call to lunch. Not that I'm expecting Caitlin to be there, waiting for me. It would make it easier.

I finally managed to sulk through the end of English and packed up my stuff as soon as the teacher gave us the green light. Thank god it was quiz day, we were told to leave as soon as we finished. I made it through the classroom and was determined to find Caitlin's locker.

My attention was taken away when my phone buzzed. I had a second thought to ignore it but it could be from Caitlin so I check it to make sure if I was right.

 _Hey man, we should talk ok?  
_ **Ronnie Raymond**

Did I really want to do this? For some reason I feel like he's going to give me some bull shit story and I had enough integrity to avoid it. Why am I thinking he's jealous of all the time I've spent with Caitlin? Something happened between them and I knew it was him who caused it. He had no right to flag me down. Not when it's obvious he was to blame for what Caitlin went through.

I made it a point to ignore the message and continue on to scavenge for Caitlin's locker. I know I've seen her around it once or twice so I've got a slight idea where it might be. It took a few minutes before I had to backtrack and search another building for the locker.

How embarrassing would it be if when I found it, she wasn't there and I ended up pacing around like some stalker? I don't want to come off like this, not to her. Ronnie might be holding that torch but that is not the way I am. I don't know, sort of losing hope.

"Hey man." I turned to the voice and it was Cisco tapping on my shoulder.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey, what's up? Have you seen Caitlin anywhere?"

"Yeah, she was—uh, she's coming. Why? Did she tell you about Ronnie yet?" Cisco asked me, he looked eager to get that bit of information.

I shook my head. "No, I don't wanna bring him up at all. I feel like the past should stay in the past. I'm curious to know but I can't press her about it. I'm afraid she's going to close off."

Cisco rolled his eyes. "Caitlin can be frosty. Not like ice queen but more like projectiles out of nowhere. You don't want that bro."

I nodded as we walked down the hall and I asked him where her locker was. He told me where as we can walk there and I agreed to follow him.

"I don't think she'll suspect anything is up if I'm there. We made up yesterday."

"You and Caitlin? Oh yeah, you said she was upset about something. Is everything OK between you guys?"

Cisco smirked. "I brought up the fact that I know for sure Dante has ties to a known Latino gang and she smiled. I threatened, properly this time to go after Ronnie if he tried to get fresh again. I don't think I would have held back if I saw that."

I smiled. "Maybe it would have worth it to get suspended for a day."

"Wow…" Cisco stopped walking and I stopped with him. His face was serious. "I guess I didn't realize how you felt."

My jaw dropped slightly and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. "Yeah...neither did I."

"Are you going to tell her?"

I gulped. Was I supposed to have an answer? Isn't that why I came to school today? Suddenly I grew scared of something...hearing how real it is made everything seem final. Dad told me to be strong, go after what I want. I do know what that is I'm just not sure if it's the perfect time to tell her.

"I don't know...maybe, maybe not. I mean, I thought things could be done slower, just so I'm not setting myself for something I can't get out of easily. We have to work together. I'm afraid it'll change things— change everything. Is this even making sense?"

Cisco started walking again and I continued with him. "I see what you're saying. I've known Cait better than anyone here, but sometimes she can be unpredictable. What if it changes everything for the better?"

I thought for a second before answering. "There's only one way to tell. I don't even know if she sees me that way. We're just friends, that I can handle, I don't know if she has eyes for someone else, that's what has me worried. Do you know if she has?"

"No, she hasn't mentioned anyone to me. I haven't seen her look at anyone at all. I've only seen her interactions with you. Check her body language. Cait is a big tell when it comes to that stuff. You might have some insight on how she feels."

Cisco and I stopped in front of a bank of lockers which I assumed one of them had to be Caitlin's. I hope if she saw me here she doesn't get the impression that I'm stalking her best friend to get answers. Cisco is a great guy. I could see why she trusted him, why they always hang out together. I could see the loyalty, it's really cool; it's something that kind of lacked in my world. I used to pin Ronnie to the best friend category, now I'm not so sure where his loyalty lies.

I didn't realize I was staring at Caitlin's locker until Cisco pushed my shoulder with a childish smile.

"You got it bad dude. I didn't think it was like this. Honestly I thought she might have been a conquest for you. No offense, the company you keep didn't pass through my douche radar."

"None taken." I sighed, leaning against the locker next to hers. "I could see why you'd think that. Is there some way to prove that to her?"

Cisco nodded behind me. "Find out for yourself." I turned around and was met with Caitlin's sweet smile and soft eyes.

I barely noticed anything else. I tried not be so obvious and smiled back, my nervous were attached embarrassingly.

Her lips curved into a full smile and I couldn't help but stare. "Hi, Barry. Cisco, what's going on here?"

"Uh nothing I—"

"We were just—"

"Talking." We both said looking at each other, trying to not act like weirdos.

Caitlin laughed curtly while looking in between us and passed by me to get to her locker. "O-K." She put some books inside and got some out as I looked on.

Cisco was trying to make eye contact with me and I missed it the first time. My eyes asked "what" and he nodded to Caitlin oblivious to our little mimed conversation.

I narrowed my eyes and bit my lip while shaking my head. "I can't" I mouthed to him and followed with "not now."

Cisco threw up his arms and cleared his throat. "So Cait, yeah, Barry's got something he wants to say to you. I'll meet up with you back in Science. Later guys."

I watched Caitlin's confused face as Cisco backed up the other direction, leaving us alone like he promised.

Never in my life how I felt like I should hide somewhere. This moment was—I was just not ready. Oh god, she's looking at me.

"We usually meet up for lunch, wonder what's going on with him?" Caitlin asked staring where Cisco had gone to.

"I don't know..." I spoke, trailing off on purpose. I had nothing to add.

"Hmm," she turned around to face me, god she looks amazing today. "So what's going on with you? You weren't in class the last couple days. Were you OK?"

 _She noticed_ , a smile spread over my face. "Yeah, it was nothing though. I'm fine now. Lots of rest."

Caitlin nodded and pulled something from her locker which she stuffed inside her bag. "That's good." She shut her locker. "What are you doing for lunch?"

My eyes bugged out but I caught myself before I looked really shocked. "Uhh, nothing." I checked my phone. "We have some time left."

" _We_?" Caitlin raised her eyebrow.

"I mean, students, we, us, like all of us, like, that go to school. You know?" I laughed, not doing a good job at hiding my blush.

"Oh…well you wanna go eat together? Just us?" She asked, smirking and I couldn't help but think she's mocking me.

"What about Cisco? Don't you wanna go eat with your friends?"

"I do." She smiled sweetly. I just now got it.

I gestured in the lamest way. "Oh, you mean, oh sorry I didn't know. Umm, sure, yeah, let's go."

Wow, I thought I wasn't going to make it out of there alive. Thank god for her actually wanting to be around me. This is a good sign, finally some good things might happen. We started walking together when a voice I vaguely recognized pulled me out of my reverie.

"Hey, Caitlin, hey!"

We turned around and was met with—

"Hey, oh Jason, thank you! Oh wow, thanks for bringing it back." Caitlin said taking her cell phone from his grasp.

"No problem, oh and it's Jay." He smiled; all his straight, pearly white teeth showed as was hers and all I could do was watch it like a car wreck.

They shared a look and I couldn't help but glare at the exchange.

He nodded to me, as if he didn't notice me standing there, "Barry, hey. I haven't seen you at the meet the last few days."

I nodded back almost sarcastically. "Yeah well I'm back, _Jay_."

Caitlin snapped her fingers and I hardly paid attention. "Yeah I forgot, because I didn't have a partner in Science, Jay offered to sub for you. Thanks a lot."

"No worries," he said and I hated his voice already. "Barry, see you at the meet. Good to you have you back man."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and bit back words I really wanted to say to this guy. I let go of the fist I was making and eased up.

"Thanks, it's good to be back." My tone inside was seething but what came out was calm as I put on an actor's smile while watching Jay and Caitlin grin at each other.

What am I thinking the last couple of days I've been replaced?


	13. Chapter 13

** **

**Caitlin**

Monday turned into Thursday and I'm thinking I should have not gone to school at all. Why bother? Is that all I'm good for? Sometimes I feel like my entire world would fall apart if I don't go to school, get immaculate grades and get into the best college there is. At least that's how I feel when I'm around my dad. My mom could barely acknowledge my existence and when she did it was ordering me around like a Tiger Mom. I don't know what it is, being around someone like Barry sort of felt unsettling to know my own family really doesn't care as long as I win academically. Barry didn't seem like he was raised that way, not the way I was raised. Oh god, the shit I grew up with...

"It's my ass on the line." "I've worked too hard to make sure you were going on the right path." "School will save your life, get excellent marks only." "I don't care what you do, just get straight A's Caitlin." "Why would you consider a frivolous elective as a career option?" "Caitlin your mother and I love you but please get your head out of the clouds." "Pick the career choice that will benefit you later in life financially." "Don't you want to have it all? A family, career and money? I can't support you forever."

Alright I was just skimming the surface, I could be here all day listing the reasons why my parents view school as the only way I can get by in life but I'd rather just groan through it all. Groan and do it. What other choice do I have? I guess none. I'm only 17 and I feel like my life is already over. Somehow it's weird...I never questioned my plans that were basically laid out for me since I was in first grade...until now.

Strange because I wasn't someone that would normally revert backward. But was I? I'm not even sure the path that I'd chosen is mine to begin with. I thought my parents had my best interest at heart, I guess deep down they do. Sure, they want the best for me, what parent doesn't? But where do I come in? I've always been taught from early on with my teachers, counselors, elders of the sort that you can't make a hobby a career.

But wait a second...? What is a career? Is it something that I'm supposed to go almost a decade of school through? I guess if you really wanted that life and were passionate enough, you could get through it. I'm having small doubts I could, perfect timing too. I'm about to graduate at the middle of the year and I feel like I have nothing of mine to show for it. There's a lot for my parents where they are concerned.

I guess it's a good thing I'm an only child but a bad thing that I'm an only child. Was Barry an only child? I don't remember asking him that. On second thought, where is Barry lately? I didn't see him in class these past few days and he didn't text or call to let me know if we were still on for Friday. I'm starting to think with all the "close" moments we've had, he's pushing me away. I didn't like that. It bothered me while I began getting ready for class.

Should I go look for him? I'll probably embarrass myself even more than I have. They paired me up yesterday with Jason Garrick, some vague track dude I barely knew about since I blocked Ronnie out of my lexicon. Jason wasn't Ronnie but he was a typical jock, at least at first glance. The teacher randomly paired us up because Barry wasn't around and Jason didn't have his partner with him either. We were supposed to do this assignment together and my mind was on: what's going on with Barry? I feel like I've become obsessed with him. God I hope he hasn't picked up on that. I think Jason can sense I was a little off so I brushed it off as best I could until the day was over. Even when Barry's not around I'm still thinking about him. What we were doing that night? What could we have done had the power waited a little long to come back...?

I don't know, I feel like it was one big dream, like most things none of it actually happened. Today I just want to not feel so stressed out about Barry. It was probably all in my head. He doesn't feel the same, what are the chances that he does?

There was a hard knock on my door that jolted me from packing my stuff together. My eyes went wide when my dad's voice stilled me.

I've been afraid of very few things but my dad didn't make it easy to get along with him. I wish it was different, but I don't think he cared about what I wanted.

"Caitlin, did you make sure to ask for extra credit?"

I licked my lips, biting on my bottom one as I white lied again. "Yeah, I did."

"That's my girl. I expect outstanding marks on your comments by the end of the semester. Only high marks, nothing below a 95% sweetie, alright?"

I didn't answer, I felt like my silence would answer it for me. Didn't work, he grumbled as he cleared his throat.

"Caitlin Marie, did you hear what I said?" My dad repeated, this time coming into my room as I began to shake. "Confirm the answer to my question young lady."

"Yes dad. I did." I said more firmly this time, looking at him. "I made sure."

My dad paused before opening the door widely, "Don't disappoint me. Your mother and I made certain that you would be getting into the best colleges out there. Now you wouldn't want to throw that away, would you?"

"No, sir. I wouldn't." I spoke slightly timid.

Without another word, no bye, no "have a good day" he nodded staunchly and turned the opposite direction. It was hopeless. My dad was so far gone. My mom couldn't be reasoned with either. She sided with my dad on most things. Part of me always thought it was because she was afraid of him. Dad can be verbally abusive at times. I don't blame my mom turning a blind eye to his rants about how "perfect" my academic life should be. No false moves or...just or, my dad never finished that sentence. I thought he meant I was going to be kicked out of the house to fend on my own.

To be honest, that would solve more problems than create them.

I didn't have the energy to drive and I didn't wanna ring up Cisco to bum another ride so I got all my stuff together and waited for the school bus to pick me up. I could walk if I wanted, yeah I'm hella close but the energy is just not there. Dad did a good job of sucking the positive life force out of me. I don't know why I let him get to me so much. I said this year was going to be different and it wound up being the same as it was like last year. I was finally going to have a backbone; that was the goal that wasn't.

I was feeling better when the bus picked me up and dropped me off in the back of campus. Even though I feel an enormous amount of pressure when I enter a classroom, I felt safer here than I do at home. My home is just another story. I don't think I'll ever be happy. I don't think I'll ever be good enough.

On the plus Cisco and I nodded to each other after first period. I felt a little better seeing my friend again. I haven't crossed paths with Barry yet. I have no idea if he was thinking of me like I was of him. With the Barry situation, I'm just going to see what happens. I can't push this and I'm not going to ask him directly how he felt. I think it should be obvious if we both want to spend extra time together. Even Cisco was coming around, didn't think he'd go from 0 to 360 with approval but I am grateful for it.

I put on my best face, the one I always wear whenever things are bothering me and I can't show it, not even to my best friend. It got easier because I could just distract myself with class work and bite my tongue until the tense feelings melt away.

English was my last class before lunch and I took a deep breath before opening the door to take my seat. I'm always early so there were usually a few people around me. I didn't waste time in opening my bag and taking out the class novel just to get a head start on the homework. I barely knew anyone in here so it didn't matter if I was by myself.

As I dove into my reading I started to get the feeling that I was being watched. I took my eyes off the words for a moment looking around but no one gave me a second glance. Shaking my head I skimmed back to the place on the page I was just reading.

My eyes flicked toward the clock and I resumed back as soon as I calculated how much time I had left.

Wasn't long until more students crowded the room like a hoe down and I was the one in the back nursing the flat beer. There was no way I was gonna get this finished by the time the teacher came in. I read as fast as I could before I jumped slightly when a bag pack dropped next to me.

I cleared my throat trying to concentrate but the distractions were getting too hefty. I slowly gave up and started getting my notes together with my homework.

"Hey oh, Caitlin," I heard beside me. My eyes narrowed slightly before turning to the seat next to me. "We uh—"

I pointed and my face went red from embarrassment. "Yeah, umm, what was your name again? Sorry, I blanked on it for a second."

He smiled, running his fingers through his straight blond hair that fell in his eyes. "Jason, but my teammates call me Jay. It's a nick name I guess."

I smiled, still pink from before. "Oh, so yeah, yesterday. I mean, yeah thanks for covering for me. I wouldn't have done the project if it weren't for you."

This guy Jason, or uh, Jay had a stark of coolness about him. Made me slightly curious, but sort of weary too. I pushed that feeling away as I heard his response in time.

"No worries. You got Allen right?"

I nodded slightly. "Allen? Oh yeah, Barry, he hasn't been around lately. I'm a little worried."

Jay listened with an amused expression. "Oh? You guys are...? I mean it's none of my business, are you together?"

My eyes bugged out and I almost stumbled over myself. "Oh uh no, we're not. He's just a friend. Yeah, shit no."

Jay's eyes crinkled as a smile spread across his face. "Alright. I haven't seen him at the meets either. We run together. I don't hang out with his friends but we're cool with each other."

I swallowed uneasily. Was I supposed to be discussing Barry like this to someone like Jay? Another jock? Maybe he's different like Barry.

I was a skeptic though. "That's nice. Oh shit, she's here."

"Who?" He looked around and sighed heavily. "Yeah well that's why we're here aren't we?"

The corners of my mouth rose as I turned back around so I was sitting in the center. I glanced at Jay looking at me and immediately turned around before he caught me again. I pulled out my phone and placed it in front of me, touching the screen just to make sure I didn't get any messages from Barry. Yeah right, he might be really sick; I'm the last thing on his mind surely.

Just as I was about to focus on the board in front of the class, a folded up note was placed on my desk. I looked at it for a moment before turning to side eye Jay. Curiosity got the better of me as I unfolded the note, reading its contents.

_Are you sure you're OK? You seem worried about something? -Jay_

I bit my lip almost neglecting the note but I couldn't, not when I actually needed someone to talk to. My problems were weighing hard on me and it was getting hard to hide them. I wrote back and prayed the teacher wasn't staring at the back at us.

_No, it's OK. Don't worry about me. -Caitlin_

I folded it up and when the teacher's back was turned for a split second placed it back on the desk next to me. I didn't bother looking at Jay to make sure he read it; I just acted as if nothing was going on. I can't afford to be caught doing anything inappropriate. I hope Jay leaves it be. To be honest, he seemed sincere but I don't know if I could fully trust him. I don't know if he's a fraction of what Barry is.

The note was back on before I could think straight. Jay was fast; I wondered why he wanted to know about me. We barely knew each other, I'm not even sure if he's legit. I couldn't help myself as I unfolded the page and read the words under my message.  
 _  
I do actually. I'm sorry if that sounds weird. Wanna step outside and we'll talk about it? -Jay_

As soon as I read the first and last line I shivered. How could this be? We met once. It wasn't that long ago either. This sounded really, I don't know, what is the word? Forced? I mean, oh hell, I don't know what he's thinking; we are strangers. He sounded like he was from another world. I'm having a hard time buying this nice guy act, nevertheless, I know it's easy to go there with the jocks at our school, I don't think Jay came off as one of those guys. I'm having in between feelings about this. He said he knew Barry, did that mean he knew Ronnie? Was Ronnie in league with him? Were they "bros" too?

My brain hurt from all the painful inquisitions swirling around. I sighed watching the teacher read something off the text book as I dove into my answer.

_Thanks, I'm sorry but I don't think talking would fix what's going on in my life. Unless you can time travel and change the way life is. -Caitlin_

Using my quick reflexes to place the note back on Jay's desk, I prayed this was the end of it.

"Caitlin...Caitlin..." False alarm, I heard my name being whispered by Jay but ignored it as I stared forward trying to focus on what the teacher was saying.

I checked my phone under my notebook again and rolled my eyes. I'm being so pathetic. Screw this. Why am I thinking I'm so special? As if a guy will just like me out of the blue? It doesn't work like that, shit, I don't think I'm good enough for that.

The folded note was placed on the corner of my desk. I sighed, pushing it away. I wasn't going to read it. I had to keep reminding myself that.

I felt Jay's eyes on me as he was checking if I looked at it. Not gonna do it. To be honest, I just don't want to explain my problems to a stranger. I think Jay is being a little intrusive and I'm just not in the mood to spill everything that's wrong.

Even if he's just like Barry, I don't care. Not today. I just want to put on a fake smile and do my work. I'm good at pretending things are OK this shouldn't be any different.

Before I had much time to give it another thought, the teacher let us out early to get started on our work. Thank god for that.

I wanted to make sure I was out of there before Jay could see me read it. I managed to get out and ran to the ladies bathroom unfolding it. Screw it I was too curious for my own good.

_Maybe not, I'm sorry for bothering you. I just have a problem with seeing people so down. Trust me, time travel will make it worse. If you're not doing anything after school, meet me at the hangout. I apologize if I'm prying, if you don't wanna meet me I completely understand. -Jay_

I stopped in place and realized that I was freaking out over nothing. I'm carrying a load of my home life into school and it's really messing things up. Jay wasn't a bad guy, I don't think he is. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe I'm just shocked anyone besides Cisco would chat with me because they want to.

Alright, I don't have to act like everything is a huge deal. I'm just gonna go to my locker and ignore everything else.

Put on a smile? Check. Everything's forgotten? Check. Cisco's talking to me to distract me? Check. Barry Allen is the least of my worries? Half check. Still don't know on that one. I need to get out of here.

I walked as briskly as I could and pushed away residual uneasiness until I came to the hallway. I'm just gonna act this whole thing through. It can't get any worse than it already has.

Rounding the corner I stopped abruptly, oh god, Barry, what the? What's he doing next to my locker? Talking to Cisco, my Cisco? Is this real? What's going on? Cisco had a huge thing about me talking to him now it seemed like he's best bros with Barry? OK, that isn't a bad thing per say, just out of nowhere.

I shouldn't be staring I look crazy bugging my eyes out here. Maybe it's not what it looked like. I'm being annoying again.

Only one way to find out.

I greeted both of them with a smile plastered on my face; Barry looked like he'd seen a ghost but smirked, looking at Cisco. These guys were acting like something was going on. I didn't have time to find out, I stepped forward and went to my locker, getting what I needed out. There was no way I was going to pry or get pried today. I just wanted to forget and smile my way through it. Hopefully I can fool Barry, not sure about Cisco. He's normally on to me when things are up. I'm just not in any mood.

Oddly I felt like Cisco was gonna do something when I almost finished my locker. Turns out we're closer than I thought.

He said he had to bail the second I looked around confused. He murmured something about Barry wanting to tell me something and I did a mini panic inside. What is going on? I wanted to ask but all I could do is stare and raise my eyebrows in question. And what was so big that Barry had to tell me alone?

I briefly looked at Barry kind of pointedly as if asking what the hell is going on? I shook my head narrowing my eyes at the situation.

"We usually meet up for lunch, wonder what's going on with him?" I asked, my eyes still on Cisco leaving us alone.

"I don't know..." Barry trailed off.

"Hmm," I turned around to face him, watching him watch me. Umm, OK wow, "So what's going on with you? You weren't in class the last couple days. Were you OK?"  
 _  
_A bright smile spread over his face. "Yeah, it was nothing though. I'm fine now. Lots of rest."

I nodded and pulled something from my locker which I'd stuffed inside my bag. "That's good." I shut my locker. "What are you doing for lunch?"

Barry's green eyes bugged out but he caught himself. "Uhh, nothing." he checked my phone. "We have some time left."

" _We_?" I mused as I raised my eyebrow.

"I mean, students, we, us, like all of us, like, that go to school. You know?" His laugh was uncanny; I was starting to love it along with his face turning pink.

"Oh…well you wanna go eat together? Just us?" I asked, Barry looked at me like he thought I was making fun of him. Why would he think that?

"What about Cisco? Don't you wanna go eat with your friends?"

I almost blushed myself before what I said next.

"I do." I smiled watching Barry nod in understanding me.

Barry gestured in the cutest way. "Oh, you mean, oh sorry I didn't know. Umm, sure, yeah, let's go."

I was starting to think I was going to feel a lot better. Barry and I began walking together making our way outside when I heard a familiar voice and steps behind us. I turned around and saw Jason step in front of us. He looked surprised to see us together.

"Hey, Caitlin, hey!"

I looked at what he was carrying and he brought it in front of me.

"Hey, oh Jason, thank you! Oh wow, thanks for bringing it back." I said taking my cell from his grasp. It was a grasp; it almost felt like he didn't want to release it.

This is so awkward. I can't imagine what Barry is thinking. I fake smiled and Jay returned it back.

"No problem, oh and it's Jay." He smiled and all I could do was feel bad about how Barry must feel. I got the feeling Barry was watching us closely. That could be a good sign, I hope.

He nodded to Barry suddenly, as if he didn't notice him standing there, "Barry, hey. I haven't seen you at the meet the last few days."

Barry nodded back with a sly expression. "Yeah well I'm back, _Jay_." Was he jealous?

In sheer panic I suddenly snapped my fingers wanting to get rid of this guy and prove to Barry there was nothing going on. "Yeah I forgot, because I didn't have a partner in Science, Jay offered to sub for you. Thanks a lot." I half meant it, I really did need a partner but I was saying it to close the situation fast.

"No worries," he said, again. He liked that word. OK he's definitely a jock. I'm making it a thing to not give him my attention. "Barry, see you at the meet. Good to you have you back man."

Barry visibly swallowed a lump in his throat; he looked like he wanted to say something but held back. I watched the tension melt away as soon as it came.

"Thanks, it's good to be back." his tone bothered me. I couldn't make sense of it. He sounded indifferent but I felt like he bubbled some hidden feeling under the surface.

I tried to smile as genuinely as I could just so Jay can get the hint. He did, waving to me as he jogged the other way. I blew out the breath I was holding and turned to Barry, who was looking really unreadable.

"Hey, wanna go eat? Barry?" I waved in front of his face.

He came out of the trance he was in and looked like he was socked in the face. He didn't think, did he?

Oh god. I gotta fix this fast. "Look, I...I'm sorry about Jay, he uh, he was my partner for yesterday." I paused, watching his face contort, making me wince. "I was worried about you."

I can't believe I was freely saying this to him and he looked like he couldn't hear me. "What? Oh, um I'm fine, you don't need to worry."

Do I? He was coming off really weird. "You sure? Did I say something to make you...I mean, I don't know. I know that night you came over, never mind."

I started to think what I said didn't matter as I sighed silently slowly leaving Barry alone in the empty hallway. I didn't want to do it but I was getting scared again, scared I may reveal more and for it to not matter worth a damn. I'm just afraid that my feelings aren't valid.

I'm sure I have feelings for Barry but I'm just not sure if I should confess them yet. He looked way too stoic to take me seriously. I should just ignore it and focus on the project.

I didn't know where I was going I just know that I needed to get away from all this weirdness. There was absolutely nothing going on with me and Jay. Did Barry think I replaced him?

"Caitlin, wait!" Barry called behind me and I stopped instantly turning around as he stared at me, the same unreadable expression over his face except it looked amplified. I just want to die. Why does he look so sad? "You uh, you dropped this."

It was the folded note between Jay and I from English. Oh god. He read it. Shit shit shit!

I took it and immediately shook my head. "Barry it's not what it looks like."

He nodded sadly, his face dipping down as he grimaced. "I'll see you around."

I crumbled the paper in my hand letting it fall to the ground and stepped forward but Barry backed away. He gave a thin-lipped smile and put more distance between us before I could register it was happening. Soon he was running, too fast for me to keep up with. I didn't realize how much I just wanted to cry non-stop until now.


	14. Chapter 14

** **

**Barry**

I feel like I should have found out more. I managed to sit through Science today, just aimlessly completing work while I could feel Caitlin's eyes on me. I shook my head as my jaw clenched. Not Jay, not today, not when I was about to confess something really important.

To know it was probably in my head made it even worse. I feel like I should just keep my feelings away and focus on doing this project, and then I could forget all about everything's that's happened. That's easier said than done.

Today in class we were supposed to sit near each other but I got the feeling that Caitlin was too scared to approach me. I didn't want to give up so quickly. For god's sake why do I feel like during the slightest mishap it's all over? Why do I feel like it is? Ugh, Thursday just needs to die already; I'm done with drama today, just finished with it.

Seeing Jay Garrick of all people try and claim Caitlin was just the worst part of this whole thing. That note explained everything I needed to know. Caitlin was going to hide the truth; I didn't want to be there for the excuses. I probably sound like a jerk but to be fair, this isn't the first time I've been screwed over. I've had people who called themselves friends screw me over without a thought, I'm catching this one before it gets to me and it's starting to.

I hate this, I hate him. I can't...hate her. I just can't, this is too fresh. I need some space from Caitlin. I'm not ready to talk to her. I need to be alone today. I don't even wanna talk to my friends, not that they ever really talk to me. Sometimes I'm worried all I am is my reputation at this school. Maybe people like Caitlin were kissing up because they "want in" or something like that. I dreaded that reality if it were true.

Ugh, whatever, I'm bored of this. I left Science without another word, vaguely remembering the homework due tomorrow. I think I wrote it down. Why do we have homework if we have projects to do? Why does school always start so early? Why do teachers get meaner as they age? Why do younger teachers think they can bully you and get away with it? So many questions, valid ones, and I never have the answers.

I charged toward my car about to leave this prison when I heard my name being called out. Christ.

"Dude, what the hell? What did you do?" Cisco's demeanor was off, he obviously knew, but I wasn't gonna talk.

"What? I did nothing." I scoffed, unlocking the doors about to get in.

Cisco held the door before I could shut it. "Oh you know what you mean. Stop screwing around. Why is Caitlin upset? If you hurt her I'll—"

My body shook but I had to think of me right now. There is just too much drama right now and all I wanted to was take a break from it. I rolled my eyes and turned my back away.

Bailing out is the only way I can calm down. I can't deal with this. Caitlin was never mine; I should have known it all along. Cisco is acting like this is my fault.

"Look man, you weren't there, you didn't see what I saw."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Cisco mocked my tone. "Seriously what? She wouldn't tell me, say it."

I looked behind me to see if anyone was watching us, a piece of me was worried that Caitlin was around, hearing us. I don't know, I had a strong feeling and I didn't want to get caught.

"I'm not saying she would but, I saw her with— _him_."

Cisco glared at me like I was switching medications. "Say what? Who's him? There's no one I know about. I'm the only him in her life. Far as I know; then there's you, but let's not get into that one."

I rolled my eyes half about to leave this conversation. "Look I know what I saw and read. It's just, the timing really freaking sucks. I thought I saw my window. I wanted to be honest and just tell her."

"Uh you're gonna have to start from the beginning OK? Because I'm effing lost. First, who is the _he_ that you speak of?"

I hope I'm not gonna regret this. "Freaking Jay. OK, whatever, it's not a big deal."

"Jay? Who's that? Ohh, shit. You mean Jason on the track team? Freaking jock extraordinaire, his dad pulled strings and got him on the team even though he was—still is—a shitty offense? That Jay?" Cisco said matter-of-factly.

"That's putting it harshly." Cisco stared me down. "What? I don't wanna compete with anyone; worst of all him. And please, everybody loves him, just like Tony and Hartley. Those guys will always be better than me in everything. They always get what they want; they can get anyone they want, now they have someone I want. I—" Cisco eyeballed me as I composed myself. "It doesn't matter, I saw it."

"Saw what?" Cisco asked me pointedly.

"The freaking note. They, Caitlin and Jay were writing to each other in class."

"Note? That's not like Caitlin. She's texter, she doesn't send notes to anyone. I mean, did you ask her about it or...?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Or, look I know I was reading into it a little, but it looked obvious where I stood who she wanted. It's pretty clear; I just didn't want to face the rejection. Can't stand it."

Cisco sighed and scoffed simultaneously. "How do you know that? You just told me you're reading into it. What if that's true? Caitlin wouldn't do this; she wouldn't hurt people in the open. She isn't mean spirited. Seriously though, did you find out about it?"

"Obviously not. I couldn't. I didn't want to ask her when I sensed the answer. I can't face it. It just makes me feel like the new kid all over again, starting from scratch."

"She knows I talk to you dude, and you know what, she never asked me why. I think she likes you back; in fact it's worth it to find out if she does. To be honest Jay is not even her type. That'd be like Linda Park daring her to go out with him."

Thinking about it for a moment I came to a conclusion. I'm going to find out if she really is involved with Jay in some way or another. Cisco was right, I don't believe Caitlin would try to hurt someone, I was falling for her before and I'm still falling for her.

"Choice is yours dude. Let me know what happens. She's really worth finding out."

I slightly smiled, finding it reach my eyes. "Yeah, I know."

Cisco nodded off to me as I got into my car and drove off on my way home. My mind was reeling on what I was going to say to Caitlin. I can't imagine how she must be feeling. I'm starting to get worried she may hate me; that would feel like the worst, even the idea of it makes me sick inside.

I couldn't shake the feeling, having Caitlin be upset because of me made me mentally and physically ill. I don't know if there is still time to fix this. I just hoped it's not too late. If I only I could go back in time, made sure I wasn't sick and stayed at home those days then she wouldn't have to put up with Jay Garrick.

I made it back home without even following the rules of the road. Somehow I didn't crash on the way here; my mind was way too focused on Caitlin. If only I could see her again. If only we were meeting today, not tomorrow. If only I could look into her eyes and deeply say how sorry I am for everything I caused her today.

I took out my phone, unsure of what my fingers were typing, I just went with it.

**Barry**   
_Caitlin, I am so sorry for everything that happened today._   
_Please forgive me._

I looked at it for a moment before pressing send. My phone began to vibrate before I could. It was a text message, from Caitlin. I saved the draft of what I just wrote and immediately opened her message.

**Caitlin**   
_Hey, I would like to discuss the project tomorrow after your practice._   
_Can you meet me at the hangout like last time?_

Taking a few seconds to process this, I couldn't believe it; she still wanted to meet me. Wow, we did say we were going to meet anyway I just didn't think after what happened she wanted to be near me. I don't even know what to expect now. Her text sounded so formal. No nonsense, no bull shit. No emoji. Just straight to the point. I swallowed roughly before thinking about what to write back.

The only thing I could say back without doing any more damage to the situation would be:

**Barry**   
_Yeah, I will._

I pressed send and deleted my other message. I would be looking at it all night wondering wither to send it or not if I didn't get rid of it.

No reply back, I wasn't expecting it. I hope she got it just as I sent it. Man, I really messed things up between us. If there is an us to salvage I want a sign right now to know it can be fixed. Maybe Caitlin deserved better than me, maybe I just need to move on, stop trying to assume shit will eventually happen when it clearly has no chance of being that way.

My chest hurt, my breathing is shallow; I don't like feeling this way. I didn't think it was possible to feel this strongly for another person. The bond we have unshakable. I cannot go on about my day without Caitlin Snow appearing in my mind. I still can't believe it's barely been a month since I just met her. Now, I don't know where we stand. But she's agreeing to see me, for the project, we're still partners, if only I knew if that was true outside of school.

My phone made a loud vibration, startling me. I got another message, from _Cait_.

**Caitlin**   
_See you there_


	15. Chapter 15

** **

**Caitlin**

I think it's clear to say Thursday was officially the worst day of my life. Screw this things are going to change; at least when it comes to Barry Allen. I didn't want to do this but I have to. In order to protect myself I need to be wearier of myself around him.

He's clever I give him that. He had me fooled so bad that he was anything but a Ronnie Raymond clone; Ronnie at least didn't hide it like Barry did. I am going to be really careful when I talk to him. I can do it; I've dealt with difficult people before, my father being at the top, my mom barely having a soul to speak of.

I am saying all of these things because I just want to be done with it. Get good grades and bury all these feelings where they belong. In fact reconsider this entire arrangement all together. I made a plan to alert Barry, I had to, we agreed to already meet for the assignment and I can't afford to back down when it came to my education. No way. It's not going to be as hard as it was before.

I can do this I can forget the parts that I know about Barry just like that; even the parts of him that I can't help but like.

I did just that when I sent him two very direct tweets yesterday to confirm our meeting today. No frills, nothing. I didn't want to bleed into the text how much I still wanted him to care. Guess it was meant to be this way. It was confirmed by his ever so short message back. I should have known. This plan needed to work or my entire world will slip away. And I don't wanna even think about what my dad is going to do to me if he finds out I failed Science class because of a boy.

The look in Barry's eyes as he slowly walked away still stung. What did he think I was? Jay isn't even the type of guy I crush on. He's not smart like Cisco, and he's not good looking, or even small portion of attractive like my ex Ronnie was. God do I hate that Ronnie is still so good looking after what he did to me last summer. Not even Cisco knew thank god for that. I wouldn't tell anyone either, my parents wouldn't listen to me anyway. Jay is nowhere near what I find appealing in a guy.

Halfway through the school day it was boring as hell. I took out my phone and looked at the last two texts that were exchanged between Barry and me. Why did I have to keep talking to him? I could say very little just like him and be done with it. No, I had to say something back. Even though I was sure Barry didn't feel the same as me, I thought, I hoped by some small miracle I was wrong. That yesterday never happened and this was one big nightmare that I'll wake up from.

At lunch I sat with Cisco and mindlessly ate even though I wasn't hungry. Cisco kept trying to engage but all I kept thinking about was Barry. My mind was stuck on him and there was nothing I could do about it. Not even when he casually sat with his group over at the jocks section of the cafeteria. I couldn't take this.

I stood from the table without another word and dropped my tray in the bin. There was no way I was going to sit here and eat as if everything was normal. My eyes were still red and swollen from crying yesterday I don't think I can stomach seeing Barry right now. I don't think I'm gonna be ready for the meeting.

Who said I had to meet him? I could still cancel. In fact, I could still switch with another person for the project. I checked the itinerary planner on my phone calendar and glared at the deadline. Shit, I missed my cue. I'm stuck with Barry Allen as my partner until the end. Well, he better not mess this up. I could feel myself crying as I went to the bathroom to prevent it from happening.

I washed my hands and opened the door slowly almost bumping into someone.

"Oh, Jay. Hi."

Jay smiled, all I kept thinking was the timing of this sucks.

"Are you OK?"

I nodded. "Why do you ask?"

"You didn't meet me yesterday. I get why, I'm sorry if I came off like a jerk, I didn't mean to. Are you sure you're OK?"

I am getting really freaking tired of folks asking me that. "Yeah, I am. It's not a big deal; it's nothing to do with you."

Jay nodded, backing away, putting his hands up. "I get you. Whatever's bothering you, it's no worries. If you want someone to listen, I'm here for that."

I almost smiled and blushed out of embarrassment. Jay did seem like a typical jock guy but I don't think he'd screw me over. He barely knew me. Then again, I have been fooled before.

"You were friends with Ronnie Raymond right?"

"Ronnie? Yeah that was junior varsity. We're in the same circle but we're hardly what I call "friends." He's just another guy on the team."

"Oh," I said, confused. That's funny I thought I saw him and Ronnie hangout before. "Fair enough."

Jay threw his head back and laughed. "Caitlin, I'm not like trying to scope you out. Ronnie and I aren't that close. I heard about what happened. That was a dick move. The rest of the school is just screwed up. I'm sorry you went through that."

I grumbled, wanting to change the subject but I suddenly felt like discussing what happened last summer. "It was a long time ago. I got over it."

"That's cool. Hey, umm, so after practice I'm not doing anything, I don't have any big plans. Do you wanna come hang out?"

Oh god was Jay doing a 360? Not trying to scope me out huh? Well that was smooth of you to say the least.

"I don't know, I actually have plans." Jay raised an eyebrow, "with Barry."

Jay nodded, "Oh so you two are like—?"

"No no, um no. He's like, remember the Science thing? The project? He's my partner. I have to meet him after school. Just for this and then..." I trailed off, hating that I couldn't finished my thought.

I need to get more confident in trying to deflect Barry Allen, it's just not working.

"All good. Hey, if you want to, totally up to you, we could hang out right after you guys are done." Jay commented, slightly smiling.

I'm trying to read into his smile. I can't believe I was actually considering this. It's not like me to go out with someone I barely know. It felt like one of those crack ships Cisco often yammered about with those weird teenager shows.

"I'll let you know." I said, concluding that topic. I hoped he was going to drop it. Saved by the bell. "I should go."

Jay moved so I could walk passed him. I felt him catch up to me and held my breath.

"Hey, umm, I don't have your number but you could reach me on Facebook if you want. Do you have that?"

I was trying my best not to look like I was running away but it looked like I was speed walking. "Yeah, umm, yeah."

"Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?"

I stopped walking and looked at him. "No, it's just, I have to get to class. Sorry, the timing kinda sucks."

Jay stepped closer to me, for some reason I didn't back away. I found myself looking in his eyes as he spoke.

"Well let me know when there's a better time. Send me a message on Facebook under "Jay Garrick." Your choice."

I smiled and caught myself doing it, blushing when I raised my hand to cover my cheek. "OK, see you later."

"See you around Caitlin."

I bit my lip, waving to Jay as he turned around disappearing around the corner. I didn't realize my chest was growing tight as I finally relaxed and came out of what just happened. Did I just accept Jay asking me out? I don't even want to answer that. Now that my thinking brain is slightly returning to normal I barreled through the last two periods like my life depended on it.

That was just the thing. It was impossible to think straight when Jay was in Science class and paired up with his partner and I with mine. I kept exchanging looks with him as Barry and I worked silently on our assignment. I could tell Barry was annoyed I wasn't %100 immersed in the work like I was before but I couldn't help it. Jay was over there returning my stares. Dare I say it's made me a bit curious.

I don't even remember if Barry and I saw each other or we said hi, my mind was too distracted. I took my phone out quickly and searched Jay's name on Facebook. My thumb danced over the add button when I found him. I bit my lip, thinking. What was I doing? I have no idea. I could feel Barry's eyes on me but half of me didn't care. Barry cleared his throat in that annoying way people do to purposely get attention; he did it again, louder this time.

I tried to keep my eyes on my work but it didn't take. Jay was looking at me the exact same moment and I froze in place.

"You know, he gets off on girls checking him out?" Barry quipped beside me. "Especially ones with staring problems."

I scoffed, pushing my attention back on my work in front of me. "Whatever. No idea what you're talking about."

"Just a warning."

I smirked incredulously. "Thanks, I appreciate that."

My sarcastic tone didn't faze him. Barry obviously wanted to scuffle, I'm not gonna give it to him.

"Oh no worries from me. Takes one to know one."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I finally took my eyes off my writing in front of me and stared daggers his way.

"You're not special just because he's got eyes for you. Besides, if you add him on Facebook you'll be another fangirl he'll just collect."

I rolled my eyes. Barry wasn't making any sense. What the hell was he talking about? He had some nerve.

"So says you, a guy who finally "woke up" and became self-aware. Don't flatter yourself."

"I'm not flattered. I take no pleasure in how Jay Garrick treats girls at this school. It's part of the reason why I never became friends with the guy."

I balled my fist in fury. Barry is treading a thin line here, he better be careful what he says next.

"Why are you mad at me?"

Just when I thought I was out of the woods he went and asked me that. My eyes went wide as I brushed my hair off my shoulder.

"I feel nothing when I'm around you." I said in the best dead serious tone I could muster.

"That's not answer. Why are you mad at me?"

I rushed my writing, barely looking at the terminology in front of me. My penmanship was the sloppiest it's ever been. I hate this. I just wish he would stop. I feel like I'm going to scream right now. Barry had no right to screw with me.

"Barry stop. We need to do this, OK? I don't want to talk about anything."

I looked at him from the corner of my eye, watching him sigh and begin writing on his own sheet.

"That's a shame, because I do." Barry said softly. I couldn't ignore how sincere he sounded.

He sounded hurt. His voice cracked as he spoke. Why am I noticing the little things in everything he does? Why was I letting it affect me?

"Yeah well, I don't, let's just work and forget talking." I grumbled; my eyes flickered to him for a split second.

"Alright, I'm done." I glared at him and he laughed as he lifted his sheet up. "Did you finish yours?"

I looked down on my page and realized I did a really shitty job of plugging in my usual knowledge of the subject. I can't be off centered now. Not by Jay or Barry. Forget guys I'm done, all I kept thinking about was I just don't want to go home right now. I don't want to be home right now. Knowing I have to get a perfect grade in this class, bring the best marks, represent my family in every way, I just feel like curling up in a ball.

"Yeah-yes, I did, just need to check it over before turning it in." I did a thorough check over and managed to still get everything right despite my fumbling attention.

"You know if you need more time—"

"Done!" I held it up cutting him off. I did not want him to sneak words in.

"Cool, let me, I'll go take it up with mine." Barry gestured.

I begrudgingly gave my paper to him as he stood up to go turn both of them in. I slumped back in the chair, hating how any minute I feel like shouting at him. It wasn't in my nature to lash at anyone without good reason to. I had that with Barry. He's a shady guy. I can't trust someone who doesn't trust me. There's no way I'm letting him get to know me anymore.

Barry came back before I could calm down. My skin shivered, I didn't want to be here right now. All I kept thinking about was my dad and how this meant everything to him. With school being the only reason he ever paid attention to me, if that crumbles, I'll be nothing. I am nothing. This is all I am.

"Caitlin? Hey...look, I'm not gonna try to get you to talk to me. Are we still on for the project?" Barry asked beside me.

I felt my eyes water and blinked the away before anything fell. I've gotten used to holding my emotions in, until yesterday, now I feel that slipping away. My walls were falling. Everything I built for myself is crashing down.

I covered my hands over my face; half ignoring him stare at me with those eyes of his.

Despite everything I said back: "Yeah, we are."

"If you're not up to it, we can cancel and do it another time. Cait...?" When Barry called me that I looked at him with glassy eyes. "Are you alright?"

He slowly touched his hand over mine, I wanted to push him away, tell him to shove off. In that moment I wanted to surrender. When I looked in his eyes I could see the compassion seeping out, taking me with him as I bowed my head down while hiding my true emotions. I was hoping he would get the hint and leave it be but he didn't let go, he held onto me.

"Do you wanna talk about it? Seriously, you don't need to push me away. I'm not going anywhere." The cadence in Barry's tone scared me. It was too real, too understanding.

"I never asked you to." I mumbled, my tears threatening to spill down. I was hanging on for dear life, wondering if I still had the strength I always thought I had.

"I know...you never had to." Barry said gently.

The last bell rang as Barry still clung to me, not moving an inch as I slowly lifted my face to see his. The expression in front of me was out of character. Cisco had given me that look before but never like this, never in the way Barry is giving me. He looked scared out of his mind; I'm still trying to process anyone besides Cisco felt this worried for me.

"I don't want..." I struggled to say, the skeptic in me was too strong. I was afraid to open that door. Be vulnerable. Let him see this side of me. The side I rarely let my best friend see. "I think I should be alone now. I'm sorry..." I trailed off pulling away from him as I reached for my bag.

"Maybe..." I found myself looking at him as he paused. "Maybe we could go somewhere?"

I bowed my head down; a lump appeared in my throat. "Barry...I don't think it's—"

Barry came forward, out of his seat and kneeled down in front of me, it was then I noticed we were completely alone in class, even the teacher had left.

"Caitlin, I'm not leaving you. We don't have to talk. We don't have to work. We don't have to do anything."

With every last ounce in me I gathered the strength to speak. "I'm not making you do this."

"Cait, come on, don't you see, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you right now."

Fast falling tears trickled down my face before I felt them. I stood up before any more emotions came out and rapidly walked away from the classroom with Barry on my heels. Literally, I could feel his energy all around me.

"Caitlin, I'm not like everyone else. I'm not out to hurt you."

I wiped my eyes, continuing to run to the bus stop but Barry didn't bother stopping, he was catching up to me until he was level with my stamina.

"Barry, go away."

"No, I can't risk that. Not now, not like this."

I ran until I have nothing left to run on, stopping at the empty bus area. There was no way Barry was going to leave me alone; I failed to compose myself. This was just one big disaster after another. He saw it, he saw everything.

"Cait, look at me."

I swallowed roughly, afraid of doing just that. I knew if I did, I'd fall, probably harder than I have been.

Barry took my shoulders as someone protecting me would. Care dripped through his fingers that touched my shoulders. I slowly lifted my head; Barry's green eyes gave a shadow my way, letting me know this was real.

"I'm sorry you saw me like this. I'm sorry I—"

"Caitlin...it's alright. It's me. You're shaking, here," he supported my body so I was standing instead of falling slightly. I didn't know I was falling until he started hugging me closer to him. "Lean on me. Trust me."

"I shouldn't be..."

"What?"

"Falling, I-I need to, ugh," I grabbed onto Barry, holding my grip on stronger this time. "Can we leave?"

Barry nodded, "Do you want me to?" he gestured with his hands open. "Can you make it?"

"I-I think so..." I started to fall when I used his body to lean on. "Great..."

Barry smiled at me gently. "Hold onto me. Don't let go, I won't."

I'm starting to lose consciousness as he said that, part of me didn't have a clue what was happening. I blanked out before I saw Barry's face above mine as he carried me the rest of the way.

I felt my body being carried to the parking lot and inside the passenger seat of Barry's car. He was delicate with me in his hold; the last thing I remember before closing my eyes completely was what he said. I vaguely listened as he spoke above a whisper. Not even sure I heard him correctly, it felt like a dream and it probably was as my body and mind drifted away.

"You're safe now. I wish you knew how I felt, how you make me feel in the short time I've known you. I wish I could tell you..."


	16. Chapter 16

** **

**Barry**

Caitlin dosed off right after my floundering confession. I knew she couldn't hear me but I couldn't take keeping it inside anymore. Seeing her in pain broke me, it forced me to take action. I know I needed to take her away from this place. She looked like she was about to faint, I didn't know from what and I wasn't going to force her to tell me either. What bothered me more than anything was I knew that yesterday possibly had something to do with it. I could see it in her eyes.

She hated me. I deserved that. I knew that was inevitable. I was a complete asshole yesterday and I'm afraid today I pushed her even further away from me than I thought. Sighing heavily I made my way to the one place I could think of that may calm Caitlin and even me down. She and I need to cool off. I didn't want more hysterics to come out of her.

I thought I heard moans next to me as I looked briefly to the side. Caitlin shifted in her position but didn't wake up. I turned onto the dirt road that I knew very well and followed the pathway to the area where I could firmly stop and park. This was familiar territory. I haven't been here in a long time. Nature had begun to surround us as I pulled the car into a small area where I know we could be alone and shut off the engine.

The sun had begun to set and my attention was pulled to the sinking helios lights in front of me. Caitlin will wake up and I don't want to be the one to startle her. I sent a quick text to my dad, letting him know where I am and that I'll be home soon and he responded back instantly letting me know he got it.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to relax.

So much had happened these past few weeks I just wish there was a way to slow it down. It's as if my life was put on a conveyor belt without the breaks functioning. I looked next to me and shook my head slightly. Caitlin didn't deserve what happened. If I could take it all back I would, reverse yesterday. Not jump to conclusions. I punished her for nothing and now, regardless of what she felt or told me, she needed me more than ever. I couldn't abandon her. Not when I'm feeling like this. Not when just yesterday I was so close to telling her everything. Not when I feel like this is even bigger than how I feel toward her.

I started to recline the seat back further and silently lay back letting my mind slow down with my movements. I couldn't help but turn over next to me and glance Caitlin's way. She really was the most beautiful person I ever seen. She had no clue the power she has over me. How one look, one gesture, one moment, I could be hers. And I didn't realize how much that scared me at the same time.

If I wanted to do things right with her I had to take this incredibly slow, for both our sake. Caitlin Snow could have me in her life right now; I'd be hers if I saw for one moment she really wanted to be.

I laid back looking at her; suddenly her movements were getting closer together. She moaned as she rubbed her eyes, trying to focus herself awake.

"What happened? Oh god." She raised her voice slightly. "What's going on?"

Her tone had so much worry inside; I took a second to react to her question. Reaching in the back I pulled out a water bottle, offering it to her if she needed it.

"Hey...so, I think you had a panic attack." I tried to say as calmly as I could while Caitlin unbuckled and began to compose herself.

She looked at the water then me and slowly swallowed. "A what?"

"You were about to faint, I didn't want to leave you at school so I brought you somewhere you could take it easy. Are you feeling alright?"

Caitlin hesitated before grabbing the water, unscrewing the top and taking a generous sip. She shared a look with me then stared straight forward.

"I think so. It felt like I was knocked out cold." She took another sip and leaned back, rubbing her face. "You really...you really carried me to your car?"

I blushed slightly, looking down, there was no way I was going to hide it under the sunset, both our faces were illuminating so brightly you could basically see everything under the fluorescence. "Yeah..."

Caitlin nodded, licking her lips about to ask something else. "You said something. Before I closed my eyes, was that true? What did you say?"

Now it's my turn to panic. _She heard_. Holy shit. I don't think I'm ready to explain what I said or even confirm that it's true. It was in the moment. I thought fast, "Just that you're safe and everything's going to be OK."

Caitlin looked at me for a second; her eyes were scanning me as if she didn't believe what I was saying. I hoped she had, I don't know why I'm so scared of how I feel. I guess I don't want to bring more stress into her life, especially if she doesn't feel the same way.

"Oh...I thought you said something else—never mind. Thanks. If anyone saw that—"

"Actually I'm pretty sure no one did. We were alone." I said, recalling the scene, everyone had left by the time we were outside.

"Oh, so no one bothered to help me. Figures."

I laughed and reclined my seat back even further. "Yeah you're right, I wasn't there. You were brought here by the road runner who happens to drive an SUV."

"Uhuh..." Caitlin's cheeks turned pink, it was an adorable color. "Certainly felt like I was brought here pretty fast. I barely remember it. Ronnie used to do things really fast."

I didn't say anything even though I wanted to know what happened. She clearly brought him up often. Maybe she still has feelings for him. I hope anything but that is true.

I cleared my throat, getting to the point because I was dying here. "Look, I know it's none of my business, if you like Jay then that's your—"

"What? Who said that?"

"I read the note, it was pretty obvious..."

Caitlin looked at me like I just told her cats have eight legs. "What? You read the note and you ran before I could say anything."

I sighed calmly, I deserve that. "OK...maybe I did that. But when I saw you and him together, I don't know. Jay is pretty good with winning people over. I thought maybe…ugh, whatever."

I caught her on the side looking at me amused, she slowly smiled. "Are you jealous?"

"Wha? No, oh my god, who said that? Seriously now, whatever. Not jealous no." I said avoiding the look she's giving me now.

"You avoid eye contact when you lie. It's funny. You did this before too. I just noticed the pattern now." She commented. I rolled my eyes and she mocked me.

Caitlin giggled and I joined her. She got more comfortable in the seat, setting the water down and stared in front of her.

"Wow, I didn't realize it was in the middle of setting."

I watched along with Caitlin as the last few seconds of the sun had its final performance. I found myself looking at her watching the sunset then the actual event.

There was silence until I cleared my throat, about to close the evening.

She beat me to it. "Are you sure you didn't say anything else before when I was asleep? I could have sworn there was more." She said, shocking me before I put thought in. I shook my head, not wanting to confront what I said. I smiled to show her I was sure of my answer.

She gave me the most confused look back

I found myself staring at her, wanting to brush back the soft hair that fell in her eyes so I can see them more clearly. So I can remember them. I turned my attention ahead, trying to pull myself together. She needed someone in control, not this, I can't fall apart now.

"Are you feeling OK now? Do you want something else?"

She took a few a seconds to answer, appearing distracted, like she was in deep thought. For a second I thought she was coming closer.

"No, it's ok. You know for what it's worth I'm not interested in Jay. He just kinda shows up wherever I go. I don't ask him to be, he's just there."

I wanted to change the subject fast. But I found myself saying instead, "Be careful. I don't trust him."

Caitlin nodded agreeing with me. "Yeah, there's something off about him. We only worked together that one time and now it feels like he's everywhere I turn. I never met him before we worked together either. I didn't think he even knew who I was."

"That's probably a good thing. Whatever Jay wants, he normally gets. He and I aren't friends because I don't like how he treats girls at school. They all deserve way better than him."

She looked surprised as I said that, more amused. "You speak as if from experience."

I shifted, this was making me uncomfortable. I didn't like feeling vulnerable but Caitlin was asking me, it's not the same as Ronnie asking. Not that he ever would. Caitlin and I were having a strangely intense conversation. How did this happen?

I gave the short version of what I think of him. It really wasn't a big deal. "He just gives guys like me a bad name. Everybody here thinks that all jocks are like Jay or they must be like him. But not me, I'm not like the typical jock. I won't screw around with girls just because I can. We were never friends because he thinks he's the shit. I know it's none of my business but it kind of hurt me to see you getting close to him..."

She shook her head. "But I didn't."

"You almost added him on Facebook, I saw it. He was looking at you, trying to get your attention before. I could see this coming from a mile away. Jay isn't the guy for you. He doesn't know how good he has it. You're just another girl he'll rave about then forget. And," I paused looking at her slowly, gulping as the rest of the words flowed out. "You're worth more than that."

Caitlin visibly took a shaky breath. I screwed it up. Now she's getting afraid of me. I looked over to watch her think about I just said.

"How do you know? I mean, what if I am just another girl? What makes me so special?"

"Everything." I blurted out. I pretended to crack my neck; my body was starting to shake. I had to stop this; she's going to reject me if she already hasn't.

Who am I kidding it's hopeless. Caitlin probably already likes Jay and there's nothing I can do about it now. I blew it.

If that is true then I have to say what I need to say before taking her home. "I'm sorry for yesterday."

"What?"

I gestured. The nervous part of me winning over the nonchalant guy I perfected since I came to this school. Caitlin is making me slip, I _can't_ , I have to hold my shit together. Just say it and get it over with. Not come apart along with it.

"I didn't give you a chance to explain, about the note. I just walked away. I'm sorry." I said, finally glancing her way. I had to force myself to look her way so it can seem genuine. I'm sure my face looked the opposite of composed. This is my truth. I couldn't lie, not to her.

"Oh..." She trailed off. I took that as my cue and turned on the engine. "Barry, you know I'm not—you know I don't like Jay, right?"

My throat was feeling tight; I refused to address this anymore. It was just making me feel weaker.

I looked behind me before I got ready to pull out of the area. "Yeah, it's cool no big deal."

Caitlin laughed slightly. She wanted me to look at her and I was doing anything but that. "Barry?"

The speedometer caught my attention, what really pulled me away was Caitlin touching my shoulder. She touched it gently yet I felt her fingers through my jacket. "I should get you home now."

She removed her hand, glancing at me like she was trying to read me. I didn't like it, I felt exposed, raw, too natural to be real. If she was going to hurt me then I don't want to be near it. I still felt a need to protect her; I can't let her be with Jay. I know she said she didn't like him but things can change.

Sounds were coming from Caitlin that were piercing but subtle, I finally looked to her side and watched as she held her face in her hand, leaning against the window. I peeked to get a better view of what was really going on. What I saw, affected me.

Caitlin was trying to control it but she was having no luck. I watched as a few tears fell off her cheek and came closer to her, trying not to scare her, being as amiable as I could.

"Cait? Caitlin, hey, are you alright?" I whispered, lightly touching her arm, trying to move it so I can see her.

"I can't-can't go home." She cried, making me pull away.

I blinked back, unsure of what was going on here. I reached in the back and pulled out the tissue box and offered it to her silently.

She blinked a couple times in a row before taking the box and some tissues, wiping her eyes with them. After a few seconds I was wondering what she was going to say next. She was being deathly quiet.

"Barry, can you take me anywhere but home, please?" She asked as she searched my eyes.

I watched hers glass over once more and swallowed harshly before giving her a response.

I felt her take my hand as I let it sink in. I said I wasn't going to leave her and I always keep my promises.

"Yes, of course." I replied as I pulled out of there, hoping nobody was home at my house when I got there.


	17. Chapter 17

** **

**Caitlin**

I didn't know Barry could be so vulnerable until I spoke to him about Jay. Clearly he didn't like him and he probably had a good reason to. I was thinking of the both of them on the way to Barry's. I looked over observing Barry as he contacted his dad to make sure if he was home or not. His mom was inconclusive too. I preferred it that way. It should be the both of us. For now, he's the only person I trust.

I might as well follow suit, so I sent Cisco a text, telling him everything is OK and he sent one saying "I don't believe you." Well, for now Cisco you have to accept that. I'm with Barry; I don't think he's going to hurt me. I'm starting to believe he's the only person that could make everything better. At this moment, maybe I just need to take it easy. I never fainted like that before; I'm still feeling uncertain if I was awake or still asleep. Don't think my body was used to something that strenuous. I was starting to think it went beyond a panic attack and full on seizure or worse, a heart attack. But I'm so young! It doesn't make sense. It certainly felt that way to me; I don't know what it was, if Barry hadn't been there...

I looked at Barry driving the rest of the way to his place. I really did want to be alone right now but strangely I wanted him next to me. I feel like he could almost understand what I go through at home. I guess feeling the pressures he felt when he was the new kid might mean he could understand. Barry seemed like more than the guy he portrayed at school. I'm beginning to see it and it's starting to terrify me. I didn't think I would ever see it again, not since Ronnie, but in him. Just him, and honestly, I never thought of the jocks this much. I had so many preconceived notions about that—most were true—that I didn't bother letting them for a second in my lexicon of thought.

But it was different now, I mean, regardless of what he thought of Jay, yeah I don't know him and Barry may be in some kind of alpha male mental competition with him that I could care less about, but I'm starting to see the jocks in a new way; or maybe just one of them. It's making me a little confused on how to feel. Right now, I don't want to feel anything.

When the car pulled up to the empty driveway I hadn't realized I was sitting in silence for a few minutes until Barry cleared his throat beside me. Is it funny that my skin shivered when he did that? Absentmindedly I tried to pay attention, coming down from all the swirling of thoughts running in my head was going to take come adjusting to. I did my best to give Barry my attention, I feel like I owed him that after what he did for me before.

"So my parents won't be home until really late, like midnight, figures. My dad did say he was going to try to come back at a normal time. So..." he turned to me, smiling positively, "Good news I guess for us, we'll be alone. I think you'd want it that way, yeah?"

The corners of my mouth rose as my body slowly stood up straight while I tried to find the words for what I wanted to say next. I find myself almost stumped near Barry, normally I seem to have things figured out but now that I'm stuck in my own vulnerable mode that it's nearly impossible to get out alive. I _did_ need him, probably more than I let myself admit.

"Do you have any..." this was lame but I was still curious, I don't think I ever asked him this before. "Brothers or sisters? Are you an only—"

"Child?" He finished, I nodded. "No, no siblings. Only child. Had a lot of cousins though. Most of them are still back home. I'm the only one who actually moved and everyone stayed back." He gripped the wheel, thinking of something and then shook his head, holding a tense expression over his face. "I don't know...sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I never left. I had everything back home. I'm not talking about just little things like a computer or phone, stuff that can be replaced. I had my whole world there like my friends, teachers, I had it so made. It's funny, in spite of it, I think I adapted pretty well here. I did OK, and I guess now…I hadn't thought of that life at all."

I started to get the feeling I was going to open something that maybe wasn't my business to start. Screw me if I was feeling damn curious. This is the most Barry had ever talked about himself; I only wanted to keep listening and watch him as he talked about his childhood. I wanted to learn about him. I was beyond inquisitive at this point. I wanted to know Barry Allen and I didn't care what it was...

"Oh." I pouted and he gave me a look.

"What?" He asked, amused.

"I'm sorry if I brought up something sensitive." I still relented, I wanted to make sure if it was OK to get to know each other on this level.

Barry waved his hand in my direction, signaling that it was nothing. "It's not, well it is, but I'm not emotional over it. Like I said, my life is great here. I don't think I could ever go back to what I had in the South. My life is here, where it should be. Even in this car, right now," he turned to me, "with you."

I blushed; I didn't realize how red my cheeks were until I side glanced on the rear view mirror and hid my face.

"Sorry, that came out wrong..." I smiled as he said that almost laughing. He sounded so embarrassed, like he gave the wrong answer to a test question he should have known. "Didn't mean it that way."

I bit my lip, and thought for a moment, was Barry flirting with me? I don't think I've ever been flirted with like this. I glanced his way and even he had to hide his face, he rubbed his eyes and fixed the collar on his jacket. I rolled my eyes, typical guy move; he thought I didn't see it. Man, guys are terrible liars. Thank god Cisco taught me a thing or two about reading them. But maybe I'm just reading into things, he probably felt awkward muttering the wrong statement.

"Should we...go inside?"

"Oh yeah," he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, let's go."

We walked out of the car and made our way to the front door. I was getting a little nervous the closer I was around him. Maybe just being near him brought out the butterflies I didn't know I had. Strange, I thought that part of me was long since over.

I hesitated before walking in; the first time I came here I was scared out of my wits, now I was feeling a rush I hadn't felt in a long time. It gave confidence to my bones, I feel like anything can happen, I'm not really sure what that means; I just know Barry's reassuring smile was doing something to me.

He offered me something to eat and I shook my head. He wanted to make sure I didn't skip anything so he said he'd ask me again in an hour. I know part of me had my appetite buried away since there was so much on my mind. I accepted a soda though, mainly so he wouldn't get too suspicious.

We took our drinks and walked around the living room. Barry sat down as I was aimlessly looking around; noticing most of the pictures that hung near the mantle on the fireplace were from another place, perhaps where Barry grew up. I had noticed Barry was willing to talk about his hometown but I wasn't going to pull it out of him out of respect.

He watched me staring and gestured.

"Yeah, my parents have a thing about hanging lots of old pictures from where I was born. It's not really surprising, everyone does it."

I smiled slightly, glancing at him while pointing to a particular picture frame with Barry decked out in Buddy Holly-like glasses, hair combed neatly to the side, secure smile on his face as he held up a laminated prize. He looked straight out of the '50s but modern, in Barry-like style.

"How old were you there?"

"There? I think 14, yeah, that was the time I won first prize in this song writing contest my school had. I was so nervous; I still can't believe I won." Barry recalled, looking relieved as if the memory just happened yesterday.

Watching Barry smile sadly at the picture I realized in that moment how homesick he really was. Maybe he wanted to go back but he couldn't admit it to himself. The thought of not being near him gnawed at me. It was clear he missed living there, he talked so genuinely about it, and I was starting to think he was putting on a brave face to keep his parents happy.

I just listened to him until he looked at me for a moment, hiding his glance and rubbing the back of his neck. Was he blushing?

"Do you wanna watch some TV? I could order a pizza?" Barry asked me, shrugging. "Hungry?"

My stomach not so subtly spoke for me; by the look on his face I think he heard it too.

"Sure..." I said, blushing as I bit my lip.

Barry went to place the order and asked me what I wanted. I didn't have a preference I just said whatever he wanted is fine. I had a sneaky feeling Barry was trying to avoid talking too personally about his past, I wasn't going to press it but it was like we didn't have the discussion we just had because now, with the casual mood, Barry started pushing small talk.

That bothered me. I didn't want to provoke old memories but I was getting bored with this kind of chatter. I get the feeling he does this when he's nervous. Maybe there was some way to rid him of some of that.

We slowly sat on the couch, getting comfortable. I felt weird, usually I folded my legs up when I'm at home, and here I had to seat like a royal. Barry watched me as I smiled looking around, anywhere but on him. I was getting this shivering feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"You don't have to wear them you know?" Barry asked, slightly startling me.

My eyes went wide. "What is that?"

"Your shoes, it's fine if you wanna take them off, we can relax."

I hesitated even though the way he said it put me at ease. Whenever a male voice talked to me it was usually in a stern, borderline aggressive way like my dad, then there's Cisco's dry, sarcastic, randomly serious tone that annoyed me sometimes. Barry spoke to me like I wanted, with respect. He wasn't forcing me to take off my shoes; he just suggested I do to get more comfortable. I slipped off my flats and tucked my feet under my legs on the side. I felt Barry's eyes on me the entire time and blushed under his stare. I have to keep that under control.

He smiled and reached for the remote, getting ready to switch on some TV but I almost wanted to say no.

Barry's eyes followed my slouched frame, placing the remote control down and leaned against the couch, looking at me with a slight tilt of his head.

"You OK?"

I nodded but then shook my head, ashamed I was admitting the unfiltered truth with just one gesture. This is it; I'm not even this way with Cisco who I trust more than anything. I could feel goose bumps spread over the skin of my elbows; it was suddenly getting harder to breathe. Two words, just two words could make me come undone. I've been good at masking what was really wrong. Barry was like my mother, reminding me I had a second to confess what was really going on, but then going against it as I'm looking at his face full of innocence, reminding me how much I didn't want to burden the person in front of me with all my internal problems. Besides, even though I did have a small feeling Barry may not be as nonchalant as my mother, I was in between really giving him an actual answer.

"There was a reason why I didn't want to go home today..."

Barry glanced at me, waiting for me to continue; when he gestured I braced myself for what came next.

"It's hard for me to, actually, this is complicated to explain..."

Barry's hands softly covered mine. "We don't have to talk if you don't feel comfortable. We can just sit here. I mean it Cait."

The corner of my mouth lifted as he called me that. I didn't think anything of it the first time he called me that but now I'm paying attention to everything he said and especially, the way he said it. He seemed to genuinely want to be my friend, something I know I haven't had since Cisco.

Instinctively I took my hand and placed it over his, my eyes trailing up to meet his, my breath increased by the seconds as I noticed we were much closer together.

"It's my dad, he, this morning he came in my room and—the look in his eyes just, I was scared. Probably the worst kind of scared. He—" I paused, Barry was waiting for me to continue, not interrupting me as took in a deep breath, trying to say what I mean. "I always feel like, somehow what I do; _anything_ I do in life is just never going to be good enough. I feel like a huge failure, always, living where I live, my dad, my mom just watches it, doesn't—neither of them try to really listen to me. I'm probably saying nonsense now...I don't know if you get what I'm saying."

I blew out the air I was holding in, my eyes weren't locked on Barry but I could feel his begin to move freely around my face until they stopped on my eyes.

His features softened as he held my glaze, I thought for a second we were drawing even closer than we already were.

"I do, more than you know I do." I looked at him surprised, I felt him squeeze my hand gently.

"I am so sorry about your dad. I could understand how hard that must be for you to live with."

I found myself looking at his lips in particular as he spoke, they were mesmerizing. The way they curved each word, never once stammering and unwavering from meaning exactly what he meant to say.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, noticing he really was moving closer to me, I wasn't imagining things.

"Yeah, it's just hard; it feels like there's nothing I can do to make it right. Why can't people just accept each other? Or maybe…why can't they accept me?"

I looked down, my eyes crestfallen, Barry was staring at me pretty strongly; it was getting so intense that my skin was heating up as I shivered at the same time.

"Cait...?" Barry whispered as I shot my eyes up instantly at the sound of his voice.

When he whispered my name I felt myself leaning closer, we were at a familiar scene again. Strangely, I wasn't so afraid, not of him, not right now, I closed my eyes as I felt Barry whispering against the skin under my ear. He moved my hair to the side, touching his fingers through my strands. I was completely trusting him, with more just what he was about to do; I was trusting him with my heart.

"Me...I get you," he said, feeling each word fan warm air over me, "open your eyes."

I swallowed subtly, trying not to appear nervous but I was shaking internally as well as visibly. I opened my eyes, fluttering my lashes only to be mere inches to Barry's face, his mouth. I kept looking at his mouth, wondering what it feels like...the feeling was killing me. I had to know!

Barry cupped my cheek, locking his eyes with mine; nothing else was alive but this moment, not right now, not ever.

The doorbell chimed loudly. Curses! I shook my head as Barry pulled away like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. I looked between him and the door and swung my legs to get up. Barry put his hand up, shooting up from the couch before I could stand completely. He avoided my eyes, shook his head and mumbled something about being right back.

Watching Barry walking away from what almost just happened again was hard. I thought it was something I did, I feel like if it wasn't meant to happen then it probably wasn't. But somehow that didn't sit right with me.

I refused to believe that. Barry paid for the pizza and closed the door. He hesitated before walking to the living room and placed the box on the coffee table. The aroma smelled really good but the tension in the room was so thick.

Neither of us was anything and it was worse than anything. Barry reached to grab the remote, he looked uncertain of his next actions. He wasn't looking at me, it seemed like he was mad at me, I wish I knew why

"I should go." I blurted out, covering my face with my palms. "I'm sorry, I messed things up."

"What?" I heard him say, I couldn't see his face but he sounded confused. "Why would you think that?"

I released my hands but had a hard time seeing. I know it was something I did, regardless, Barry isn't bringing it up, so he wanted to just forget about it. I can't do this. I can't get hurt again, I won't let it happen.


	18. Chapter 18

** **

 

**Barry**

Neither of us were saying a word and it was getting worse by the second. I panicked as I reached for the remote, looking uncertain of my next actions. I couldn't look at Caitlin, it hurt me more than anything; I found it hard to face her. I kept thinking this was a sign. Maybe a sign that this...that _us_ , I'm not so sure about it. My doubts were beginning to manifest themselves until I watched her closely, she looked unpredictable and anxious.

"I should go." She blurted out, covering her face with her palms. "I'm sorry, I messed things up."

"What?" I said, confused. "Why would you think that?"

I watched her letting her emotions get the better of her. She took her hands off her face, staring forward. I had no idea if she really was going to leave or...I don't know.

"Caitlin? Please look at me." I practically begged. She was scaring me. "You don't have to leave."

She struggled to look at me; it's as if she was just as unsure as I was how to feel. I wish I knew what her thoughts were. When she moved to get up I put my hand over hers, trying to get her to face me but it was still a challenge for her to look my way.

"You didn't mess anything up OK? I don't want you to leave, please, Cait, don't leave. Stay here, stay with me..." I whispered the last words feeling scared as they fell from my lips.

I wasn't going to ignore what just happened but there was no way I was going to let her go, not right now.

"Barry..." She said with little emotion, her voice cracking making me bite my lip in concern.

"What is it?" I searched her eyes but came up with more confusion.

She leaned back in the couch, almost sinking through the cushions and closing her eyes. She shook her head, bringing her hands to her face and feeling her cheeks which looked flushed.

"I feel like I'm about to lose it completely and I won't know how to come back from it. My life is complicated...just my whole existence feels like..." she covered her face as I looked on; she stared directly at me, "what happened today had nothing to do with you. Jay is—I'm not interested in him, if you're thinking I am—I'm not. He just acted interested in me all of a sudden. I reacted. I would have reacted to anyone, he doesn't really know what's going on, and he thinks I like him."

I nodded slowly, we were getting somewhere. Even in the scattered wording, she was at least letting me know what was really going on.

"I understand. What I meant, earlier in class, I was worried, I didn't think you were but when I saw you guys talking, then in class, you were looking at him, I didn't know what to think. He wouldn't treat you right, Cait, I meant what I said. I didn't want to see you get hurt. You deserve better than that."

Caitlin sat up, turning her body to me, facing me fully. Her hair covered her eyes but I could still see the shine glimmering from their radiance.

"This is gonna sound strange but I have a feeling you know me better than I know me." She held my eyes, "Is it?"

I smiled, looking down as I caught her stare with mine. "No, it's not strange at all. I feel the same way. When I look at you I don't feel homesick anymore. I feel like I'm...home."

She smiled, almost uncertain if she believes me. "Really? It's just...you looked so happy where you were. Your face, everything about you seemed so alive."

"I never felt more alive than I do right now." I confessed, my voice shaking but I was glad to get that out.

My feelings were finally coming to surface and I welcomed them. Even though it was a risk, she was worth it. The look she gave me right now made me think of those times where I could never see myself happy again. It's finally changing, I believe again, she's making believe.

I saw Caitlin's eyes glass over and I came closer to her, because she allowed me to. She moved with me and found my rhythm. Everything was set in slow motion, our breathing raced together, keeping up with each other. I could feel and hear her heartbeat thumping against her chest. I was following her lead, her face came near mine, leaning her forehead gently over mine as if it was made to be there.

I tested the waters by pressing my lips to her forehead, down slowly to her right temple, feeling her face grow tense but relax as I took her hand in mind, holding her in case she broke easily. I never wanted to protect someone more in that moment. I felt I owed her everyone I am and all I can give right now. Our breathing increased as my movements suddenly ignited hers, she squeezed my hand back as her face came near mine, brushing her cheekbone over mine, finding her breath and taking her time.

"I do too, Barry, I do too..." she whispered against my lips, I could feel the heat and promise behind those words. "I just want to feel safe."

I wanted to close the spaces between us but it was killing me to hold back, waiting for her to move with her desire. I wanted this, god I wanted this so badly. My life was in her hands, this was the moment I was waiting for since we were paired as partners, the moment I saw her be so apprehensive near me. All those times I fought it was becoming a blur. This was our moment and I only wanted her to know one thing.

"Caitlin, you're safe, you're safe with me." I said gently, wanting to continue but my entire world melted as she pressed her soft lips over mine.


	19. Chapter 19

 

**Caitlin**

I sat up, turning my body to Barry, facing him fully; even though my hair covered my eyes.

"This is gonna sound strange but I have a feeling you know me better than I do." I paused, unsure of my words as my eyes held onto his. "Is it?"

Barry smiled, looking down as I watched as he caught my stare. "No, it's not strange at all. I feel the same way. When I look at you I don't feel homesick anymore. I feel like I'm...home."

I smiled, not believing what I was hearing; he couldn't have meant me, right? "Really? It's just...you looked so happy where you were. You seemed like you wanted to go back. Your face, everything about you seemed so alive."

"I never felt more alive than I do right now." Barry admitted, his voice shaking. I almost couldn't believe this was happening right now.

I buried these feelings a while ago, not sure if I deserve to feel them again. Ronnie was the furthest thought, now it's all about Barry. Maybe this was different, I guess, for once I feel like I did deserve them after all.

A thousand thoughts were swirling around my mind but I only wanted to grab one and not let this moment slip me by. I looked into Barry's eyes and saw something I hadn't seen in Ronnie, even in our happiest moments together. I'm starting to think this was a risk, but that's what they say about life. Is the risk worth it? I gave him a look, my eyes couldn't help but glisten over as I watched him react, knowing the risk was making me believe again.

My eyes glassed over as Barry came closer to me, I was allowing him to. I moved with him and finding my rhythm. Everything was set in slow motion, our breathing raced together, keeping up with each other. I could feel and make out his heartbeats that were trying to keep up with my own. He was following my lead, as I came closer to his face, leaning my forehead gently over his, feeling that maybe, possibly, it was made to be there.

Barry moved first, he could sense I was petrified and tested the waters by pressing his lips to my forehead, down slowly to my right temple, feeling my face grow tense but relax as he took my hand in his, holding it in case he was afraid I'd leave suddenly. I could feel a sense of pure protection over the moment. I don't know…I just felt like he was giving me a part of himself that no one else gets to see.

Our breathing increased as Barry's movements suddenly ignited mine, I squeezed his hand back as my face came near his, brushing my cheekbone with his, finding my breath and taking my time.

"I do too, Barry, I do too..." I couldn't help but whisper against his lips; I could feel the promise behind those words. "I just want to feel safe."

He wanted to close the space between us and it was killing him to hold back, waiting for me to see what I'd do. I don't know about him, but I wanted this, god I wanted this so badly. Nothing else really made sense until right now, here, with him. I was waiting for this moment, somewhere in the middle of our journey, perhaps it was the moment I came to talk him. Somewhere, somehow, in the back of my mind I was steadily growing feelings for him. I tried to fight it but the temptation only gotten stronger the more I did. I wanted to embrace this feeling now.

Barry slightly smiled, feeling the moment, taking a deep breath as I hung onto his words.

"Caitlin, you're safe, you're safe with me," he said gently, my entire world melted as I pressed my lips over his.

I just couldn't handle not knowing, not feeling this moment further. Boy did I take it much further than I planned. Barry didn't seem to mind at all. Soft moans and purring was heard as I took them all as we passionately kissed each other.

I had no idea he and I would melt so perfectly. You hear of these things, and read about them in stories, but you never think it would or could happen to you. Barry is answering all of my dreams. Everything I thought was impossible, he made a reality. I cupped his face when his hand came to my cheek, I didn't realize my breathing was trying to keep up with our stamina. We were in the moment so deeply we both had to catch our breath.

I found myself leaning against his forehead again; he came in for another soft kiss. Before I could draw in another breath the back of his hand gently brushed my cheekbone, I could feel he wanted to take this further, of course, but I didn't know if I was going there, god I think way too much. All this thinking and I—wait—what was that?

I pulled back with wide eyes, looking at Barry.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I-I—" I stammered but found my voice, "I think I heard something."

Barry narrowed his eyes, looking around the living room and peeked his head out to the door that led to the double garage.

"I swear I didn't hear anything, are you sure you heard it?" Barry asked me as if he didn't believe me. He stood up abruptly.

"Shit," he swore, closing his eyes. "I hear it opening." He looked from the garage to me, as I held a perplexed expression on my face. "It's my mom."

That word alone jolted me right up along with him. "Oh, OK, umm, what do we do?"

Barry rubbed the back of his head, smiling as he kissed me quickly, "Wait here, wait, no, OK, go up to my room. You can bring this too," he gestured to the uneaten pizza on the coffee table, "with you. I'll meet you up."

He paused a second and came in for another kiss, slowly pulling away as I watched him run directly to the garage area. I thought fast and brought up the box upstairs. Wait—which room was it? OK Barry forgot to tell me. This was a fun game, surely. I rolled my eyes and snuck out peering into the room on my right, it definitely looked like a jock's pad but it had some other style that didn't quite fit. I came inside quickly and shut the door behind as I placed the box on what looked like a stationary desk.

Everything looked plain and navy blue. It was the typical color I'd expect him to infatuate with, even down to the sheets and pillow. His room walls were covered in quotes what looked like meme but actually up close they were strippings of an older collectable set. I smiled slightly tracing the bottom of one of the frames that hung near Barry's bed. It was a longer quote, probably from someone he admired. I made the assumption that he may have looked at this particular quote often. I could see why.

"Hey! Sorry about that." Barry came in as I jumped, trying to mask my reaction.

He looked at me for a moment, I don't know if he thought I was snooping or trying to find dirt on him. I guess I let that go a while ago. Maybe things have changed, are they changing? It feels that way…

"Yeah, so, if it's not obvious, I like blue." Barry said, breaking the ice.

"You _don't_ say?" My sarcastic reply came.

Barry rolled his eyes at me playfully. "So...yeah, so my mom just came back because she wants to know if I was with a girl."

I gulped; the pink was hitting my cheeks before I could control it. "Oh? What'd you tell her?"

Barry shrugged and casually leaned against his desk, crossing his arms as his eyes scaled to meet mine slowly. "I told her, indeed, I am, no need to lie, right? Not like we're doing anything wrong here."

I found myself laughing as I pushed against his chest only to have his mouth get dangerously close to my mine. He was teasing me and part of me liked it, he was speaking against my lips, feeling his breath fan over me. He wanted to kiss me again, I could tell, truth is I wanted to also.

"I didn't plan this...Barry."

"I know. Maybe we want this though. Do you want this? Do want more?"

Oh, that question...the fact that he was asking me that made me feel torn between answers. It should be so easy right? He's inches from me, waiting for me to tell him how I'm feeling. As much as I wanted to do this, something in the pit of my stomach made me shy away slightly. I pulled away slowly; biting my lip, as I painfully looked at him while he gave me a concerned expression. Did I really want this?

"I-I don't know...I don't know Barry."

Barry gulped, he was hurt, I don't blame him. He probably thought I was wasting his time or something. Maybe all this is just too intense for me to handle.

Everything just seemed so awkward, Barry was acting strange, I didn't think things would turn this way. I also didn't think I'd feel this strongly for someone I'd gotten to know.

"Maybe we should just get to work on the project, yeah, that's probably good for both of us. My mom's here anyway..."

I was crushed he didn't want to at least talk about it. Maybe he lost a bet with someone, god I hope it wasn't Ronnie. My brows remained tense and rigid, I didn't like this atmosphere. I feel like I needed some air, maybe some space between us. I had to get rid of these scenarios.

I stood up, hesitating as I did so, unsure of what the hell I was doing or what he was going to say to me next but I did it anyway. I walked to the door and placed my hand on the handle.

"Wait, Caitlin..."

My heart stopped for a long moment. I didn't realize my lungs weren't working until I felt him come closer to me. I didn't have to turn; I knew he was standing right behind me, thinking about what to say next.

"I didn't mean what I said. It's just; this came as a surprise to me to. I don't even know what I'm saying right now, I don't want you to leave. I brought you here because I wanted to. I could sense something bothering you. I don't want to force you to tell me, but if you want to talk I'm here. Don't think that you're alone, I want us to talk, I don't want awkwardness between us now that, we—"

"...kissed?" I finished in a small voice.

I turned around slowly, the intensity almost melted away and my fears were nearly gone. He wasn't like everyone else. I could actually share things with him, my personal things, what was really going on. What I've been hiding, even from Cisco.

"I know things are weird now but are you sure you don't want me to go? You said your mom is here and—"

Barry reached across my waist, taking the handle and closing the door firmly, locking it with a clink.

"I want you to stay, Cait...please." He almost begged me.

I sighed and nodded slowly as he gave a small smile as we sat on his bed and dove into the pizza. I didn't really know to start so I just picked a topic.

Ronnie.

Taking a deep breath, I began telling Barry what really happened, why we're both not on the same page.

"It started last spring leading into summer," I paused and watched Barry as he listened to me intently, urging me to go on.

"I won't speak, go ahead." He said, taking a bite out of his piece, staring my way in waiting.

I placed my slice to the side, realizing I'm going to need most of my strength to tell the real story.

"Well, everything started out fine, things were mutual, you know? Then, oh god, I wish I would have seen the signs more clearly. We actually knew each other from junior high. He was the comic book geek and I was a tech nerd. We bonded over trivial things, at first we were good friends. Then all of a sudden, we just grew up, I don't know how that happened. I had already met Cisco when I was a Freshman here. We knew each other from back when. He was really cool, showed me around, we shared stuff, but it was never awkward or weird between us. Then he met Ronnie and hated him right away. He said he'd get along with him for me but I could tell it was hard. Cisco was telling me about how often he saw Ronnie hanging out with the new crowds, the jocks, his whole persona changed. He wound up joining the track team and made MVP. I was so proud of him and then, he asked me out. At first I was feeling strange about it. I thought it was just a harmless date, nothing to worry about." I paused to drink some soda Barry brought with him.

Barry's eyes were laser focused on me. I felt red under his gaze but I opted to finish the story.

"We started going together after that. It didn't feel so weird after a while. Even Cisco eventually stopped making mocking faces whenever he'd show up. We were all really close. And I didn't think it'd end. That's when I found out who Ronnie really was. There was a dance. Of course Ronnie asked me to go with him and I did. I really did feel weird when I was around his new friends. I felt like he was a completely different person around them then he was around me when we were alone. It always felt like he had something to prove, someone to impress. I think he really wanted to be popular over who I thought he really was. I never fought with him over it but that night, I wanted to say something, I almost did until one of his friends started telling me he was using me, he just wanted to screw me over in the end. I was scared to question it and I wanted to tell them they didn't know him like I did but all I did was go outside. I realized I was all alone because Cisco didn't want to go. I really needed a friend in that moment to talk to. I—"

Barry watched as my head dipped down. I picked myself back up and resumed.

"I didn't see it coming. I asked Ronnie to take me home and he did. He actually interrupted what he was doing to take me back. The ride was silent; I didn't even want to hear the radio. When we were a few blocks to my door, he gave me a big hug and I could remember him trying to make out with me. I told him no and he almost didn't listen but I could tell he was pissed. I told him to understand that I just want to go home. Then he said I was being dramatic. I left without another word before I said or did something that got me grounded. I chose to just slam the door and stomp back, trying not to cry. My parents asked me how I was and I remember walking up to my room thinking this is one of the worst days of my life. What I realized when I got back was everything his friend said about him was true and I didn't want to see it. Ronnie was a liar and I wanted him to be everything but."

I swallowed heavily, realizing I left some end parts out but I wanted to know if I still had Barry's attention. He placed his hand over mind, holding it gently as I concluded the story.

"I never even got an apology from him, nothing. He used to come up to my window when I was feeling awful and comfort me. None of it happened. I prepared myself for the worst tomorrow. I knew I had to go to school, face the music. When I was walking to my locker I saw a condom taped to it, with a note saying "hope you used protection slut." My face went white. I didn't know if I wanted to die or, I didn't have another option. If I ran back home my parents, my father, they'd kill me, if I faced the rest of the school I would be the laughing stalk. I could never forget the look on Ronnie's face when he friends came at me accusing me of such vile things. He knew what this would do to me and he did it anyway. I ignored him the rest of the summer. I haven't forgotten it since and I will never forgive him."

An entire weight felt like it had been lifted, I didn't realize I had my eyes to the ground as I spoke the last words. I looked up and watched his reaction.

Barry glanced at me, coming to sit close to me, putting his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Cait, I'm so sorry." He said gently, I just let him hug me, if anything I pulled him closer.

I felt like I was griping his back for dear life. I didn't want to hurt him so I pulled away slightly, gaining my composure. I had cried over thinking about this story so many times, if I was tearing up I would have never noticed. Barry just watched me, moving stranding of my hair from my face. He was trying to comfort me and that is all I needed right now.

For once, I just wanted to feel safe. Being here with Barry, I never wanted to leave his side, not now, not ever.


End file.
